Should I be so annoyed about his joking

Trackie

Hi, I was just looking for some advice. I have started dating this guy about 3 months ago and we are official about 3 weeks. Anyways I knew from the moment I met him he was a joker and not afraid to take the piss and I liked that.

But now its starting to get to me. For example if anything goes wrong he says "its all your fault", in messages he greets with "hey smelly", he sometimes calls my brother and sister "knackers". I know he's messing but the constant joking is annoying me and I don't find it funny what so ever.

Even today when I was talking to him I was trying to get him to travel to meet me at the weekend and he said "yeah i may do nothing else to do, nobody better to see". I said " great im a last resort so!" and he said " aw, glad you realize it, ok smelly, work just came in, i better go i'll talk to ya soon x"

Am i being over reacting or being over emotional?
I would love it if he threw in a complement here or there but its very very rare!

LegacyUser

It just sounds like his personality, to be honest. I know it's hard, but try not to take it personally. I bet he doesn't have a clue that it bothers you, and I also bet that if he did, he'd stop immediately!

So...... talk to him! Tell him that you know it's his sense of humour and you like that about him, but it'd be nice to be a bit affectionate without joking around.

He's not going to realise it bothers you unless you tell him it does. He's not a mind reader!

TitoPuente

Hmmm. Sounds somewhat "immature" really. Just put your boundaries up. Let him know that for every slagging he better throw in a compliment or two

silkworm53

He's using the classic treat them mean keep them keen.:)
You should sit him down and tell him it's really getting on your nerves and tell him to stop.

Trackie

Thanks for the advice . Yea I do think think it is pretty immature. Believe me I would love complements and if he is doing the whole treat em mean its not working! However this is where I come into difficulty and always do, if this is the way he has been from the start and probably always is can it be right for me to try and change him? Maybe some girl would love all that, I just don't think I can put up with it for much longer

Trackie

kjhkjh wrote: »

It just sounds like his personality, to be honest. I know it's hard, but try not to take it personally. I bet he doesn't have a clue that it bothers you, and I also bet that if he did, he'd stop immediately!

So...... talk to him! Tell him that you know it's his sense of humour and you like that about him, but it'd be nice to be a bit affectionate without joking around.

He's not going to realise it bothers you unless you tell him it does. He's not a mind reader!

Sorry I didn't see your message there. Yea that makes alot of sense. I do think it is his personality and does not mean any harm by it. I should talk to him. I was thinking myself that its probably the best thing to do. I was just worried about coming across as being petty, but I suppose it bothers me so I should say something. Thanks

TitoPuente

Do you mind me asking how old he is?

Trackie

No not at all. He's 23 and im just a few months older

TitoPuente

Emotionally mature 23 year old men aren't exactly two-a-penny to be fair. You might have to wait another 4 or 5 years before you start consistently meeting men who aren't idiots. In most respects, he's still a kid. Give him a slap on the wrists and tell him to stop. He's certainly old enough at 23 to take the hint.

Trackie

Ah sounds like your speaking from experience! Yea I know there are pleanty of idiots out there. I would love to meet a slightly older mature guy but as luck would have it I generally meet guys younger. :rolleyes: a slap on the wrist might just do the job ha thanks

TitoPuente

Trackie wrote: »

Ah sounds like your speaking from experience!

Yeah, I used to be 23. I had my moments where I was a complete cock. Most guys my age look back at their relationships when they were 23 and cringe. Take the upper hand and put him in his place. Just do it with a bit of humour and as if you don't care... but be reasonably stern. He'll get the message.

Trackie

TitoPuente wrote: »

Take the upper hand and put him in his place. Just do it with a bit of humour and as if you don't care... but be reasonably stern.

Sounds like a good idea, I will try my best . Thanks for the advice

silkworm53

Trackie wrote: »

Sounds like a good idea, I will try my best . Thanks for the advice

You need to turn the tables in a playful way.
Men have been getting away with it for too long.

I think I might know where your man has been getting his ideas.:D

<snip>

Trackie

silkworm53 wrote: »

You need to turn the tables in a playful way.

Yea but Im going to have to find out how to come across as being playful rather than bitchy...I don't want him to feel im criticizing him!

Haha that is hillarious. It must be programmed into some men :rolleyes:

MaxPower89

Good advice there OP, I'm afraid to say that I was like your BF when I started going out with a girl when I was 23...I didnt even realise I was doing it till she just said it to me one day...cringe when I look back at it now!

As others have said, just mention it to him in a not too serious way, you dont want him to drop his 'joking' personality alltogether.

MitchKoobski

Afraid to say that he reminds me of myself...

Don't take what he says to heart, if it does bother you at times then say it to him and I'm sure he'll tone it down. Turn his humour against him as well, always hated that one myself .

shampon

Trackie wrote: »

Hi, I was just looking for some advice. I have started dating this guy about 3 months ago and we are official about 3 weeks. Anyways I knew from the moment I met him he was a joker and not afraid to take the piss and I liked that.

But now its starting to get to me. For example if anything goes wrong he says "its all your fault", in messages he greets with "hey smelly", he sometimes calls my brother and sister "knackers". I know he's messing but the constant joking is annoying me and I don't find it funny what so ever.

Even today when I was talking to him I was trying to get him to travel to meet me at the weekend and he said "yeah i may do nothing else to do, nobody better to see". I said " great im a last resort so!" and he said " aw, glad you realize it, ok smelly, work just came in, i better go i'll talk to ya soon x"

Am i being over reacting or being over emotional?
I would love it if he threw in a complement here or there but its very very rare!

Your overreacting take a chill pill and talk to him about it if it bothers you that much.

Kimia

I would be so unattracted to any man who carried on so immaturely. It's not even funny, it appears that he has problems expressing how he really feels so he makes light of it by calling you pseudo-affectionate names like 'smelly' etc.

Seriously, I would be so not on for that. I couldn't handle feeling like someone's mother because that level of immaturity would make me feel old and haggard. I have no interest in that kind of 'oh let's slag the shít out of each other because we actually like each other' nonsense.

beks101

I dated a 30 year old guy who did this so it's not necessarily an age thing.

It went from being endearing and a little sexy to downright annoying and offensive in a matter of weeks. If it's any consolation OP you're probably not the only one he's calling 'smelly'...he probably did it with his exes too. Sort of like how a pre-pubescent boy teases and slags the girl he likes. Sexy indeed!

Maybe not the most mature response in the world but I dealt with it by doubling the insult and returning it every time he started at it. If you want to double the effect, pick something that he's a bit touchy about (in my case, I won't say...). Completely immature and mean of course but when you get the negative response, you can broach the conversation of him acting like a childish prat and how you thought he would be OK with it, seeing as you are supposed to be.

magneticimpulse

Trackie wrote: »

Hi, I was just looking for some advice. I have started dating this guy about 3 months ago and we are official about 3 weeks. Anyways I knew from the moment I met him he was a joker and not afraid to take the piss and I liked that.

But now its starting to get to me. For example if anything goes wrong he says "its all your fault", in messages he greets with "hey smelly", he sometimes calls my brother and sister "knackers". I know he's messing but the constant joking is annoying me and I don't find it funny what so ever.

Even today when I was talking to him I was trying to get him to travel to meet me at the weekend and he said "yeah i may do nothing else to do, nobody better to see". I said " great im a last resort so!" and he said " aw, glad you realize it, ok smelly, work just came in, i better go i'll talk to ya soon x"

Am i being over reacting or being over emotional?
I would love it if he threw in a complement here or there but its very very rare!

Please run away from this guy...at least think about it sure...then run far far away. Ive dated a guy like him before and he had self esteem issues. He is like a bully but does it in a "joke" way. So much so I went from a very bubbly fun person to a nervous wreck like the ex!!! He completely distroyed all confidence.

Please think if you think this guy could have the same impact on you? If you think yes, run away. There are so many nice genuine fun guys who can make jokes without having to insult you are your family.

kylith

I'd say talk to him about it, tell him it upsets you. If he doesn't make an effort to change his ways then then you'll have some thinking to do.