Supporting loved one with depression

LegacyUser

I'm not sure if this is the best place for this and going unreg also

My partner has been on anti-depressants for almost 4 weeks - moods seem to have improved and decision making is a lot clearer. Depression has been ongoing for a long time

I still feel like I am walking on egg shells and afraid to say or do anything to upset my partner - and I'm beginning to feel resentful of this and the outbursts associated with me doing something wrong are really getting to me, so much so that I feel sometimes I just want out

I know you are supposed to be patient and understanding but I am also human and really struggling with this

Can anyone offer any advice

auntyweeze

hello just stumbled across your post.
i myself has just been diagnosed with depression by my doctor.
id say it was ongoing for at least 2 years before it came to a head and i got help.
im on anti depressants now almost 5 weeks.
if i can offer any advice to you id be most grateful or maybe share stories if im going through the same things as your partner maybe i am putting my partner throught the same things too.
look forward to hearing from you

PIOP

Hi,

That's a really tough one, and I can understand how difficult it must be for you. I have bipolar disorder, which has been untreated for most of my life. As you might imagine, this caused a lot of tension, conflict, and unhappiness for a lot of my friends. My moods were difficult for them to handle, understandably so, and when they didn't want to be around me, I sank into deep depressions.

I've spoken to my own friends and partner about this myself, and I wish I could say to you that there's a one-size-fits-all answer, but the truth is, I don't think there is. My partner tends to assume that, if I have any sort of outburst, that it's a result of the disorder. This helps him to cope with whatever mood swings I can't control, while also preventing him getting hurt (not physically, but emotionally). This can occasionally be very frustrating to me, as I don't want every annoyance of mine to be considered a symptom - after all, what if I'm very cross because someone has done something wrong. Shouldn't they take responsibility for that, and not me? Of course, having spoken about this with my partner, I understand how difficult it is from his point of view - he can't always tell, so it's easier to assume I'm struggling with my disorder unless told otherwise. I often think about it, and try to come up with some sort of compromise, but I've yet to find a workable solution.

The only advise I think I can offer you is to talk to your partner, and try to be honest with each other. 4 weeks isn't a very long time, and there may be changes ahead before your partner is stable. Often the initial medication dose needs to change - the first dose mostly serving to allow the body to become accustomed to the meds, and perhaps an increased dose providing consistent relief. During this time, there will probably be ups and downs. I know it will be hard to support your partner during this time, and yes, you are only human. If you talk to each other, and just tell him/her how you're feeling, it's possible that it might help things, or at least open up a channel of communication.

It's not easy to care for someone who struggles with depression (or any of the similar mental conditions), this much I know. There are several books on the subject, which you'll find searching Amazon (or possibly in your local library). It may be worth giving one of those a read, and suggesting that your partner does the same. This may help you two to devise some strategies for dealing with each other - for your partner to be able to let off steam, but also for you to be able to relax and regain your balance (which is equally important).

Feel free to PM me if you want to chat further. I hope that some of the above helps.

zoviea

Hi, I know how you feel. my poor husband is in the same boat but has to wait for appointment to be assessed. It is hard and as I have previously suffered with depression I understand how he feels but also don't want to be getting to upset as we have just had a baby and I don't want to risk getting my depression back. Dread going back to work and hope he will be feeling better by then, feel so bad for him. How did you cope with it? And how long did it take for meds to help him?