My partner just slapped me

LegacyUser

My partner of 6 years who I have 2 kids with just slapped me, i'm so upset, he was drinking tonight and being really horrible because I asked him to help me clean up all day cos we are having visitors early next week, we were having an argument earlier and I threw the contents of a nearly empty can at him because he was winding me up so much, I know I shouldn't have but he was mocking what I was saying and trying to make out like i'm crazy, anyway then he threw a full can on the ground and punched a chair and started screaming and shouting, anyway fast forward to around an hour later, he starts arguing with me again, accusing me of cheating with loads of people and then said he was leaving the house, I begged him to stay and then he started going mad and just slapped me and left the house.

Canluum

Our modern society seems to have implemented some hard and fast rules about men hitting women... sometimes they can be a little overzealous. You might expect to hear people scream "domestic abuse!" etc. but from the sounds of it you're both equally guilty of flared tempers and inflicting mild violence. It doesn't sound like he's beating you or that that's part of his character, and he's probably not so happy about his outburst himself...

Focus on the your relationship rather than the isolated incident of the slap, and get your arses to some bloody couples counseling already.

dudara

This sounds like a mutual event - you did throw something at him too, although he did take it a step further.

As a previous poster said, you need to focus on the relationship and why you are both so "cross" with each other.

LegacyUser

OP you're as guilty as he is
its like hitting a dog with a stick and then being shocked that it bit you tbh

Focus on the your relationship rather than the isolated incident of the slap, and get your arses to some bloody couples counseling already.

+1

LegacyUser

Hi, thanks for replies, the reason I mentioned the beer was because it was about an hour before he slapped me so it wasn't like a spur of the moment retaliation if you know what I mean, Around 4 years ago he grabbed me by the throat and smacked my head off the ground, nothing had happened since so I hadn't really thought he would do something like that again, he can get very intimidating when he's drinking, he once picked up a knife, he smashes things, kicks holes in the walls etc etc.

We were young when we got together and I admit I did slap him a couple of times then but I was around 17/18 and i'm not proud of it but I haven't done it since and wouldn't again, i just put it down to the whole teenage drama phase and so did he, he was full of drama at that age also. The only time I would put my hands on him in an argument is if I was trying to get him to talk to me if you know what I mean, but that's just putting my hands on his arms and turning him to me, not using force.

We're still young and I know from this we sound immature but honestly we're not, we would actually be much more mature than couples our age, it's just he has these weird episodes when he drinks, a few months ago he flipped in the house and went mad telling me he would burn the house down etc etc, I guess that's why i'm worried you know, cos it was like the last time he just intimidated me, this time he slapped me, what about the next time?

Sardonicat

Change the locks.

And don't chuck stuff at people. You'd no right to do that. It's never ok. That's not an excuse for him to slap you either. That's never ok. Accusing you of cheating, trying to make out your're mad and threatening to leave sounds like the start of emotional abuse. Of course, we are only getting your side of the story so it is hard to judge.

But if it was me and someone started that emotional crap with me I'd escort him to the door when he started threatening to go. If he hit me I'd change the locks. I'd give the same advice to a man being subjected to this by a woman.

Kimia

Have to say it sounds like a really dysfunctional relationship where both of you behave very badly toward the other. If you want it to work out (do you?) you need to both sit down and discuss how you are going to work through conflict. It can't continue with you both screaming at each other, you throwing things and him and pulling him, him slapping you or hitting walls. It's very unhealthy and it's going to get worse unless you make some changes.

You have to figure out how to argue (because you will argue, can't stop that) without it degenerating into violence and ugliness. You both need to either take some time apart when you have a row, get some space, and remember to respect each other regardless of what the fight is about, or it's not going to work.

weatherguy

You don't say which part of the body he slapped you on. Was it the face, the head, the torso, the bum or the legs.
You don't say if it was a hard slap or whatever.
Regardless of who slaps who in a relationship, there can only be one outcome. Split up before he really hurts you next time, or you him.

cafecolour

crying wrote: »

Hi, thanks for replies, the reason I mentioned the beer was because it was about an hour before he slapped me so it wasn't like a spur of the moment retaliation if you know what I mean, Around 4 years ago he grabbed me by the throat and smacked my head off the ground, nothing had happened since so I hadn't really thought he would do something like that again, he can get very intimidating when he's drinking, he once picked up a knife, he smashes things, kicks holes in the walls etc etc.

If he gets violent when he drinks, he shouldn't drink. I'd take the kids and leave until he agrees to stop drinking.

S23

cafecolour wrote: »

If he gets violent when he drinks, he shouldn't drink. I'd take the kids and leave until he agrees to stop drinking.

A big +1 to this. That goes for a million things on various threads. If a person can't handle their drink or acts out in any way when they drink they should simply not do it.

You sound like you both have a lot of issues to work out. Get some space between each other, clear your heads, then get down to working out what it is you both want and what you have to change to get there.

Nevyn

http://www.al-anon-ireland.org/meetings.htm

silkworm53

He is a brute and he has no right to hit a woman.
No man has the right to hit a woman.
Women are physically weaker than men and a man should not ever hit a woman. Ever.:mad:
It's a man's job to protect his woman not attack her. it's called chivalry and it's never been out of fasion.
You should take the kids and stay at a relatives for a while and let him know you will walk away for good if he ever does that again.
That should give him a good scare and make him cop himself on.
You might tell a few male relatives and have them go over and give him a proper verbal dressing down. Just tell him that if he ever does that again, they will make sure he never gets near you or the kids and tell him the Gardai will be called.
You really have to lay down the law here.

I am a friend

crying wrote: »

We were young when we got together and I admit I did slap him a couple of times then but I was around 17/18

But you went on to choose to have 2 kids with him. Its a bit rich coming back here on the pity pot when the pair of ye are as bad as each other plus you had the inside track before you had kids with him.

You are toxic together. Move on before it gets worse...

S23

For the record it's never right for a man to hit a woman but the same goes for women hitting men. The talk of chivalry is rubbish. Neither partner has the right to strike the other full stop!

Nevyn

Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

THEZAPPA

I have seen this situation before.

It's not healthy, for one he shouldn't be drinking if he turns aggressive when he does. But saying that you cant make him or stop him from doing so. Only he can choose to stop.

Also he shouldn't be hitting women full stop, sure you threw an almost empty can at him and he threw one back..this is wrong. But never should you allow anyone to hit you, no matter what situation it is. Alcohol is not an excuse.

What i am considered about is the children, growing up seeing this behaviour is frightening. Even if they don't see it happen they can hear and they know by the mood one or both parents are in.

I would say consider living separately for a while if you can, and talk to each other and try sort out your problems. If you cant, it may or may not get worse. Just talk to each other and sort it out..don't sweep it under a rug.

Hope all works out.