do i end it

LegacyUser

i have been going out with my gf for 8 years. we moved in together over a year ago. but some weeks she moved out saying i'm too busy with work to care for her. she is kinda stroppy but underneath it all is very down to earth, if not a little highly strung.

I have two jobs trying to make ends meet. i work about 60-70 hours a week.

i thought things were great between us, but lately I just feel distant. I always thought she was the one and that we would get married and stay together forever but now I feel let down, she just moved out overnight and didnt speak to me for weeks. Then after i made a huge effort she tells me she still wants to go out. "i didnt know we had broken up" I'm really confused over the whole thing. I still love her to bits but i'm 27 and i dont want to waste my life with someone who is going to up an leave when the going gets tough.

any ideas or have you been through similar

Des Carter

Tell her exactly what you wrote there and see what she says.

Chicago Chick

As mentioned above, sit her down and tell her how you feel. You have made it pretty clear how you feel in the message above so make it clear to her and ask her where she see's your relationship going in the future. It is the only way to find out. Good luck with it.

LegacyUser

Bf& I went through a practically identical experience.
You may have made the classic error of thinking all these things about you as couple, your future, ect....BUT not communicating these to her, or equally, not acting on them?
She probably feels like her only purpose in living with you is to cook, clean, iron, & be available as a bedmate whenever you've the time/energy...all this without any solid sign of committment/ return from you; ie: engagement/marriage plans.
You're feeling hurt she broke it off because now things aren't working to your schedule& you suddenly have to factor her into your relationship. This is a wake up call, you need to decide what/who you want, & not let your dented pride get in the way.

LegacyUser

there's hanging around when the going gets tough,& there's being a doormat- which was what she was being by staying around housesitting as a girlfriend. she was in limbo ,neither here nor there, not single enough to go out flirting/having fun, not married enough to feel secure in the relationship to not resent doing all the dogsbody work.
ref Beyonce- if you like it, then u shuda put a ring on it.
quit thinking about yourself& start putting her first.

claireeney

loco parentis wrote: »

i have been going out with my gf for 8 years. we moved in together over a year ago. but some weeks she moved out saying i'm too busy with work to care for her. she is kinda stroppy but underneath it all is very down to earth, if not a little highly strung.

I have two jobs trying to make ends meet. i work about 60-70 hours a week.

i thought things were great between us, but lately I just feel distant. I always thought she was the one and that we would get married and stay together forever but now I feel let down, she just moved out overnight and didnt speak to me for weeks. Then after i made a huge effort she tells me she still wants to go out. "i didnt know we had broken up" I'm really confused over the whole thing. I still love her to bits but i'm 27 and i dont want to waste my life with someone who is going to up an leave when the going gets tough.

any ideas or have you been through similar

kinda sounds like she threw a wobbler and instead of having a proper grown up conversation about it she legged it. Did you find out why she left instead of sticking around to discuss it? What did she do for them weeks she was gone? Will she do it again at the drop of a hat? Is she a bit unsettled living together after going out for so long and not? Are you sure you didnt see this coming and she got really fed up with dropping hints?

Dude, you need to have a good talk and find all this out. You'll probably know from her reaction how future discussions will go.

best of luck!

grizzly

If I were you I wouldn't be tripping over myself to run after her. She sounds immature in how she's dealing with the lack of attention – by not explaining anything to you. You could just be reenforcing this type of behavior in future.

that said if you love her – let her know exactly how you feel.

LegacyUser

its not as if she is left at home all day. she has her own job and all house work was done fifty/fifty.

i have not been given a reason why she moved out, she just did and refuses to speak about it.

Nidot

I think you should maybe focus more on what the guys are saying here the women seem to feel that it's completely up to the man to dictate the communication in a relationship and then if they're not happy with the level of communication they can throw a strop and blame it on lack of communication on his part.

Communication is a two way street, if one person feels there's something wrong and doesn't tell the other person then they're the one with the communication problem not the person who doesn't know.

Your girlfriend to me seems to be wanting something, best you can do is ask her what this is and if she can't communicate this to her then you're better off without her as she obviously doesn't want to make something of this.

Balls in your court.

LegacyUser

i have not been given a reason why she moved out, she just did and refuses to speak about it.....she moved out saying i'm too busy with work to care for her.

She did give a reason. She must have been hugely hurt to walk out after 8 years of her life, a very difficult thing to do. A relationship needs give and take. Sounds like youre too busy for a relationship.

LegacyUser

Maybe she figured you'd probably try to talk her around, but nothing would/could change. I very much doubt things were split 50/50 if you're working 60-70hour weeks...the average person would be too exhausted. Maybe a lot was done "behind the scenes" before your arrived home?
It's a strong message she's sending out by moving out. Not "I don't care for you", just "I care for me more". Which isn't necessarily selfish per se if she felt she was in jeopardy of losing herself& her life into this sea of work work work.
Are you asking do I end it, because you've stopped loving her, or because you've been given a shock and want to get in there before she does?

meglome

sdagdfgharhlg wrote: »

there's hanging around when the going gets tough,& there's being a doormat- which was what she was being by staying around housesitting as a girlfriend. she was in limbo ,neither here nor there, not single enough to go out flirting/having fun, not married enough to feel secure in the relationship to not resent doing all the dogsbody work.
ref Beyonce- if you like it, then u shuda put a ring on it.
quit thinking about yourself& start putting her first.

The guy says he working so much to 'make ends meet' and is also doing his fair share of the housework. I don't know if you noticed but people are struggling financially. Would putting a ring on it help with that?