Break up regret

LegacyUser

Recently out of a very long term relationship. When it ended I knew it was the right thing. We were too different and wanted different things in the future so although we were plodding along happily enough I never really saw a future there and that continuing on together was just delaying the inevitable and gonna make it harder in the long run.

However as the weeks go by I find myself really only thinking of the good things and all the reasons we were together for so long, I certainly never lost the attraction and I keep thinking "why did I end it?".

This was the 2nd break up for the same reasons in just over a year and I broke their heart both times and mine. I guess, as I've never had another really serious relationship, I'm asking is it normal to feel like this even if you were the one to do the breaking? Is it a normal part of the process?

My biggest fear is that I cave and try and get them back only to end up back here again. I know there's no easy answers but just looking for others experiences.

Thanks guys.

LegacyUser

I recently had the same kind of break up. Believe me when i say you need to stick with your gut feelings that this relationship wasnt for you as this is the truth. Remembering all the good things is natural, we all do it after a break up! Stick with it and i promise it will get better.

Something i found useful was writing a list of all the bad things ... the reasons why you believe you werent meant for each other .. and read this list at times of weakness. Really helps put your mind back on track.

Nody

I'd be more worried if you had no regrets then having regrets... Ensuring you do the break up in a good way is also very important for both parties, more so if you're the one initiating it.

LegacyUser

I have been there also, broke up in May but could not stay friends etc, should have seen the writing on the wall with 'Issues'. When decided no contact I got a text out of the blue and she wanted to be friends, tried but it was alot and then only contacted when in bother or things not going right in her life. I felt used as she only wanted support for herself but never gave me any. When she found a new bloke all contact stopped and got nasty with me. Best advice I ever got was think of all the bad points and very soon they outweighed the good ones. I have thought about her from time to time hoping she is ok but thats about it
Move on and forget

LegacyUser

When i broke up with my Girlfriend it was pretty mutual as we argued alot and it was the right thing to do, i also though i would be ok with the breakup but after about a month i got so depressed and missed her so much, ive never been in such a worse state in my life and i tried to get her back and really hasstled her, i should have taken more notice of the warning signs and we probably would'nt have broken up
She would be the first thing i thought about before going to sleep and the first thing i thought about in the morning and thats still the case 8 months on

Anyway sorry for taking advantage of your post but she is from London and will be moving home at xmas after been in Dublin for 4 years, i text her last week to meet up and say our goodbyes and she text me back(she hasnt responded to my texts in months) and said ok, so we're going for a drink next week,

How do i approach this? i would love to get back with her but i dont know if she wants to get back with me, my head is wrecked now and almost healed wounds have reopened

LegacyUser

'whatshouldido' don't get your hopes up as she is heading back and out of your life for good and is only saying her goodbyes. I have been there like you and just take your hook up with a pinch of salt or best still don't meet up as it will only bring back old memories and feelings.

Whispered

Hi OP, feeling like that and having regrets is completly normal. And I think for one or two special relationships, you never loose the "what-if's".But if it was the right thing to do at the time, chances are it was the right thing to do. It's great that you can remember the good things.

I'm a bit confused by your post. At the beginning you say

124578 wrote: »

Recently out of a very long term relationship.

then later in the post you say

124578 wrote: »

This was the 2nd break up for the same reasons in just over a year .

You also say "try to get THEM back". Do you mean one of the two girls you've broken up with in the last year and a bit? Do you think you miss being in a relationship, as opposed to the girl herself?

(i'm sorry if I picked you up wrong, I'm just a bit confused by the post)

CKING

How long where you together?? You are responsible for your own happiness and you have to listen to your gut instinct. The reality is prob just settling in and maybe you are starting to feel a little lonely. I think you always relate back to the last time you were happy with someone and we all sometimes to easily forget the negative things. Do you want a family with this person will they make a good parent? were you more happy than sad with them? Sometimes the grass does seem greener on the other side but give yourself a chance to let things settle and have some time to get yor head straight.

LegacyUser

same-journey wrote: »

'whatshouldido' don't get your hopes up as she is heading back and out of your life for good and is only saying her goodbyes. I have been there like you and just take your hook up with a pinch of salt or best still don't meet up as it will only bring back old memories and feelings.

I should have taken your advice and decided not to meet up with her, it was amazing to see her and we went out on 2 nights(nothing happened) and had a good laugh but thats about it and now i'm in bits again and to make matters worse its a depressing monday morning and i'm trying to hold back tears here in work

LegacyUser

Whispered, sorry for the vague post. "Them" is just the one person, was trying to be gender neutral. Maybe a bit paranoid. The 2 break ups were with the same person and we got back together and lasted over a year before this.

CKING. We were together for 5 years. Most of which was great but you're right about some very big points. I do want a family and I never felt the person would make a good parent and I guess that was possibly the biggest issue looking to the future.

My head's still in a mess and I still miss them terribly. Not sure how things are gonna pan out, in my head or in reality, but I think I have definitely been given all the chances I deserve with them and maybe it's time to face the future without them. Perhaps it is just the huge changes in my life that have me more shook up than anything.