Really really fancy my best friend and depressed over it

LegacyUser

s a little strange in the way she ahs an unbelievable high standard when it comes to other lads. She also has a sort of "policy" that friends can never be more than that. She rarely gets with anybody else unless she really likes them.

I know she doesn’t like me in the slightest. I 'overheard' on face book once that I would be "The last person she would ever fancy" and "not in a million years" would she ever get with me. I can just tell by the way she goes on that she wouldn’t fancy me at all. eg. She’s very criticizing of how scrawny I look, she doesn’t like any of my clothes, I have horrible looking feet etc etc.

On the other hand I fancy the arse off her, and I have so for months. I spend so much time with her its impossible for me not to. I'm not the most outgoing person so I don’t have too many friends male or female and I tend to stick to the people I know well

When I fancy someone it can go on for months and I only ever have eyes for them. Often she tries to set me up with other girls who I don’t want to get with because I only want to hang around with her. And because I haven’t as much as kissed another in the past 8 months, she thinks i'm gay. Sometimes she asks me to set her up with someone, an it kills me inside, but I have to act as if I don’t care

theses no way imp going to make a move on her because 1) I know its a waste of time, she will never go for it and 2) I don’t want to ruin the friendship, well, not ruin but, you know..

So much of my time is spent thinking about her and being around her other areas of my life are gone to ****e. Hard to sleep, terrible diet, always on the lookout and paranoid when she’s talking to other people

Basically i'm building myself up for a terrible let down. Eventually she’s going get a boyfriend and ill just become depressed altogether

I hate hearing that she has gone out with her girlfriends because I know there’s a chance that someone will get to do what I really want to do. Shes gone out tonight with other friends and I just feel terrible..

This is really really getting me down at the minute. Theirs no chance im going to get with her and there’s no way that I can just stop liking her so is a no win situation
I'm finding thing hard enough in college anyway but this is the main reason why, I think.

I feel like I haven’t even touched the problem in these few lines, I could write for hours

I don’t even know what imp asking for here... any replies or even opinions?

thanks

Zaph

Tbh, I'm more than a little curious as to how you could describe this girl as your best friend, and how you could be so obsessed with her considering how she speaks about and to you.

feeling terrible. wrote: »

I know she doesn’t like me in the slightest. I 'overheard' on face book once that I would be "The last person she would ever fancy" and "not in a million years" would she ever get with me. I can just tell by the way she goes on that she wouldn’t fancy me at all. eg. She’s very criticizing of how scrawny I look, she doesn’t like any of my clothes, I have horrible looking feet etc etc.

LegacyUser

Like the other poster, how good of a friend is this person if she slags ya off like that?
If she is a good friend and ye are really close, despite her ramblings, maybe the lady doth protest too much and actually likes you as well.

Think ya have to ask yourself whether you're hanging around with her because you fancy her or if ye'r friendship is the be all and end all. If it's the first then go for it because you're just going to make yourself more miserable. Worst case scenario is that she isn't interested but at least ya know where you stand and can move on.
Feck it man, if the friendship is too important to even try anything it's going to be torturous for ya to see who she may end up with while you bury your feelings. If ya think ya can consiously get over her then fine otherwise make some kind of a move. But do it tactfully.

pwd

It does sound she likes to put you down alright.

A woman talking about a guy's clothes is a girlfriendy thing to do tbh...It sounds like you might be her surrogate boyfriend. All the emotional support, without any restrictions.

There's probably a much better chance she'd want to go out with you than you would expect. You'd need to stop acting like her surrogate boyfriend first though.

[I would bet a large sum of money that she knows you like her, and that she knows you like her more than anyone she tries setting you up with. I'd also bet she would hate to think of you liking someone else more than her.]

That said, she doesn't sound like an especially nice person. Sounds like someone suitable for a short-term encounter, not someone suitable as a girlfriend. You also seem like you would be well-off focusing on yourself for a while, before trying to get into a relationship...Doing so would likely provide a stronger foundation for one in the long term.

So essentially: Distance her. Focus on yourself. Do tell her how attracted you are to her and shift her if the opportunity arises. Then forget about her and stay focused on yourself.

alexa5x5

Agree with all the other posters. Regardless if my friend (best or otherwise) is male or female I would never talk about them in the way you've described your "best friend" talking about you.
If I felt my friend could do something to make themself look better I would never point it out or slag them off about it. If this is how she talks to her friends what the hell does she say to her enemys??!!
Im sorry if that sounded harsh but I think it might help you to get over this crush you have on her. Would you really like to go out with some one who has said such horrible things to you and behind your back?? Dont you think you deserve someone much better than her?
I think you do

ManOfMystery

I'm going to tell you something you pretty much already know - there's no future (at least, not as a boyfriend/girlfriend) for you and this girl.

It takes two to tango. You can fancy her all you like, but if she has no romantic interest in you at all then you really need to get your head round that and start living your life without obsessing over this girl. And as the posters above mentioned, for someone who is meant to be your 'friend' she says an awful lot of negative things about you - friends are meant to lift you, not drag you down. Perhaps your romantic interest in her is blinding you to this fact.

Trust me also when I say you could be missing out on a whole lot of life because you have eyes only for this girl at the moment.

Back when I was 18, many many moons ago, I worked alongside a girl who I was nuts about. Used to give her lifts home all the time, got to know her folks, we went out to bars, sat and watched films, went shopping, etc. We had a fantastic friendship ....................... but the problem was, I fancied the pants off her. Thought about her pretty much 24/7 and all my time was consumed thinking about whether we could ever get together. But I eventually found out she only ever saw me as a friend - another friend of mine overheard her say as much. This didn't stop me though, I still had myself convinced she would wake up one morning and suddenly realise that I was the one for her.

Anyway, about a year into our friendship (and my obsession) she took part in a student exchange program and a foreign girl came to stay with her. And as I was so friendly with her, I met the foreign girl a lot and spent a lot of time with them both. Almost immediately, my friend was trying to hook me and foreign girl up - but alas, I only had eyes for her and the thought of having a fling or some kind of liason with this exchange student never even entered my head.

Anyway, time went on, we grew apart, went to uni etc, I moved on. And years later, while thinking about this one day, realisation hit .............. and I literally kicked myself. That foreign girl was a complete stunner. And looking back, I suddenly saw all the signs that just as I was lusting after my friend, the exchange student was very into me.............God knows why, but she was! But I had the blinkers on and totally ignored all the signs. Couldn't see what was staring me in the face. She was a beautiful girl, great personality, etc - who knows what could have been.

So anyway, sorry for the long story, but I'm just speaking from experience - start getting out and about and doing more things in your life without this girl. You need to broaden your horizons and start seeing what's around you. You don't have to cut her out completely, just put some distance there and stop making her the centrepoint of your life. They say distance makes the heart grow fonder - I disagree - in my experience, distance helps you to move on and start to enjoy the other people you have around you.

And who knows, when a bit of space suddenly emerges in your life, some other girl who's just right for you might be able to squeeze in there.

Beruthiel

feeling terrible. wrote: »

theses no way imp going to make a move on her because 1) I know its a waste of time, she will never go for it and 2) I don’t want to ruin the friendship, well, not ruin but, you know..

So tell me OP. Exactly how much of your young life are you prepared to waste on someone who doesn't give a toss about you?
Isn't it a great ego boost for her to have such a faithful lapdog following her around everywhere. Your usefulness will one day run it's course and you will be dropped.

Scrape whatever bit of self respect you can muster together and walk away from her.
Every minute you waste on this girl is another minute letting the love of your life pass you by without you even seeing her.

LegacyUser

How can this girl be your best friend when she has criticised you so much? Where is your self pride?
I wouldn't have anything to do with her to be honest.
She is way too self indulgent, and believe me she will get her own commuppence.
You should stop listening to what she said about you.
Focus on you. You seem a nice person. Don't hand on every word she has said about you.
We all fancy someone who doesn't fancy us back. that's life.
I would ignore everything she has said about you, and instead get to know girls who will like you for who you are and not what you are.
I am sure you have great qualities and a sense of decency.
Girls look for those qualities in a guy. Looks are skin deep and quickly wear off. What a girl wants in a guy is him to be funny, jovial, but can be serious when needs be, who will look after her, be kind and understanding towards her.
Best of luck.

Wagon

I've been in this situation before. Identical really.

feeling terrible. wrote: »

s a little strange in the way she ahs an unbelievable high standard when it comes to other lads. She also has a sort of "policy" that friends can never be more than that. She rarely gets with anybody else unless she really likes them.

So it'll never happen.

I know she doesn’t like me in the slightest. I 'overheard' on face book once that I would be "The last person she would ever fancy" and "not in a million years" would she ever get with me. I can just tell by the way she goes on that she wouldn’t fancy me at all. eg. She’s very criticizing of how scrawny I look, she doesn’t like any of my clothes, I have horrible looking feet etc etc.

Forget the sexual side for a second. Say you didn't have anything for her at all and you read that. Would she still be your mate?

You are in a terrible position here. In fact, the worst one you could possibly be in. I seriously doubt she doesn't know how you feel. All this trying to set you up with other mates of hers and then calling you gay because you aren't interested... But rather than trying to sort this out with a bit of dignity (such as maybe asking for a little distance so you can sort your head out), she is keeping you around. There's no other blokes on the scene because of her high standards but she might want a bit of emotional support in the meantime. That's where you come in. The day when she gets a boyfriend, you won't see her at all. And if it ends, she'll be back crying on your shoulder. Because you are really only there to make her feel better.

So you have to make the difficult choice here and consider telling her to piss off for a while. Make new mates. Your confidence is shot to pieces at the moment because the person you are mad about believes you're a scrawny, smelly homosexual. You believe her because you think the sun shines out of her arse. I've been there before, i know exactly what you're going through.

Put a lot of distance between the two of you and while it'll be hard at first, stick with it. You won't know yourself in six months time. It's the only way bud.