Falling for a taken guy - again!!

LegacyUser

Unreg at risk of confusing people

Um, started college a month ago. Meet this guy at the induction. We chatted a bit. He then took off - thought no more.
A week into it, we have 4 classes together.
I friended him on FB only to be dissapointed that he had a girlfriend. Then I tried to just think of him as a friend, but Im really failing to if im honest! We get on really well. We chat at school. We chat after. And I have no intention of making any move as its clearly a no go area! But theres chemistry. I never felt it before .With any guy. It was heightened today. There was kinda a moment we kinda stared and I looked away.
I really am a fail when it comes to liking the wrong guy, how can I stop being attracted to him? It wont obviously go anywhere, unfortunately!

Miss Fluff

Defriend him, he has a girlfriend

LegacyUser

um..I see him everyday in school? Do you mean, avoid?

spinandscribble

Some find themselves frequently attracted to people with bfs/gfs because its a safe crush. No need to put themselves in an arkward position of making moves when they can reason it away with "oh they're attached". its a comfort blanket crush.

Others are attracted to the drama, pushing the crush and their own limits.

Some just don't know when or how to put the brakes on a hopeless crush.

The fact you liked him, added him on facebook only to find and be disappointed that he had a girlfriend, probably means you fall into the last group. Nothing to worry about in the long run if you can cut yourself at this point in the future.
Carrying on with him now with the pretense of friendship is only going to hurt you in the long run. Its not particularly honest either. Maybe cool off on contact until you get your head straight?

flyton5

Hang tough. If he has feelings for you too then maybe something will happen. Dont expect it to happen right away though and dont go putting pressure on him. If it doesn't work out it doesn't work out. Move on. Dont go spilling your heart out to him on a drunken night out or anything. That could lead to serious awkwardness. Just play it cool.


edit: sorry I know it's stating the obvious but dont let anything happen while he still has a gf.

weatherguy

Don't feel that bad. If he is flirting with you and taking a special interest in you, then he is being disloyal to his gf.
You can have harmless chat and banter with college friends who are in relationship, no problem. We all need to expand our social network.
But, if as you say, you both have had cosy chats on a one to one basis then I would suggest he likes you.
So, my advice is this.
Don't get involved with him emotionally.
Be his friend and treat him like any other college mate.
Don't get too involved.
If he really likes you and fancies you he will ask you out.
Don't accept a date unless you are clear that he has broken up with his gf.
That might take six months to a year for him to do that.
Protect yourself. No cosy chats with him.
But don't blame yourself.
It takes two to tango!

seenitall

weatherguy wrote: »

Don't accept a date unless you are clear that he has broken up with his gf.
That might take six months to a year for him to do that.

Oh my. I thought I was jaded, but I hadn't a clue that there was a time-scale and a protocol for this kind of carry-on. Poor girlfriend.

Wibbs

weatherguy wrote: »

Don't feel that bad. If he is flirting with you and taking a special interest in you, then he is being disloyal to his gf.

True, but be aware that if he is being disloyal to his girlfriend and you end up with him down the line, what makes you think he won't be equally disloyal with you?

S23

Just a note, in case anyone is reading who is in a similar situation with their OH, there is absolutely nothing to suggest that he's taking 'a special interest' in the OP.

They are friends on facebook. No big deal.
They talk in college. No big deal.
They talk after college. No big deal

I've lost count of how many times an unrequited love has come on here with a 'oh but he/she looked at me a certain way so I know there is something more'.

I'd warrant that a large percentage of the time the 'look' is more in the head of the person pining after the attached person. And the 'chemistry' is one sided.

Not a single thing to suggest this lad is flirting with her in anything I've read so far. Sounds like a college crush to me