Roomate +1

Leeg17

Got a new roommate in Sept for college (2 per apt). Not long before the gf started staying over, 2 nights actually. She's over nearly all of the time he is, say 7 in the evenings until class in the morning.

Do you reckon I should bring it up about her paying her share rent / utilites wise?

Cheap Thrills!

Hm, well if she is only staying 2 nights it wouldn't really seem reasonable to ask for rent/utilities but if this is the thin end of the wedge and soon it's 3/4/5 nights then it might be better to have the conversation sooner rather than later!!

Also bear in mind you might want to start having your own girlfriend/boyfriend over yourself eventually so keep it diplomatic and friendly!

magneticimpulse

Do you share the same room?? When you say room mate im not sure how these college situations are in different cities. I saw in Dublin they "share" out twin single bedrooms to students, which is kinda strange if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend over.

it was not clear if you share the same room or a flat with seperate rooms?

Overheal

Is she taking up more space, more light or heat than would otherwise be consumed if she wasn't there at all?


I'd have to say no. I could see it if she was off making her own presence in the living room, or using your washer and dryer a lot, or something.

If it's a case of you think your roommate is not getting any of the solace he deserves from renting the place, perhaps bring that up and ask him if he's alright with it or if he's prefer if you and your girlfriend arranged a little bit of time out of his schedule?

Chinafoot

Cheap Thrills! wrote: »

Hm, well if she is only staying 2 nights it wouldn't really seem reasonable to ask for rent/utilities but if this is the thin end of the wedge and soon it's 3/4/5 nights then it might be better to have the conversation sooner rather than later!!

I think the OP means it they were 2 nights in the apartment before she started staying over all the time.

OP, I'd say it. If she's there from 7 in the evening until the next morning is it safe to assume she has showers there, cooks dinner, watches tv? All of these things cost you and your flatmate money so why should she enjoy the benefits of it without putting her hand in her pocket?

I'd ask the flatmate for a word and just say "Look, your girlfriend is over a lot. Is it going to be like this all the time? Because if it is she'll have to contribute towards rent/utilities." You're also well within your rights to say you didn't agree to live with a couple and that she shouldn't be over as often as she is. Don't get walked on here.

Neyite

Leeg17 wrote: »

Do you reckon I should bring it up about her paying her share rent / utilites wise?

while i agree with the other posters, if you do start splitting rent/bills with her, then she becomes a bona-fide flatmate as opposed to an unofficial one. for instance, if she is paying towards bills in your flat, she might decide its fine to put on a laundry load, or invite her own friends around, or start a cleaning roster etc - you get the idea. and you get the whole 'well i pay rent her too' crap so you wont have any comback. you need to ask yourself if you would be ok with that, or would you prefer her as an unofficial presence in the house.

this was advise given to me when i was in the same situation. my 'ghost' flatmate took enough liberties without paying rent i decided not to ask for any contribution i just told my flatmate she was staying over too much and could he stay at hers half the week. he got the message. (she hated me tho!:rolleyes:)

Leeg17

Should have made it more clearer, I saw roommates when I mean housemates. There's 2 rooms, I have the bigger of the two (was in same apt. as last year) and he has the smaller one.

He was here 2 nights before she stayed over for the first time, I think she's been here every night bar 1 so far. Don't get me wrong, they're ok, but it's annyoing walking home from college and they're snuggled up on the sofa watching tv/having dinner. Every evening it's the same, at this stage I tend to get home, make dinner, go to room for the night and study/go on internet.

She's only ever in the sitting room watching tv when he's there, it's not like she's here when he's not. She does take showers and cook the odd dinner but that's it.

I would have said it sooner, but I'm not the type of person to voice my concerns unless it gets really annoying / bad.



I should add that I don't mean rent, as much as paying a (fair) share towards electricity/heating bills.

LegacyUser

Sorry to hijack here but I'm having similar (if reversed) issues myself. My boyfriend stays the night in my house around 2 nights a week. He stayed over a little bit more in the first few weeks because he had more time off work and was staying with a relative - ie. didnt have his own space yet. Now, its literally once or twice a week. He has never showered, never cooked, uses my laptop or watches tv with me but uses absolutely no electricity otherwise.

Twice or three times he slept on in my bed for 2 hours because I was going to work early and he didnt have to work til later. On each occassion he got up out of bed and walked quietly straight out the front door. I honestly didnt think it was a big deal and had no intention of it becoming a regular thing. Another time, I was in college late and he was waiting outside my house so I asked my housemate to let him in and I came up half an hour later. That was my fault anyway. So these were three or four isolated incidents.

Housemate informed me the other day she doesnt feel 'comfortable' the times hes been here and I'm not. I accepted this but I think the way she phrased it was wrong, as if he is some sort of creep etc. She has a boyf too, he stays here maybe once or twice a week too, and I had major problems at the start when they were keeping me up every night making noise. Loud, embarrassing sex noises. This happened three times, I told her the third time and she rectified situation and then we got over it.

I feel like she's being dramatic, I have asked other people and they said they think she is too. Its not so much that she doesnt want him round without me (even though it only happened a few times), if thats the way she feels thats fine. its that NOW he and I feel awkward and uncomfrotable any time hes around. which I dont think is fair. I've been in a long distance with him for four years and this year we're finally in the same city and I just am annoyed at anyone trying to limit how much time I spend with him (inadvertedly or not). She says she likes him a lot and doesnt mind when hes around etc, but as I said its the fact that she is imposing rules etc which makes it awkward. She later said it was because she felt like she had to tiptoe around those rare times he was in bed, which is not true at all, that'd be ridiculous. When she first said it, she said it was because she didnt want it to become a habit. He has his own house, works five days a week - it was never going to become a regular thing, but I didnt see any harm in it happening twice or three times.

More or less sorted it yesterday,but still a bit awkward, especially with boyfriend, who is now reluctant to visit at all!!!

Once again, sorry for hijacking thread and I do have some advice for OP, /being on the receiving end of this!

OP, Every night since you've moved in is definitely a bit much, she should also definitely not be showering or cooking without asking your permission or contributing something. Give it another week and see how much electricity she uses. If its more than two showers and cooking sessions I would say something.

Also, it's your house and you pay for it, so you need your common area to be your space too. It's not on that you are forced to go to your room because of their cuddling. Tell them to (literally) get a room because It's not fun being the third wheel.

Do all this tactfully and nicely and you'll be fine.

Elbi

Op I totally feel for you, you need to put it out there and tell it like it is, it is way to much for your roommates partner to be there so much,

I totaly understand how you feel Im renting a room to a girl, her boyfriend comes down every second week and stays for 3 nights, which isnt much but i do find it annoying, they cook and dont clean up lounge about watchin tv all day, he showers constantly, they keep me up or wake me up having s*x every night and morning, they know the walls are paper thin but it doesnt seem to bother them , and when my friends are there they let me know they are a bit put out with it,

if i am pissed off and its only every second week I totally understand how you must feel , but i do think you need to tell them I know its not that wasy as I would have difficulty in sayin it to them also but you have to live there and are intitled to feel comfortable in your home,