Discreetly finding out a girl at work is single?

John400

I am a 41 year old single guy. There is a girl who works in the same company as me who i do have an interest in.

My dilemma is the following- how do i go about discreetly finding out if this girl is genuinely single or not?

The reason i'm asking is that she works in a different area of the company to me but i would see her every couple of days and she started relatively recently at my workplace. The thing is that i get on with her like a house on fire and she's on my wavelength.

I've looked out for a engagement/wedding ring and she doesn't wear one.

The main reason i'm asking is that my company's Christmas party is on the 10th December in a pub in the city centre (Dublin) and i'm going to make an effort to chat her up and see how things may or may not progress.

In a nutshell i don't want to make a complete fool of myself by ruining a good working relationship if she's already seeing someone.

G-Money

Have a search on Facebook. Sometimes people will have limited information available on their profile even to people who are not their friends. If she's single/not single, she might have this available to the public. That way you can find out and if it turns out she's not single, you won't end up wasting your time or looking silly

That's just an idea anyway.

Personally, I think people should have some sort of a high visibility mark on them or something so you don't waste your time chasing after someone who's married or who has a boyfriend/girlfriend.

Fittle

Ok John - firstly, the no ring situation doesn't really mean anything these days. Alot of married women don't wear wedding rings to work etc or she could be in a long term relationship and not married - so there are very many scenarios attached to the fact that she has no ring.

Do you know anyone in your job who knows her?

I certainly wouldn't ask someone else outright if she's single - unless you know them very well - that could backfire slightly on you, she could hear you are interested etc and it could make things awkward if she is married. Could you mention children/mortgages (or something) in conversation with someone in the office and ask casually if she has kids - this could be another indication.

Sorry, I'm probably no use here - alternatively, you could wait until the night out itself and discreetly ask another colleague when you all have a few drinks on you and you're less anxious about finding out her single 'status'.
Best of luck whatever happens OP.

John400

Thanks very much for all your responses.

Personally my gut feeling is that she is single. I'd say she's in her late-30's so somewhat around my own age bracket.

She has a happy aura about her which i do find quite appealing about her and i'm struck by how genuine she is which is also is attracting me to her.

There have been a couple of instances at work since she joined where we've been on a company course with other colleagues and she'll move over to sit beside me if there's an empty seat between us...that type of stuff. She laughs with me when i meet her.

Also, she works in the Business Development side of our company so she's out around where i work quite a bit. I said hello to her one particular morning while walking past her when she was with another colleague and i noticed she blushed when she realised it was me.

As i say, it's probably the nightmare scenario for most guys, in that they don't want to make a fool out of themsleves and embarass themselves and the girl in the process.!

Darlughda

Do not wait or approach her on the night of the Christmas party. That is an event notorious for 'sleazes' to make their move, and often results in a litany of staff complaints.

Have a conversation with her.
Ask her straight out, after talking about work stuff, introduce something personal like a hobby or sport you maybe involved with, volunteer something about yourself, e.g., I love cooking, but I live alone, so don't often get the chance to cook as much as I would like for other people...how about yourself? Are you married, and/or do you like cooking? etc?

magneticimpulse

please dont approach her at the christmas party!!! it is very cringe worthy. by all means have a chat etc, but dont expect to play out any moves.

i think so many bad things happen at christmas parties (or at least can do) and people make choices they normally wouldnt make.

from my own experience I know guys who have snogged girls...only for the girl to not be interested after the christmas party, lets just say she made the wrong choices. then to only have to work with this guy for a further 4 years.

or people losing their underwear in taxi's after the christmas party (a married couple) only for the taxi driver to turn up to our company to return the "lost knickers" to the receptionist...to pass onto the owner.

from the guy who pissed all over the bed because he was so drunk and his manager was so embarrassed he offered to pay the hotel damages to the bed.

to the really quite guy who took off his shirt and started dancing on the tables topless with the top USA managers (CEO) looking in horror.

to the other manager starting a food fight.

to the 2 girls who thought it would be clever to order "triple" jack daniels at the free bar and down it and later spent the night in the toilet getting sick.

to the people who stole other peoples taxi's and left the other people stranded at the hotel venue.

to the 5 guys praying on the 1 single hot woman.


Trust me Christmas parties are funny...but only when you were not the main topic of discussion and everybody in work loves to spread the gossip about the christmas parties (on the other hand i won the companies air miles and got myself a 1st class return flight to Australia)

Also another time one of our managers was out for his 40 birthday party and was quite drunk...obviously he knew i was single and anyway since it was his birthday and he used to be the manager of my housemate i bought him a drink. then he grabbed my crotch and asked me to go outside for 15 minutes, that it had been years since he had slept with a woman. i didnt know what to do. i was the only woman and the guy friends were either looking on in shock or laughing so hard as they thought it was funny. eventually he backed off. i told this to a few work colleagues and they couldnt believe how creepy this guy was. my other housemate (who snogged d other guy) was convinced he used to stand outside our house everymorning...in fact he did actually do this!!! i didnt work in the company when he did that to me, but it just shows you what sleeze bags creep out after hours!!! its really not a good to make a move with people in work unless its 110% positive there is chemistry or spark.

Fittle

For what it's worth, I suggested the OP approach another colleague at the night out, to ask if she's single. I didn't suggest you approach her OP. I just thought that in a more relaxed atmosphere, that conversation wouldn't seem as pointed.

Anyway, I agree with others here - as you have already had conversations with her, bring up cooking or similar - you might not have to actually ask, she might volunteer that 'I'm single so I only cook for one..' or something similar.

gandalf

Seriously you are 41, if you are interested in her ask her casually if she'd like to go for a drink after work. If she is married, in a LTR or not interested she will more than likely refuse. If she agrees then you can suss out if she is really single, available and reciprocates the interest in you.

Whatever you do all I can do is echo the advice of others here, DO NOT wait until the Christmas party if you are interested in her.

silkworm53

John400 wrote: »

I am a 41 year old single guy. There is a girl who works in the same company as me who i do have an interest in.

My dilemma is the following- how do i go about discreetly finding out if this girl is genuinely single or not?

The reason i'm asking is that she works in a different area of the company to me but i would see her every couple of days and she started relatively recently at my workplace. The thing is that i get on with her like a house on fire and she's on my wavelength.

I've looked out for a engagement/wedding ring and she doesn't wear one.

The main reason i'm asking is that my company's Christmas party is on the 10th December in a pub in the city centre (Dublin) and i'm going to make an effort to chat her up and see how things may or may not progress.

In a nutshell i don't want to make a complete fool of myself by ruining a good working relationship if she's already seeing someone.

Why not ask her yourself?
She is either going to say yes or no.
If she says she is single, ask her to the company Christmas party.
If she says she is with somebody, that gives you time to ask someone else.
If she says she is with somebody, she's not going to hire a contract killer to shoot you for asking her out.

I am a friend

gandalf wrote: »

Seriously you are 41,

So??

Doesnt mean he should suddenly be bestowed with balls and nerves of steel.. Age and confidence in all things love related are totally unrelated.

OP, talk to her the next time and just ask her what she does with her weekends. Dont rely on hints like blushing etc as men (no offense) often get these signals wrong (well my friends do anyway...)

If you ask her enough quesitons about her social life and interests, if she has a partner it will come up in the conversation but as the others have said, dont wait to hit on her at the Xmas party.

Good luck