Not what she really wants?

LegacyUser

Recently my girlfriend has been behaving differently with me than she used to be. Over the last couple of weeks she seemed to become slightly distant and slightly more cold towards me. It feels like something changed, though I haven't been able to place what exactly it is. I asked her about it a couple of times over the last couple of weeks and her reply was always slightly suprised and snappy all at once. She has been very stressed lately over a business trip so I was sort of attributing things to her maybe being distracted by that.

Then a couple of days ago she was being particularly bitchy to me, and things sort of came to a point where I was clearly upset and she seemed completely suprised at my upset and softened up a little bit. We then began to talk and established she has been feeling snappy generally lately, but also that she is frustrated she can't engage with me on a more intellectual level, and when we first started going out that she got the impression I was interested in more intellectual things and feels a little disappointed.

This last part upset me a lot. I asked her what this meant for us, and she said we would have to give things time and see.

I however now feel very upset and confused about things. What she said hurt me deeply, and has left me wondering am I on borrowed time until she meets someone she deems better for intellectual exchange?

Despite all this I do love her and don't want my heart broke, but I don't know what to do or think. Advice? Has anyone been through this?

RoseOz

Sounds like excuses / fault finding on her side to cover up the real issue....

Perhaps she's just not feeling it but scared to actually break up with you, so is doing the classic withdraw, act distant & moody til it comes to a head & you guys break up.

I personally would find it insulting to be told that my supposed partner / love interest didn't find me intellectually stimulating ! :eek: It's not something you can just change to suit someone else. That is a MAJOR dig at you.

I would continue with your eyes very much open here on. Do you really want to be with someone who is already fault finding your character?
Compatibility really shouldn't be so hard in my book.

Trust your gut instinct!

annabellea

I can relate to what you are asking but more so on your girlfriends level,
I am in aa relationship with someone and have recently been feeling myself becoming more and more distant with my partner and that is because I do not find them stmulating to talk to, they are intellectually not on my level but yet I am staying in this relationship because I love my partner.
I think if you really love her you should stay and hope for the best, as the relationship goes on you will naturally begin to merge your interests and grow together, love is worth all of the kicks

LegacyUser

annabellea wrote: »

I can relate to what you are asking but more so on your girlfriends level,
I am in aa relationship with someone and have recently been feeling myself becoming more and more distant with my partner and that is because I do not find them stmulating to talk to, they are intellectually not on my level but yet I am staying in this relationship because I love my partner.
I think if you really love her you should stay and hope for the best, as the relationship goes on you will naturally begin to merge your interests and grow together, love is worth all of the kicks

I want to make an effort to show her that I am interested but I am not sure how to go about this without looking false. It's a genuine interest she is looking for from me. I believe she does still love me or this chat really could have been the end. I want to do all I can to save this.

annabellea

confuzzled12345 wrote: »

I want to make an effort to show her that I am interested but I am not sure how to go about this without looking false. It's a genuine interest she is looking for from me. I believe she does still love me or this chat really could have been the end. I want to do all I can to save this.

Well you should definately talk to her about this, tell her that you really want to work through this, ask her what you can do to make things better - tell her what you want from her to make things better,
you will get through this, stay positive x

Sleepy

Is it that she doesn't find *you* intelectually stimulating or the time you're spending together and what you're *doing* together?

i.e. have ye just fallen into a rut of a mainstream DVD and a bottle of wine / pub with mates of an evening rather that going out to galleries, watching art-house flicks etc.?

LegacyUser

Thanks for the responses. I am definitly going to talk her about all this when she gets back from her trip. I do also think it is a problem where we have got into a rut of just watching the regular DVD's, staying in, or going to the same pubs etc. I am interested in those things, I think I tend to be a little shy\lazy to suggest doing them. Though if she asks I usually say yes. Perhaps I should also start suggesting it more. Thanks guys. I'm really appreciating the feedback on how to proceed with things.