please give me advise

Lee1982

im stuck between a rock and a hard place with this one...i work full time and since April ive been using a childminder to bring my son to and from school,mind him for an hour and then i collect him,he goes to after school activity's so she doesnt have him all day and her son is in his class.anyway her son keeps hitting and kicking my son and upsetting him,he did it today again by punching him and i was so livid..i told the child to say sorry to my child and he started crying then i felt terrible so i walked them back into he house and told the mother who NEVER corrects him,she had a "boys will be boys" attitude now my heart is broke because she does this for 4 days a week at 10 euro a day which is all i can afford and is very reliable but her son is driving my son crazy..i cry dropping him off and feel so sad that im doing this to him!! i have no1 else reliable,what can i do????i need my job

cynder

With that sort of attitude coming from the mother i am going to say the unsaid, tell your child that if another child hits him, HIT HIM BACK TWICE AS HARD.


Well that's what i would tell my boy,

we have a neighbour whose kid (boy)is 2 years younger than our lady, in the past he has hit/kicked her, threw stones at her, his mother is NOT approachable, (we learned that the hard way) so we tell her if he does hit her for her to hit him back, but she wont, this has been going on 5 years +, about 2 months ago he hurt her again and we told her that if he does it again she has our permission to pick up the Hurley and whack him one. but she wont!

We have kept her away from said child for most of the last 5+ years but they do run into each other as there is only 6 houses between us. We now have a female guard living between us so hope that will help.

As for you situation your guy is going to have to learn to fight for his corner, or you will have to find another babysitter.


Just ot point out i would never tell my child to hit another child to get their own way but if another child hits them then they can defend themselves by hitting back. (self defence)

Lee1982

thanks hes not taking that advise..i tried it lots of time,i think a new babysitter is the only option but finding one might prove hard

RedXIV

I know money is tight but i'd be looking for another sitter asap that you can afford. If you think you're going to have trouble doing that, Tell her that you are going to find another sitter as your very unhappy about this. Maybe the potential loss in revenue will be enough to kickstart her into a proper frame of mind

astra2000

Hi op this is a terrible situation for you to be in, I dont know that I can think of much advice for you. I presume that you are not in a position to change your hours to fit in around school hrs? Is it possible to speak with this lady and voice your concerns.I do think if you cant address the situation with her you need to look around for alternative childminding. Ten euro is very reasonable and I know you say you cant afford to pay more but if you could stretch to a bit more you may end up with more options. As for the hit back advise I would imagine the reason he gets hit is because he is not the type who will hit back bullies know who they will get away with hitting,Best of luck op

cynder

Lee1982 wrote: »

thanks hes not taking that advise..i tried it lots of time

Some kids are just not pysical fighters, that is also a good thing. Sound like a nice child.

Yep it might work telling the parent that you are thinking of moving your son, might push her to tell her son to stop being a bully.

Hope someone might have an idea that works.

Best of luck.

Lee1982

my hours are set in stone as i work in a school,i will have a chat with her tomorrow because its not worth my sons pain..and my mental health

astra2000

I would agree with grindlewall there some parents will only take action on their kids behaviour if it directly affects themselves.

cynder

Just had a thought,


Have you thought about having a word with the teacher, tell the teacher the situation and they might be able to do a little talk in class on physical violence (either bullying or in jest that it is not on and not acceptable behaviour). The teacher can also see if this is happening at school as well as as the persons house.

Lee1982

grindelwald wrote: »

Just had a though,


Have you thought about having a word with the teacher, tell the teacher the situation and they might be able to do a little talk in class on physical violence (either bullying or in jest that it is not on and not acceptable behaviour). The teacher can also see if this is happening at school as well as as the persons house.

never thought of that,i will ring the school tomorrow i feel cr** at it is that i dont have the chance to do all the school runs this is really making me feel worse

cynder

Dont blame yourself, your doing the best you can to provide for your young fella. Your not leaving(feeding) him to the wovles.


*Big hugs* you need it, chin up.

How old is your boy?

Lee1982

grindelwald wrote: »

Dont blame yourself, your doing the beat you can to provide for your young fella. Your not leaving him to the wovles.


*Big hugs* you need it, chin up.

How old is your boy?

thank you...hes just gone 6

cynder

Let us know how you get on with the school, I hope things work out.

How Strange

Is the boy doing the hitting and punching an only child or does he have siblings? Is it possible that he's jealous of having your son in his house? I'm not saying it's an excuse but if the hitting only started after his mam starting minding your son it might explain it.

I really think the mam should be actively looking for a solution; its not good enough to say 'boys will be boys' when you're minding someone elses child and its your child doing the hitting. I wonder would she have the same blase attitude if your son was the agressive one?

It's a good idea to talk to the teacher though and see how the two of them get on in school.

wolfpawnat

Lee1982 wrote: »

hes just gone 6

Ah here, he is only a small little man.

She needs to pull her little fella in, before he does it to a child that will break his arm!

littlebitdull

Have you gone done the line of sitting with the mother over a cuppa and haveing a one on one chat with her? With both boys suitable distracted elsewhere?

Open with how much your son loves her, and how great a job you feel she is doing, and how happy you are with her etc etc. Then go onto the 'wee bit of a personality clash' the two boys are having and how can the two of you together solve the problem?

Try not to make it sound like it's her problem (even thought it really is !!) as this can make most mothers jump on the defence ... make it sound like its something you want to work with her on.

But finish by saying if the situation does not improve you may have to seek an alternative arrangement.

It may not seem like much but I for one would be happy for an extra 40 euro a week for only an hour a days work.... so I feel sure you will find some alternative arrangement.

You are clearly finding this all very upseting and stressful, and its hard enought going out to work when you have children without all this. So I hope you can find a solution.

How is your son with it? Is he finding it as stressful as you?

Lee1982

today was graet even though i was dreading it,when i collected him he was laughing and playing with the boy i think i kinda shocked the little lad by reacting to him where he has never had it before,i arranged to meet his ma on Saturday(for xfactor)in the local pub ill just ask her to be extra vigilant,hes our only child so hes extra special..the child in question is the youngest of 4