Romantic or creepy?

Austerity

I met and and fell in love with a girl many years ago, about five to be precise. Now it seems that she is living in Germany. Her relationship status is unknown to me(haven't asked).

I am currently living in Asia but I think I have quite a good chance to get a job in Germany next year.

Would it be creepy to get a job in Germany so I can meet her again?
Does this sound romantic or creepy?
I honestly believe I love her still. I think about her 1-2 times per week, even though i haven't seen her face for roughly five years.

perri winkles

I think it would all depend on how she feels about you really. Have you kept contact with her?

I wouldn't change jobs unless you know that something might happen again between you.

squeakyduck

Did you apply for this job specifically just to meet her and possibly be with her again or did you just apply for the hell of it to benefit yourself?

I wouldn't put up your hopes that she will be willing to get together with you again, first off you say her relationship status is unknown to you. I don't keep my relationship status on face book even though I have a boyfriend. She might have a boyfriend herself.

5 years is a huge amount of time for people to grow mentally, who knows when she met you she might not be interested in the way you hope. If she rejects you will you really want to stay in Germany or would you want to go back to Asia?

Wibbs

More suitable here.

outdoorsygirl

wow. Hold your horses!!
You are risking at lot.
You say you are in love with her and you think of her once or twice a week.
How long have you had these feelings?
It seems to me that you are lonely in Asia, and that you want to get with this girl you haven't spoken to in four years, and if that means applying for a job and getting it to be closer to her, so be it.

Well, now.
Why not email her and chat her and see how she is doing first? You will find out very quickly if she has or hasn't a bf.
Next step might be to suggest meeting up as you are going to Germany for a meeting.
She might agree to meet you for a drink or coffee, but it DOES NOT mean she is interested in going out with you.
Remember, just because she may or may not have a regular bf doesn't mean she will take up with you.
I think five years is a long time. People change, mature, develop different habits, tastes and interests. She may not be the person you new back then.
I wouldn't give up my job in Asia on the assumption or hope she willtake up with you.
Maybe what you need to do is get involved with the community you live within in Asia.

tenchi-fan

Austerity wrote: »

Would it be creepy to get a job in Germany so I can meet her again?

I think you'd be setting yourself up for a huge fall.

S23

Austerity wrote: »

Would it be creepy to get a job in Germany so I can meet her again?

Does this sound romantic or creepy?

Yes.

Creepy.

Sorry to be harsh here but you have no type of relationship with this woman from what I can tell and you're talking about moving halfway across the world. She could be married for all you know.

You need to work out why you are so hung up on her still. I'm sorry you're feeling this way and I'm sure you're not a creep in general but that would be some seriously creepy behaviour.

I know it would freak me out anyway

Austerity

outdoorsygirl wrote: »

wow. Hold your horses!!
You are risking at lot.
You say you are in love with her and you think of her once or twice a week.
How long have you had these feelings?
It seems to me that you are lonely in Asia, and that you want to get with this girl you haven't spoken to in four years, and if that means applying for a job and getting it to be closer to her, so be it.

Well, now.
Why not email her and chat her and see how she is doing first? You will find out very quickly if she has or hasn't a bf.
Next step might be to suggest meeting up as you are going to Germany for a meeting.
She might agree to meet you for a drink or coffee, but it DOES NOT mean she is interested in going out with you.
Remember, just because she may or may not have a regular bf doesn't mean she will take up with you.
I think five years is a long time. People change, mature, develop different habits, tastes and interests. She may not be the person you new back then.
I wouldn't give up my job in Asia on the assumption or hope she willtake up with you.
Maybe what you need to do is get involved with the community you live within in Asia.

These feelings never went away. She is the only woman I have ever met that I can't say any bad things about.

solovely

I think it's romantic!! She could be thinking of you too, and if it's someone you think of so much, I think it's worth taking a risk....I'm not saying move out there in the hope of getting with her, but at least email her. Tell her you see she's in Germany, you have a job opportunity over there, has she any advice to offer on living and working in Germany, then just general stuff about what she's up to these days.
You will get a good vibe from her as to whether she wants to regain contact or not. If the first email goes well, then I'd suggest asking for her number and giving a call, then you will really know how at ease she is with the whole thing.

I know (from experience) how you build up positive memories of someone and almost create a fantasy world around them when they live 1000s of miles away....but reality doesn't always equal fantasy, so I'd just be careful of jumping into anything.

But hey, if I were her, and it was something really special five years ago, I know I'd like to know either way if there was a chance. if she is clearly not interested, then you have lost nothing, you haven't made the move, she is not someone you see in your everyday life, you don't have any material ties to her, so no embarrassment or chance of humiliation. Go for it. I don't think getting in touch with her and possibly meeting her is creepy at all. Moving out there wouldn't be creepy either, it would just be a big risk for something that may not amount to anything.

Good luck with it!!!

seenitall

Romantic or creepy?

It's romantic if she wants you, creepy if she doesn't.

After 5 years of no contact, you have no possible way of knowing which it is, so find that out first, before jetting off with high hopes.

Don't even go anywhere near Germany if she has no interest in reconnecting with you romantically!

Chinafoot

Austerity wrote: »

These feelings never went away. She is the only woman I have ever met that I can't say any bad things about.

No offence OP, but given that you haven't had any contact for 5 years you wouldn't have that much to say about her at all really.

5 years can make an enormous difference in a person. You have no idea what she has experienced, or indeed endured, over the last 5 years so in reality you don't know her anymore.

Have you even spoken to her? Emailed/sent her a message on facebook?

Planning a move based on a relationship that ended 5 years ago is creepy in the extreme. Why not get in touch with her and actually try to reconnect. For all you know the girl could be married with kids, or she could be a totally different person to what you knew. You may even discover that the rose-tinted glasses are very much attached to your face right now..

Kimia

Em, nowhere did the OP say that they were in a relationship 5 years ago. It sounds like a MAJOR case of unrequited love to me.

verdict: Creepy.

OP, no. Don't do it. And have a long hard think about why you want to move half way across the world for some girl you haven't even seen in 5 years. It's odd.

Cheap Thrills!

Austerity wrote: »

i haven't seen her face for roughly five years.

Austerity wrote: »

Would it be creepy to get a job in Germany so I can meet her again?

Creepy.

You don't know if she's even single.
You haven't met her in 5 years.

It would be unbelievably embarassing and odd to move to another country to try to start a relationship with someone you are not even close enough to know whether she is single or not.

You also talk about being 'in love' with her, but yet only 'think about her twice a week' Sorry, reality check that is not love.

You only write a short post but from it, it sounds like you are living in a bit of a fantasy land. How about getting out and about and trying to meet a girl where you are now?

zxcvbnm1

I don't think creepy is the right word. It's more odd and insane in the extreme. You weren't even going out with this girl. You have convinced yourself you love her and placed her on a pedestal by saying you can say nothing bad about her Youpresumably don't know her all that well in that case.

This is a serious case of infatuation if you plan on move continents on the off chance you might hook up with her. She could easily be married.

My own advice us to get a life of your own and start living in the present. She's just one girl. I'm guessing you havenexttozero relationships since meeting this girl.

I really think some people underestimate the saying of plenty more fish in the sea. I know I'm guilty of it myself in the past. Do yourself a favour and start believing it.

Chinafoot

Kimia wrote: »

Em, nowhere did the OP say that they were in a relationship 5 years ago. It sounds like a MAJOR case of unrequited love to me.

God you're right! That makes it even worse.

Don't do it OP. It doesn't matter if those feelings never went away. You don't know her.

LegacyUser

In fairness, I don't think the OP has clarified whether he had a relationship with the girl before.

OP, if you think getting away from the life you are living and moving to Germany would benefit you then maybe you should just go. Make it clear to the girl when you get there that a great work opportunity came up, you happen to be living near her now and it would be nice to meet up for a drink.

Make sure you have enough to occupy you, work-wise and leisure-wise, when you get there without relying on this infatuation or expecting anything to come of it. You never know what might happen.

The reason I am responding is that it reminds me of the time I got back with my boyfriend. We had been together casually for a few months, he held a torch for me for five years, he got back in touch (playing it cool) and now we've been together again for nearly two years. He played his cards right second time around and I fell for him. You never know. Just be careful how you deal with it.

Austerity

You make me sound like some loser who doesn't know anything about girls. I do get my fair piece of "action" here in China, but I can't really see myself in a relationship with any of the girls I meet here. I just fool around with them.

Kimia

Op, were you in a relationship with this girl 5 years ago? How did you guys know each other then?

Austerity

Kimia wrote: »

Op, were you in a relationship with this girl 5 years ago? How did you guys know each other then?

A girl I was with for a while... 2 months...

Kimia

So, you were with her for 2 months 5 years ago and haven't seen her since?

Stop for a second and think rationally about this. Do you think it's normal for you to be still slightly obsessed with this girl, to the point of seriously considering moving countries to be near her (not even with her, just near her)?

Why did you guys break up and why are you not in contact anymore? I mean, if you are talking all the time, reminiscing, remembering the good old days and both talking about getting back together then fine, that's romantic.

But if you haven't spoken a word to this girl and have no idea if she's with anyone because you haven't been speaking to her (why?), then it's creepy. And I think you know this deep down.

zxcvbnm1

Ya. It's a crazy idea. You need to get your own life instead of pining for the past.

cafecolour

Def creepy.

However, are you sure you're actually still pining just for her, or are you homesick in general (not necessarily for Ireland, but for a more 'Western' culture and 'Western' women) and are transferring that all to her?

silkworm53

Hi OP

Contact her, let her know you want to meet and maybe you could meet her in person and if you find out she feels the same way as her see if you can both get together. If you really feel for someone genuinely as long as you are not trying to possess them and take away their freedom, why not go for it?:)
If you love her let know.
But if she makes it clear she doesn't feel the same way, let it go and move on.
You don't want to be sitting around in 5 years wondering why you didn't do anything about it.

I am a friend

Austerity wrote: »

Now it seems that she is living in Germany. Her relationship status is unknown to me(haven't asked).

Are you in touch with her or not? If so, how often and what quality contact is there? If you only think of her once or twice a week I assume its not very often?

Austerity

I'm unable to find her on Facebook, maybe she is not a member.
I still have her email address, sent her a mail a couple of months back. I got the impression she was back in New Zealand on a holiday.

Could send her another email but I have no idea what I should tell her. Talking about what I'm doing in China is probably not that interesting.

Zen65

Austerity wrote: »

Would it be creepy to get a job in Germany so I can meet her again?
Does this sound romantic or creepy?
I honestly believe I love her still. I think about her 1-2 times per week, even though i haven't seen her face for roughly five years.

Honestly? I think it's creepy and ill-judged.

You thinking of her is meaningless, and does not make you in any way suited to each other.

If she has not responded to your e-mail with any enthusiasm, then you need to forget her completely, move on and make your own life. If you persist in going after her, be prepared for a court order banning you from getting within 500 metres of her!


Be at peace,

Z

Squiggler

OP, if you emailed her and she didn't reply I think that says a lot. Of course, there is the possibility that the address isn't one she uses anymore. Do you have any other contact information for her, or any other way of finding her?

My OH and I met 14 years ago. He's not from Ireland so we didn't see each other for nearly 13 years and totally lost contact with each other for about 10 years. Last year I found him on myspace and made contact again, within a week he'd booked flights to visit and we've been together since, married over a year, with baba number one on the way. It turned out that, in the intervening years, letters had gone missing in the post and telephone messages hadn't been passed on.

But I would only suggest making one more attempt to contact her. After that you would be pushing the boundaries of creepy if she is not responding by choice.

00112984

If she had felt the same way, you both would know it by now.

Chances are she's in a relationship. 5 years is a long time. She could be married with kids by now and won't appreciate being contacted by a blast from the past who is burning a flame.

So my verdict is: creepy.

OP, do you think you could be idolising this woman a bit? Being with her for two months all those years ago is no indication of the type of person she turned out to be. You mentioned not finding anyone interesting in China. China's a pretty big place! Any chance you have this girl at the back of your mind as a "back up"?

astra2000

Austerity wrote: »

I'm unable to find her on Facebook, maybe she is not a member.
I still have her email address, sent her a mail a couple of months back. I got the impression she was back in New Zealand on a holiday.

Could send her another email but I have no idea what I should tell her. Talking about what I'm doing in China is probably not that interesting.

You would have no idea what to say to her in an email but you are planning on moving continents to be near her, this does not ring true at all.

Smallbit

Austerity wrote: »

I'm unable to find her on Facebook, maybe she is not a member.
I still have her email address, sent her a mail a couple of months back. I got the impression she was back in New Zealand on a holiday.

Could send her another email but I have no idea what I should tell her. Talking about what I'm doing in China is probably not that interesting.

It would be creepy if you turned up without warning. However, if you were to contact her and simply say you were thinking of moving to Germany for a particular job, then surely that would be a sound basis for a conversation?

During such a conversation, via email or whatever, she would have the opportunity to offer you help, e.g. with finding accommodation and such. Her position would be easy enough to gauge by her reaction to you contacting her...

dublingal80

op - you need to find out first if she is in a relationship or not.

she could be single... or she could be engaged or married to the love of her live and if you move to germany only to hope to meet her again and be with her, you are setting yourself up for a HUGE fall

Its so easy to day dream about people from our past and how amazing things could have been but in reality things usually dont work out that way. Id be afraid that if she was single and if you did take this job in germany and if you did meet her, you would either be let down by her and you wouldnt be interested any more or she wouldnt be interested and that you would be in germany alone, not knowing anyone

OS119

OP, its sounds creepy as fcuk to me - getting a scratch in your loins for some bird you knew donkey's years ago, and maybe looking for a convenience shag if you happened to be going somehere near where is now is one thing (perfectly natural!), but moving 8,000 miles just to be in the same country as that bird when you've not spoken in years, when your last contact was so lame that you aren't even sure if she was on holiday in NZ - or somewhere - or living there, is somewhat to the right of 'should be locked up forever' stalker-dom.

Smallbit wrote: »

It would be creepy if you turned up without warning. However, if you were to contact her and simply say you were thinking of moving to Germany for a particular job, then surely that would be a sound basis for a conversation?

During such a conversation, via email or whatever, she would have the opportunity to offer you help, e.g. with finding accommodation and such. Her position would be easy enough to gauge by her reaction to you contacting her...

this^^^^ however, maybe a solution - say 'hi, hope you're well - heard you're living in Germany these days, any chance you could give me some ideas about 'X' city? been offered an interview at 'Y' and want to know if its a nice place... blah blah blah...

the existence, speed, length and warmth* of the reply will tell you what you need to know.

* unless she says 'i'm single and an inpaitent at st.lucinda's hospital for incurable nymphomania, please come and rescue me' she's not interested, and you'd be well advised to remove all trace of her from your emails, phone, diary etc... and possibly to cut Germany out of your atlas.

Austerity

I have left China, I shall be applying for jobs in Europe now. Looking at one job in Germany, someone I know from a previous job works there. I hope he can hook me up.

michellie

Lads. have a look at his other posts, he's clearly nuts. I wouldnt take this seriously.

And I wouldnt find it romantic or creepy, id be scared if I was that girl.