How long do guys wait to text/call.....GRRR

LegacyUser

I'm sorry....I realise my dilemma is quite trivial but weirdly Ive never been in this situation before so playing it cool is a struggle.

I've only had 2 serious relationships in my life and both stemmed from friendships!

Anyway, I met a guy on Sat night at a mutual friends birthday party, we spent most of the night chatting and he shared my taxi home even though he lives at the other side of town and he knew in advance he wouldn't be coming in and besides we only kissed for the first time when we were halfway home in the taxi and as I was saying goodbye he asked for my number.

I kinda expected to hear from him on Sunday, but so far.....nothing. I'm not thinking about it all the time or anything, just wondering if this is normal or should i forget about him?

RoseOz

Some guys follow the 'contact on 3rd day' rule, so there's the chance you will hear from him soon!

Others are super keen and will contact straight away to show their high interest level. This can work either for or against them, depending on how the girl views the guy

I remember being very flattered when a guy I was keen on texted me whilst I was still in a cab on my way home. I've also found it creepy when guys I've not been fussed about have made contact too quickly....

But as they say, if a man is keen, he WILL let you know.
As much as you might like him, keep up with your normal routine & enjoy time with your friends Don't dwell on someone you don't know that much about too soon!

John Mason

why dont you phone him?

outdoorsygirl

Get on with your life and if he rings you well and good.
I once gave me number to a guy who appeared very keen on me.
We only kissed and had met twice.
He wanted to take me for a long walk the next day, a Sunday, but he never called me.
I never heard from him again.
So, just 'cos a guy appears keen at midnight, after a few drinks, doesn't mean he will be so keen when he awakes sober the next day!!!
Enjoy his attentions but don't be checking your phone every five minutes.
If he wants to contact you , he will.
I wouldn't ring him.

_Kaiser_

I hate this kinda childish game-playing to be honest. If you are interested in someone, why mess them about like that?

Personally speaking if I was out with someone and had a good night I'd just text them later with something like "hey, thanks for a great night. Hopefully do it again soon."

Lot easier than this silly "will they, won't they" stuff people do!

weatherguy

If one person says they will ring the other then they should.
This messing about with people's feelings is childish, immature and wrong.

Leelaa22

Couldnt agree more, that 3 day rule is total BS. Any fella who feels he has to follow that rule isnt worth your time. The way i look at it is, if he wanted to contact you, he would have.
I wouldnt worry too much about it, there is always someone better waiting around the corner. So yes keep busy, keep your head up and just remember, his loss.

I am a friend

You didnt ask for his number - he asked for yours so if anyone should be doing the calling, it should be him...

Hon, if he were interested / is interested he will be on.. He asked for the number so he should be doing something with it... Dont wait round for him though

LegacyUser

OP - STOP !!! This is a man speaking from experience.

I remember, when what feels like a hundred years ago now (25 years ago approx), I met a girl on a long bus journey down to Galway. We talked the whole length of the journey. I was / am big into GAA and played a lot of hurling and football. She played camogie with a club in North Dublin or Meath.

This girl was stunning, with such a very very very pleasant, lively personality. I was smitten. I really mean, I WAS SMITTEN.

Journey ended. She gave me her phone number on a piece of paper (if I would like to go to one of the do's in her club). This was completely innocent stuff.

We parted company in Galway and I went on by car to a friends house, 30 miles away in a small fishing village. When we arrived, he asked for help lifting pots out in the bay. I dropped my bags in the house, grabbed a life preserver and went with him immediately.

Between the jigs and the reels, pots are being lifted, and I end up in the water. We got ashore and I showered and changed. My friends Mam grabbed my wet clothes, taking keys and whatever cash was in pockets out and put them in the wash. (GAA Mams did this)

You know what has happened. The girls name & number went in the wash and were completely unreadable when they came out.

I didn't give up though. I knew her first name and nothing else. I used to go around the clubs in that area, for matches or training, hoping to meet her. I used to bring 2 pals from Kilkenny with me and we'd arrive togged out and mess / train on pitches in that area. My pals thought I was loopers as we had UCD or the Phoenix Park down the road to mess in. I never told them what I was up to, until very recently (before I was married). They had a good laugh.

I never met the girl again. I hope she is happy.

If only she knew !!

Pick up the phone & call the guy !!! He might have been lifting lobster pots the next day for his pal too.

La frog fairy

STOP !! wrote: »

OP - STOP !!! This is a man speaking from experience.

I remember, when what feels like a hundred years ago now (25 years ago approx), I met a girl on a long bus journey down to Galway. We talked the whole length of the journey. I was / am big into GAA and played a lot of hurling and football. She played camogie with a club in North Dublin or Meath.

This girl was stunning, with such a very very very pleasant, lively personality. I was smitten. I really mean, I WAS SMITTEN.

Journey ended. She gave me her phone number on a piece of paper (if I would like to go to one of the do's in her club). This was completely innocent stuff.

We parted company in Galway and I went on by car to a friends house, 30 miles away in a small fishing village. When we arrived, he asked for help lifting pots out in the bay. I dropped my bags in the house, grabbed a life preserver and went with him immediately.

Between the jigs and the reels, pots are being lifted, and I end up in the water. We got ashore and I showered and changed. My friends Mam grabbed my wet clothes, taking keys and whatever cash was in pockets out and put them in the wash. (GAA Mams did this)

You know what has happened. The girls name & number went in the wash and were completely unreadable when they came out.

I didn't give up though. I knew her first name and nothing else. I used to go around the clubs in that area, for matches or training, hoping to meet her. I used to bring 2 pals from Kilkenny with me and we'd arrive togged out and mess / train on pitches in that area. My pals thought I was loopers as we had UCD or the Phoenix Park down the road to mess in. I never told them what I was up to, until very recently (before I was married). They had a good laugh.

I never met the girl again. I hope she is happy.

If only she knew !!

Pick up the phone & call the guy !!! He might have been lifting lobster pots the next day for his pal too.

awww that is so cute;-)

OP cut to the chase and listen to your instinct, if you feel that he was genuine and you do want to hear from him then contact him, simple as that.
Nothing to lose and if hes not interested and doesnt ask you out or make plans then you will know hes not that into you and move on.

Best of luck!

moco

Don't contact him yourself!! If he likes you he will be in touch.

My boyfriend kept me waiting 4 days I think after I first met him before he texted. He probably doesn't want to seem too keen.

I know it's horrible and you'll be checking your phone all the time but be patient & good luck

Distorted

Could be anything up to and slightly over a week! In fact I've had guys contact me after 3 months (without the kissing at the first meeting), by which time I've invariably forgotten who they are/am seeing someone else. I wouldn't chase him though. If he's any kind of man, and has your number, he will contact you. Equally you don't want one contacting you too soon, thats a bit off-putting and most of my friends have had the experience with the over-keen ones that seem too good to be true, that they suddenly do a disappearing act when they meet the next best thing! Enjoy the excitement!

Nikbik

Im kinda in the same boat, Met a guy sat night and he asked for my number, texted me to make sure i got home ok and he texted on sunday to say how great it was to meet me bla bla bla now i have a date this weekend, Dont text him - he asked for your number so let him be the one to do the contacting, If he asked for your number you prob will hear from him before the week is out, By wed or thurs anyway.. I use to have my head wrecked over if's and but's and maybe's up until ( lame i know) i seen He's just not that into you and i realised if he's keen and interested he WILL make it known if not then you move on..... "Next"........ Good luck and let us know if he texts

solovely

Oh, it's so irritating waiting for a guy to text, and it doesn't get easier. And no, you shouldn't text him or call him first, which is so frustrating cos as women of our generation we are not used to having to wait around or have control taken from us just cos we're women. it's totally unfair, but unfortunately, that's the way it works!!

Like other posters, I have had guys text me the next day, and guys wait nearly a week to text, so there are no hard and fast rules, although generally if he does text the next day, it's a good sign that he will be good to communicate from there on, whereas in my experience, the guys who wait around 4-5 days to send the first text will be the ones who will wait 4-5 days to text every time and leave you feeling frustrated for the entire time you see them (believe me, I have one guy hanging me on like that at the moment, and I'm the bigger eejit to care cos I know he's not interested....and he waited 5 days to send the first text!!).

It really is such a horrendous, obsessive feeling waiting for a guy to text, I don't think guys or people in long term relationships get it, and it gets worse as you get older! it's the powerlessness that gets you....even if you aren't totally mad about the guy!

And I do agree with RoseOz that you can find it creepy if you don't really like a guy and he texts too quickly, yet feel wonderful if it's a guy you really like, so for the guys there is no rule either as to when is the optimum time to text....either she'll like ya or she won't!

As for STOP!.....if only google stalking had been around 25 years ago

LegacyUser

I met a girl on Friday, brought her back to my place, no sex involved, just kissing etc :P She suggested breakfast on Saturday, got her number then and had a minor kiss.

I text her Saturday as I bumped in to someone who knew her, one or two general texts then but she seemed nice in responding, asking questions etc.

So i took the plunge and rang her tonight, it rang out and I couldnt leave a message, here's hoping she rings me back......

silkworm53

howdoesthiswork wrote: »

I'm sorry....I realise my dilemma is quite trivial but weirdly Ive never been in this situation before so playing it cool is a struggle.

I've only had 2 serious relationships in my life and both stemmed from friendships!

Anyway, I met a guy on Sat night at a mutual friends birthday party, we spent most of the night chatting and he shared my taxi home even though he lives at the other side of town and he knew in advance he wouldn't be coming in and besides we only kissed for the first time when we were halfway home in the taxi and as I was saying goodbye he asked for my number.

I kinda expected to hear from him on Sunday, but so far.....nothing. I'm not thinking about it all the time or anything, just wondering if this is normal or should i forget about him?

He is probably worried you will think he is needy if he rings you 'too soon' and is probably thinking he should leave it a few days before contacting you again.
As we speak he is probably agonizing over his next move.
Why not contact him first?
Take the bull by the horns.

LegacyUser

Met a guy years ago on a weekend away, and he'd rung my place before I even got back from weekend away. Lots of texts and calls every day during the week. Arranged to met him on Fri. Waited for half an hour, and he didn't turn up. Some guy in the pub was doing the "are you alright there, waiting for someone are you".

The guy had a stupid excuse for not turning up, but lots of ignored texts later, I thought ok, I really liked him, and anyone can make one mistake (just the one!). So I met him the next Fri. He turned up, which was an obvious plus! Getting on great, then he asks he if I want to go for a weekend with him, to which I broke my heart laughing at the silliness/cheek/ridiculousness of him. A couple of mins later, he went outside to take a call as he couldn't hear properly in the pub. And 15 mins after that, I realised that he wasn't coming back. So I was in a right old mood, gathered my stuff and left - and the guy who was saying "ah you're not on your own, are you waiting for someone" the Fri before was at the end of the bar and raised his drink at me and winked!! Totally different pubs - in town v out of town - lotto winning chances of that being coincidence!

So lots of contact straight away is not necessarily a good thing!! I'd give the guy a few days OP, it's all a bit of a dance of being interested without seeming to come on too strong. I know it's hard when you are checking your phone like a mad thing, but give him a little while to get in touch - maybe he is just playing it safe. Hope it works out well for you!

solovely

Wandering Wagon

and the guy who was saying "ah you're not on your own, are you waiting for someone" the Fri before was at the end of the bar and raised his drink at me and winked!! Totally different pubs - in town v out of town - lotto winning chances of that being coincidence!

I was sure you were gonna say you then got with this guy and ye've been happy together ever since!!;)

So OP, dying to know....has he texted?

Why not contact him first?
Take the bull by the horns.

Don't contact him first!!! It's crap and horrible and in this day and age, all things being equal, we should be able to make the first move, but seriously don't!! It wrecks my head that we can't, but it's just the way things are....irish men need to move on a long way before they can accept women making the first move, it hurts their egos and makes us look needy. I don't agree with this as I said, just the way it is unfortunately!!!

seenitall

solovely wrote: »

Don't contact him first!!! It's crap and horrible and in this day and age, all things being equal, we should be able to make the first move, but seriously don't!! It wrecks my head that we can't, but it's just the way things are....irish men need to move on a long way before they can accept women making the first move, it hurts their egos and makes us look needy. I don't agree with this as I said, just the way it is unfortunately!!!

I really don't think this is true. I think you would find, if you talked with a reasonably attractive and clued-in woman, that gets regularly approached on nights out, that she prefers making a choice herself of where to take things and how slow or fast to take them, as she can well afford to, usually - what's her possible loss, a guy being turned off by her initiative? On to the next night and the next guy, so.

Now, as in most other things that I discuss on here, I may be displaying a cultural difference here, as I am not an Irish woman and haven't been brought up here; I do believe that, as you say, Irish girls may be conditioned to act all passive and what-not, but in that case it is important that they realise they are only hurting themselves long-term; why limit your choices if you don't have to? To play a boy's game? Who will pull Irish men out of the "a good girl should sit and wait till I call" mentality, if it's not Irish women?

EDIT: Having said all that, OP, from your post I gather that you don't have his number anyway, so there is nothing you can do about it now? Except wait for him to call. I hope he does.

silkworm53

solovely wrote: »

Don't contact him first!!! It's crap and horrible and in this day and age, all things being equal, we should be able to make the first move, but seriously don't!! It wrecks my head that we can't, but it's just the way things are....irish men need to move on a long way before they can accept women making the first move, it hurts their egos and makes us look needy. I don't agree with this as I said, just the way it is unfortunately!!!

That's a load of cobblers. For goodness sake what are ya like?:rolleyes:

OP - ring him and ask him how he is and arrange to meet up.

Do it and stop thinking you have to play a game and stop agonizing over it. Get together and have a great time.

LegacyUser

Whats the rush?, you really like him and he probably has the same feelings for you. If he lost your number he will find you if he is interested. Best of luck and hope it works out for you but don't give up

Leelaa22

If i had his number Id contact him. Just to put my own mind at ease.

John Mason

solovely wrote: »

Don't contact him first!!! It's crap and horrible and in this day and age, all things being equal, we should be able to make the first move, but seriously don't!! It wrecks my head that we can't, but it's just the way things are....irish men need to move on a long way before they can accept women making the first move, it hurts their egos and makes us look needy. I don't agree with this as I said, just the way it is unfortunately!!!

Sorry but this is rubbish

OP, if you havnet heard from him now, move on to the next one

solovely

Originally Posted by solovely

Don't contact him first!!! It's crap and horrible and in this day and age, all things being equal, we should be able to make the first move, but seriously don't!! It wrecks my head that we can't, but it's just the way things are....irish men need to move on a long way before they can accept women making the first move, it hurts their egos and makes us look needy. I don't agree with this as I said, just the way it is unfortunately!!!

Hey, I'm not saying I agree with this in any way, in fact, it really wrecks my head, and could be part of the reason I'm still single. I'm just saying that unfortunately that's the way things are in Ireland right now. Maybe it's an age thing, not sure what age the OP is, but if she's late teens, early 20s, then she's probably in a better situation than us in the late 20s/ 30s brigade who are stuck back in the stone age!!

Those of you who are saying this isn't true.....have you got examples? I have one or two examples where the girl making the first text/ call worked, but millions more examples of where it backfired.

John Mason

solovely wrote: »

Those of you who are saying this isn't true.....have you got examples? I have one or two examples where the girl making the first text/ call worked, but millions more examples of where it backfired.

yeah, me i made the first move

do you think it never back fires on men?

Sarn

solovely wrote: »

Don't contact him first!!! It's crap and horrible and in this day and age, all things being equal, we should be able to make the first move, but seriously don't!! It wrecks my head that we can't, but it's just the way things are....irish men need to move on a long way before they can accept women making the first move, it hurts their egos and makes us look needy. I don't agree with this as I said, just the way it is unfortunately!!!

As a guy in my 30's, I would have to disagree. If a woman that I was interested in contacted me before I got the chance I'd have no problem with it. Leaving multiple messages over a short period of time would be a different matter.

solovely

Talked to a happily married woman last night and she said her tactic with men was to always take their number and not give hers...it put her in control and took away all the anxiety and turmoil....so maybe ye are right!!! And she is happily married now from using that tactic!! I'll try it next time and see how it goes

Dying to hear from the OP did he get in touch, and if so, what's happening??!

Crash Bang Wall

Im sorry but I dont like this playing games thing, if u like him and you have his number then text him. Why does the guy have to do all the chasing. As I see it, you have little to lose and a lot to gain. If he ignores you then you have your answer, and if he replies then you may have a date.

Im sure there are others who disagree with me but its my 2 cents

I am a friend

Op, in all honesty. If he hasnt been in touch by now, he is not all that pushed... "Next ..."