What's he playing at

LegacyUser

Hi All,

Myself and my ex boyfriend have been broken up for almost five months now. It was a 3 year relationship and totally his decision to end it as he had decided he wanted to go travelling and did not know when he would be returning.

I've been very good so far, bought the book "It's called a break up because it's broken" and followed all the advice it gave! I slipped today though and had a peak at his facebook.

And it turns out he has been putting up a status everyday saying what a wonderfull time he's having and commenting all his family and friends back home. He has also been adding ever girl he can find and leaving them comments and commenting on their photos! Now he went with about 3 friends and they are not doing any of this.

Dunno why I'm even putting this up, but I just needed to vent! What's he playing at though, did our break up really have no effect at all on him?

Beruthiel

What do you care? What difference would it make to know what's going on with him?
You've been broken up five months now.
Forget about him and move on.

astra2000

Hi op, no one can answer why hes doing it and really it doesnt matter why because he is a free agent and can do what he likes. Your relationship with him is over and I do understand that this is really upsetting stuff for you to see but your not part of his life antmore he is moving on. You need to delete him as a friend otherwise you will keep going back checking and keep getting hurt, this will hold you back from moving on with your own life.
It sounds like you have been doing really well at coping with the breakup until now, dont let this set you back see it as the final nail in the coffin and move on. Best of luck op

Nevyn

Some times for one person the relationship was already over and they did the being upset while still in it and then when they end the relationship so for them moving on is easier.

Sometimes the way people get over the hard parts of a break up is to distract themselves and party and pretend everything is wonderful.

You need to learn to let go of him and not check his facebook and not measure what you or the relationship meant to him based on what he's posting there.

ManOfMystery

Dontgetit wrote: »

What's he playing at though, did our break up really have no effect at all on him?

He's living his life and enjoying being single, which is generally the sensible and healthy thing to do after a relationship breakup. It's 5 months, what did you expect - that he'd have photos on Facebook of him crying to sleep every night? You're not his GF anymore so what relevance is it to you anyway, unless you're after the ego boost of him pining for you?

After all, he is the one who chose to end it - so he's got what he wanted. Of course he's going to be enjoying himself.

Sorry if I sound harsh OP, but I fail to see what the major issue is here - your ex has moved on, it's hardly fair for you to chastise him over it.

Zen65

Dontgetit wrote: »

And it turns out he has been putting up a status everyday saying what a wonderfull time he's having and commenting all his family and friends back home. He has also been adding ever girl he can find and leaving them comments and commenting on their photos! Now he went with about 3 friends and they are not doing any of this.

You've researched a lot about him and his travelling companions on Facebook. Maybe you should read the book again? I suspect you've forgotten what it tried to explain to you.

And when you've read it, get out and live your life...... it has a wealth of exciting things and people to offer you.


Be at peace,

Z

Ticktactoe

Beruthiel wrote: »

Forget about him and move on.

This is hard to hear but very much to the point.
You need to let go and move on.
Painful but true. :rolleyes:

Wibbs

Dontgetit wrote: »

Dunno why I'm even putting this up, but I just needed to vent! What's he playing at though, did our break up really have no effect at all on him?

Venting is part of the process at the start. For me anyway when I was thinking along similar lines to you it was more my ego than love talking. The how dare she have more fun without me, why did I not have enough of an effect on her etc. It's part and parcel of it a lot of the time. Like I say it's a process, but in order to move to the next stage... well you'll have to make moves to the next stage basically.

Now while I agree with Beruthiel's take in principle(hence I thanked it), in practice it's easy to say if you're outside it, but it's a lot harder to do if you're living it. Forget about him and move on. Yep she's right, this will happen for you and in a years time you'll be the first to say it advising someone else, but being told it now won't do it. It's up there with telling someone who is in the grip of an emotional insult to "cheer up", or "be yourself". True, but as advice while in the grips of this crapola? Not so much. Think of it like where a much loved pet dies. In a years time you'll barely recall it, but at the time you will feel it and no amount of "just let go" would cut it. If you could you would and you wouldnt be here asking how. In a way you're dealing with two minds in the one person with very different mindsets separated by time. People also vary wildly in their responses to such insults. Some get upset, then move on quite quickly, others take longer. IMHO that's not an issue, we're all different, but and it's a big but, you don't want to get locked into this mindset either.

So what do you do practically? First thing is you are going to have to wean yourself away from facebook and any other contact. Now to be fair to you from what you've said, this facebook setback was a slip up, not a constant. Look, you're allowed those. Show me a man or woman who claims never to have had such a slip up and I'll show you a liar or someone with selective amnesia, or an emotional stone.

Right so you've had a setback, so see it for what it is. Momentary brainfart. We all have em and indeed should. Forgive yourself and next time you feel that need to do it(and likely you will), think on how you're feeling right now and remember that feeling. Not so nice is it? So best avoided in the future.

As for him? Like Thaed said "Some times for one person the relationship was already over and they did the being upset while still in it and then when they end the relationship so for them moving on is easier." Nail hit squarely on the head. The one who leaves has already left. Usually a few months before you find out. The one who is left is left drifting behind. In a way you're lucky in that he has moved on. I've seen situations where the one who did the dumping wouldnt let go. Not good.

So continue on as you have been. Re read that book, don't check up on him as it'll do no good for you. Accept that you will have those feelings, but ask yourself deep down why you're having those feelings. Is it love or is it ego? Reengage with mates. Go out. You will feel like its a bit fake at times, but fake it til you make it. After a while our minds do get bored of the same rut. We need new stimuli and you will find that and you will find yourself. Good luck.

I am a friend

I think people are being harsh on the OP. While we all know its 5 months and she 'should' be over him not everyone is mind over matter and we all have days and hours in which we fall backwards...

Op, best thing to do is to block him so you wont be tempted again...