Broke my heart on facebook :(

LegacyUser

Had a fight with my boyfriend of 6 and a half years on sunday night only to wake up on monday and see that he changed his relationship status to single on facebook. I'm in bits he told me we're not good together and he wishes he never met me and he is refusing to give me my stuff back. I love him so much but if this is what he wants I can't stop him....what is it they say if you really love them you'll let them go. I don't know what to do. I feel like ill never find someone I love as much as I love him again. I just want to die. if anyone can tell me how to get over him please share cause I'm totally and utterly lost

Jenneke87

facebookbreakup wrote: »

Had a fight with my boyfriend of 6 and a half years on sunday night only to wake up on monday and see that he changed his relationship status to single on facebook. I'm in bits he told me we're not good together and he wishes he never met me and he is refusing to give me my stuff back. I love him so much but if this is what he wants I can't stop him....what is it they say if you really love them you'll let them go. I don't know what to do. I feel like ill never find someone I love as much as I love him again. I just want to die. if anyone can tell me how to get over him please share cause I'm totally and utterly lost

That must have been one hell of a fight if he decides to throw away 6,5 years in a number of hours. It´s sounds a like a rush decisionTBH. He says the two of you are not good together, it took him 6 years to find out? Everything he says and does more sounds like someone striking out in anger that someone whoes being completely serious. If I were to break up with someone, I´d give back there stuff ASAP so i´d have nothing more to do with them.

I can understand your shock and pain. Just let it be for the moment, there´s not much you can do right now. Be gentle for yourself right now, things will slowly get better in time.It might help to let him cool down for a number of days and see if he´s in a position to talk to you. Find some friends/family to talk to so they can lend some support and a shoulder to cry on.

All the best,

J

LighterGuy

This happened Sunday but its only Tuesday Op
Its too soon for anyone to be giving advice other than "just wait and see"

You are both highly emotional right now.
especially knowing you've been together 6 and a half years.

nickobrien1986

Hmmm...
Guys including me have a syndrome where we know what we're doing is wrong, like fighting with our girlfriends, we go overboard and we can't stop.
I believe with many men, emotions such as anger are addictive chemicals.

I would advise you to try and let him calm down for a while, let the stem off, then see.

Also I don't want to hear any of that 'I want to die' nonsense. too many people have died due to ridiculous boyfriend/girlfriend problems.

Miss Fluff

What age are you both OP? I only ask because his behaviour doesn't sound like that of a mature adult. You have a particularly nasty row and he "breaks up" with you publicly through FB?

Maybe take a few deep breaths and see what transpires over the coming days as it all sounds rather hasty to me....

Overheal

facebookbreakup wrote: »

Had a fight with my boyfriend of 6 and a half years on sunday night only to wake up on monday and see that he changed his relationship status to single on facebook. I'm in bits he told me we're not good together and he wishes he never met me and he is refusing to give me my stuff back. I love him so much but if this is what he wants I can't stop him....what is it they say if you really love them you'll let them go. I don't know what to do. I feel like ill never find someone I love as much as I love him again. I just want to die. if anyone can tell me how to get over him please share cause I'm totally and utterly lost

I seriously came into this thread after reading the title, thinking you had logged onto facebook to see your boyfriend tagged in some raunchy sex-scandal photos or something, or he's changed his profile portrait to him kissing some trollop or something.

But get a grip: he changed an arbitrary "relationship status" setting on his profile because he was in a pissy mood, and you want to die???

I think a little perspective is in order here; and a lot of composure. a 78 month relationship doesn't go down the drain because someone tweets an update on their relationship status. Surely, in six and a half years, you've had a few bad arguments? Wars have been fought and documented in less time!

LegacyUser

OP here I've tried to talk to him a few times over the week but he doesn't want to talk all he has said is that he loves me but he can't be with me anymore I haven't stopped crying all day. How can he say he loves me but not even want to try sort it out. I know I'm not perfect or anything and I can be hard to handle sometime when I get upset about stuff but he refuses to talk anything through I just don't know what to do I'm in bits. I'm spending everyday in work trying not to cry my eyes out and trying to keep busy but it all comes out in the end. there hasn't been a day where I haven't cried and I can't talk to any of my so called friends as most of them have fecked me over confidence wise with stuff before so I just don't want to risk it. I've just had such a hard year with trusting friend and he's my best friend and the one i always turn to but now I have no one I don't know what to do anymore

wasper

facebookbreakup wrote: »

Had a fight with my boyfriend of 6 and a half years on sunday night only to wake up on monday and see that he changed his relationship status to single on facebook. I'm in bits he told me we're not good together and he wishes he never met me and he is refusing to give me my stuff back. I love him so much but if this is what he wants I can't stop him....what is it they say if you really love them you'll let them go. I don't know what to do. I feel like ill never find someone I love as much as I love him again. I just want to die. if anyone can tell me how to get over him please share cause I'm totally and utterly lost

He sounds like childish. He got his priorities all warped. He doesn't have the courage to face you & end it but rushes to his puter to tell the whole world. Then he doesn;t want you but won't give you your things back. I think you shouldn't waste your tears & emotions on him. Ask someone that he might listen to to give your things back.

Chinafoot

Overheal wrote: »

But get a grip: he changed an arbitrary "relationship status" setting on his profile because he was in a pissy mood, and you want to die???

I think a little perspective is in order here; and a lot of composure. a 78 month relationship doesn't go down the drain because someone tweets an update on their relationship status. Surely, in six and a half years, you've had a few bad arguments? Wars have been fought and documented in less time!

What a nasty post. Not only has the OP been dumped by her boyfriend of 6 and a half years, but she was dumped in a very public way. You might find facebook relationship status settings to be unimportant, but the fact is this guy has let all of his friends know he has dumped his girlfriend without actually speaking to her. They had a row and he has acted like an immature arsehole and you're telling the OP to get a grip and completely belitting how upset she feels?!

OP, you have every right to be upset and to want answers but for now I would suggest you stop contacting him. He needs to calm down before you can have a serious discussion. I know its easy for me to say, but if this is how he reacts after an argument, perhaps you will be better off out of this relationship.

Best of luck!

Overheal

facebookbreakup wrote: »

OP here I've tried to talk to him a few times over the week but he doesn't want to talk all he has said is that he loves me but he can't be with me anymore I haven't stopped crying all day. How can he say he loves me but not even want to try sort it out. I know I'm not perfect or anything and I can be hard to handle sometime when I get upset about stuff but he refuses to talk anything through I just don't know what to do I'm in bits. I'm spending everyday in work trying not to cry my eyes out and trying to keep busy but it all comes out in the end. there hasn't been a day where I haven't cried and I can't talk to any of my so called friends as most of them have fecked me over confidence wise with stuff before so I just don't want to risk it. I've just had such a hard year with trusting friend and he's my best friend and the one i always turn to but now I have no one I don't know what to do anymore

There's a lot going on in this post, and with you. What I mean is it would probably help to talk about each of these things separately for you and get them off your chest:

I know I'm not perfect or anything and I can be hard to handle sometime when I get upset about stuff

I can't talk to any of my so called friends as most of them have fecked me over confidence wise with stuff before so I just don't want to risk it

I've just had such a hard year with trusting friend and he's my best friend and the one i always turn to but now I have no one I don't know what to do anymore

Like Chinafoot says this isn't the time to react, but maybe to reflect. Explore where you might have gone wrong, where you might improve yourself; your friends' betrayal and whether it can be resolved; etc. I'm not trying to be harsh but it seemed like it was a small row and not worth the reaction given. But if your ex doesn't want to talk then it's worth finding out what the triggers were

MissHoneyBun

As somebody who has experienced this, I know how you feel OP. Mine was also a long term relationship and to say you'd expect more is an understatement.

I think this is a very messed up, passive aggressive thing to do, designed to publicly humiliate someone in front of their friends and family. Some might say 'It's only Facebook' but at the end of the day, Facebook is populated by real people with real lives and therefore carries real implications for what's carried out there.

Let's just say the person who tried this with me won't ever be getting an opportunity to impact on my life again. Actions speak louder than words OP and sometimes actions are the only language people like this understand.

Chinafoot

Overheal wrote: »

Like Chinafoot says this isn't the time to react, but maybe to reflect.

I'd appreciate it if you would not include me in your words of wisdom there Overheal. You have essentially gone from "Get a grip you overreacting dramaqueen" to "Take a look at yourself cos this is your fault".

He is the one who is being ridiculous. He is the one that needs to learn how to deal with things in an adult manner. Refusing to speak to her about it, telling her he wishes he never met her and refusing to give her stuff back to her are not the actions of the mature party here.

nickersop

facebookbreakup wrote: »

Had a fight with my boyfriend of 6 and a half years on sunday night only to wake up on monday and see that he changed his relationship status to single on facebook. I'm in bits he told me we're not good together and he wishes he never met me and he is refusing to give me my stuff back. I love him so much but if this is what he wants I can't stop him....what is it they say if you really love them you'll let them go. I don't know what to do. I feel like ill never find someone I love as much as I love him again. I just want to die. if anyone can tell me how to get over him please share cause I'm totally and utterly lost

aHHH the nasty world of Facebook, I'm totally addicted to it but it was the most evil thing in the world when it comes to relationships, its the whole idea of being able to watch their lives from afar and it is sooooo unhealthy. I am so sorry for your pain it's awful I have been there myself with a long relationship, after a stupid fight that was it it was all off and 6 years gone and I meant nothing, I am not going to tell you it's going to be fine and you'll get over it tomorrow because you wont, it's time and unfortunately unless you hibernate (also unhealthy!) there is no way to quicken the process. Here are the list of things I did to survive: (Hope this helps)

1. New Hairsyle (reinvent yourself!)
2. Go out more regularly buy gorgeous sexy dresses that make you feel fantastic not for a man but for you!!
3. Surround yourself with your friends who will tell you he is a bastard and you are so much better than him and they never liked him anyway!!
4. Galaxy bars..my best friend...especially the new ones with the biscuit in it!
5.No Man deserves your tears....please remember everyone has had their heartbroken at least once..and it makes us better and stronger, I thought I would never find anyone after I broke up with someone and If I ran into him again I would shake his hand..he did me the biggest favour, I met someone 10 times better!!

Overheal

Chinafoot wrote: »

I'd appreciate it if you would not include me in your words of wisdom there Overheal. You have essentially gone from "Get a grip you overreacting dramaqueen" to "Take a look at yourself cos this is your fault".

He is the one who is being ridiculous. He is the one that needs to learn how to deal with things in an adult manner. Refusing to speak to her about it, telling her he wishes he never met her and refusing to give her stuff back to her are not the actions of the mature party here.

You're right I won't include you in my words of advice if your advice is that the OP could have had possibly zero part in the breakdown of a 6 year old relationship. It's not a Binary matter: there is no "Either he is wrong or she is", which is what you appear to be saying. Relationships, especially, are not a one-way street. And especially not when they've lasted 6 years. No one thing caused this relationship to break down; and abject denial that there is nothing you could have possibly done to set this thing in motion - without at least considering the possibility that you may have - is pointless, all it will do is make yourself feel better in the short term, but it will do nothing to resolve the issue. Now, if you think real hard, and look at yourself real honestly, and come to the realization that you truly did everything perfectly in this situation: Great! But you owe it to yourself to ask the question, and give yourself a real answer.

Chinafoot

Overheal wrote: »

You're right I won't include you in my words of advice if your advice is that the OP could have had possibly zero part in the breakdown of a 6 year old relationship. It's not a Binary matter: there is no "Either he is wrong or she is", which is what you appear to be saying.

*sigh*

Thats not what I said. At all. We are discussing her feelings about how he ended the relationship, which you completely belittled, and his subsequent refusal to even speak to her about it. Telling her to take a good hard look at where she went wrong is hardly going to help her. If anyone is playing a blame game its you. He was completely out of order in how he ended the relationship but until she speaks to him nobody can say who is in the wrong. Making her think its her fault, which is what your "advice" insinuates, is hardly constructive.

Also, as someone who has been in a relationship for the last 5 and a half years, I really don't need to be schooled on the nature of relationships by you. Thanks all the same.

Zaph

Guys, if you want to continue this please take it to PM.