Hate being gay, dont know what to do

annabellea

I recently came out and told my friends that I am a lesbian, I have a girlfriend and my friends all accepted this pretty well but I so hate it, I want to be like them, I want to be like everyone else that I know and I'm not. I am so depressed lately I cant do anything and when I am atound my friends I dont feel comfortable anymore. As much as I love my girlfriend she is not very good at having meaningful converstaions and she's the only one I feel I can talk to this about right now yet everytime I try to she's just no help, I'm so depressed I just see no point in life anymore I can't stand it.
I dont mean to sound selfish but I actually cannot help how I am feeling.
I just feel dull and empty inside
I feel like dumping my girlfriend, I love her though, but I feel like because of the way I am feeling that I am just going to drag her down, I dont want to hurt anyone because I am hurting
I cant focus anymore
I keep thinking i should just tell everyone that I am not gay and that I was just experimenting
some of my friends r religious and i know that they do not feel the same for me anymore as a friend

Kanoe

give yourself some time. It is a period of adjustment not just for you but for the people around you too, things will be different this time next year and while you might not feel good right now, I sort of envy you because you got to do something I wasn't able to. Best of luck

annabellea

annabellea wrote: »

I want to be like them, I want to be like everyone else that I know and I'm not.

The thing is OP you ARE like everyone else, despite feeling you are not.

We all worry about fitting in, about the things that make us individuals alienating us from those around us.

Your friends accepted your individuality without question and this makes them good friends. Each of them is likely sitting there stressing over something about themselves that makes them different and worrying would you be so accepting of them if you found out what it was.

This is a sad thing because our individuality is what makes us Human and Interesting and Wonderful. It is a sad fact therefore that it is the one thing that makes us feel so paranoid and alien.

So you are lesbian, big deal. It is what makes you you, and the you that is you is the you people want to be friends with. (Great sentence huh?).

To thine own self be true. Just be yourself and be true to who you are and explore the joys of what being you, and not being anyone else, brings. More than this none of us can ever do.

Beruthiel

annabellea wrote: »

I want to be like everyone else

What does that even mean?
None of us are like anyone else.
You 'see' how people are, but there is no such thing as perfection and all of us have our ups and downs. Our imperfections. Nobody's life is totally perfect. Stop looking at other people and start working on yourself and how to be happy.
I suggest you talk it through with a professional. They will have the tools to help you accept yourself and be happy with the cards you've been dealt.

some of my friends r religious and i know that they do not feel the same for me anymore as a friend

Screw them then.
Anyone who accepts the homophobic dogma of religion without once putting any thought in what they are being spoon fed is not someone you should be sorry to loose. Nor were they ever a real friend in the first place.

Don't do anything drastic until you get yourself some professional help.

CdeC

Yeah, I know now it might seem that you want to be like everyone else but after a while you will realise that you are, being a lesbian doesn't make you less feminine as being a gay man doesn't make you less masculine.

I used to hate being gay but now I have accepted it I am much happier. In fact my deep analysis of myself and my sexuality has given me insights about myself that most of my friends will probably never experience.
Give yourself time, talk it out and remember how lucky you are that your friends have been very good about it, not everyone is so lucky and believe me in time you'll wonder why you ever posted this message.



Ps : just out of ineterst, what age are you OP

DS333

Perhaps it's the aftermath of coming out. You've literally climbed over the fence and stand looking in from the other side now. That can be a bit of a shock and make you want to retrace your steps.

It's not easy not fitting in, especially when you have religious friends who, by that way, are acting very unchristianly. They are told to love their enemies. If they can't even love a neighbour who happens to be gay, they might as well give up.

For years I wanted to be straight and fit in. All I did was make myself miserable wishing for the impossible. I see that now. I didn't then.

Please don't make the same mistake I did. As long as you're absolutely sure you're a lesbian. Young people's feelings can fluctuate in either direction. But, then, that depends on how old you are.

You shouldn't feel embarrassed about telling them that you might have come to too sudden a conclusion. In my case, I told them I was gay. Then I told them I was straight. Now I've told them I am gay, full stop - put it down to all that wishful thinking: I was never anything else but gay, never went near a woman in all my life. They took it all very well, though they make think I'm barking mad behind my back.

My mother was horrified. My father was dead - I would never have come out when he was alive. It's a subject that's never mentioned by my mother. I've just got used to the fact. I can't expect the leopard to change its spots. But she treats me just as well as ever and loves me. She just can't cope with it. There's no point in expecting another impossible miracle. I made that mistake once.

annabellea

Thank you for all your kind messages, they really were helpful, I guess I just need to do a lot less thinking into things and how other people feel, I think I need more time to come to terms with the fact that I am gay...
I am 19 bdw
Thanks again

DS333

annabellea wrote: »

Thank you for all your kind messages, they really were helpful, I guess I just need to do a lot less thinking into things and how other people feel, I think I need more time to come to terms with the fact that I am gay...
I am 19 bdw
Thanks again

You've taken a huge and very courageous step at 19. I would have given up the ghost first!:eek: No wonder you feel as you do. You know the saying:

Those who mind don't matter.
Those who matter don't mind.



With very best wishes,

D