Asking a girl out on Facebook - a big no-no?

nickobrien1986

I've a friend on Facebook,
we don't each other that well,
but we actually have really close mutual friends.
When I met her previously there definitely was some sexual tension in the air,
and as we have mutual friends she knows I'm not nuts and vice-versa.

I've asked our mutual friends to get me and her in the same bar/club for the last few weeks but they've been so bloody inactive.
I hate stalling around, its annoying, so should I ask her to met up for a drink on Facebook? Or is it a real wuss way to ask a girl, shows a lack of masculinity??

S23

I don't really know the social etiquette regarding facebook and that so it's hard to tell.

What I will say is that if you've only met her once and you don't move in immediate social cirlces despite having mutual friends (you say you haven't seen here in the last weeks) then it might not be the best idea to ask her out that way. I'd say wait until you do run into her again and then ask away.

Maybe I'm wrong and women don't mind accepting unsolicited requests for dates via the internet from people they hardly know. I might be out of the loop as far as that goes

neveah

I don't know about asking her out straight away as you have only met her once, why don't you chat to her on facebook and build up a rapport with her first before you ask her out? If she is engaging with you then after a while you can ask her out for a drink, or if you want to keep it casual while you get to know her a bit first you could mention that you will be in pub x with one of your mutual friends and that she should come in.

Look at the other thread at the moment about a facebook date, it shows that it does happen and that it's not a big no no

LegacyUser

I've asked our mutual friends to get me and her in the same bar/club for the last few weeks but they've been so bloody inactive.

I hate to be the negative one in the room but: maybe the reason for delay is because they've suggested it to her and she wasn't keen?

so should I ask her to met up for a drink on Facebook? Or is it a real wuss way to ask a girl, shows a lack of masculinity??

I wouldn't have any problem with a guy doing this, but build up some rapport with her first, chat a little, you'll know if shes interested by her responses. Ideally (after chatting for a while) you could ask her for her phone number and then call her and ask her out.

nickobrien1986

Cheers for the advice.
When my mates did suggest me, she added me on Facebook, maybe an indicator of interest. There definitely was some attraction, but again I don't her really that well.
Basically im just too impatient to wait around and hope I'll bump into her

I do think asking a girl out on Facebook is something a wimp does

neveah

She added you on facebook? If so I'd be inclined to think that's a positive, unless she's one of those people who adds anyone she meets just to get her friend count up!:rolleyes:

nickobrien1986

she added me on Facebook, she ain't one of these 'friend whores' she had circa 120friends.
But, thing is I initially declined her on Facebook (don't ask!!, We've all made mistakes). A month later I added her, and she left me some semi-bitchy comment that she was 'happy she was finally good enough to be my friend.'

S23

Just start talking to her on there before jumping into asking her out. Don't dive in right away. You should be able to work out quick enough if shes interested or not. I mean the signs seem good enough so far so theres no harm in sparking up a bit of conversation

nickobrien1986

Just got a no from her. Dammit!

moco

nickobrien1986 wrote: »

she added me on Facebook, she ain't one of these 'friend whores' she had circa 120friends.
But, thing is I initially declined her on Facebook (don't ask!!, We've all made mistakes). A month later I added her, and she left me some semi-bitchy comment that she was 'happy she was finally good enough to be my friend.'

I know you said don't ask but...

Why would you decline her?

nickobrien1986

Some things in life we can't explain!

moco

nickobrien1986 wrote: »

Some things in life we can't explain!

Well that could have something to do with you getting a no when asking her out. I know if it was me, I liked a fella and added him but he declined me I wouldn't jump to say yes if he asked me out.

It may look to her like you're messing her about or playing games, especially when friends had indicated to her that you liked her.

nickobrien1986

Are things dead now?
Do I have another chance?

LegacyUser

Dude, you asked her out, she said no - can't really get more straightforward than that.

nickobrien1986

awww!!!
Well better to try and fail then to never try at all.

LegacyUser

Absolutely, fair play to you for asking.

nickobrien1986

I think I'll delete her off Facebook. I'm bitter

S23

I think you need to relax a little bit about this.

You gave it a go and got knocked back. However, as I suggested, a lot of women are probably not going to say yes to a request for a date from a guy they have only spoken to once and who is asking them out online.

You should have chatted to her a bit first and sparked up something that way before wading in. There are times to go and wade in and there are times to be subtle. This was a case of cracking a walnut with a mallet.

You could give chatting to her a go and still see if something progresses in the future. However, that will require patience. I don't know if you have the patience for it to be honest.

How old are you if you don't mind me asking. Guessing 24 by your login name. Old enough to know better than to be 'bitter' about being knocked back by a girl who doesn't even know you.

Chill out a bit. No need to be so frantic. Take your time in future because you can't always get what you want, on the spot, when you want it!

Best of luck

nickobrien1986

Just deleted her off Facebook. What's the point in knowing her?

neveah

Well she definitely won't be going back on her decision now, to be honest she'll probably be glad she said no if that's your reaction! Very extreme!

You probably should have chatted to her a bit and gauged her reaction to you before you asked her out. Anyway it's all done with now so forget about it.

LegacyUser

Well she definitely won't be going back on her decision now, to be honest she'll probably be glad she said no if that's your reaction! Very extreme!

+1

very juvenile, i can't have what i want so i'll throw a tantrum.

It could also come back to bite you in the ass one day, girls talk and ye have mutual friends, the next cute girl you have your eye on could be a friend of hers...

Absolutely fair play to you for having the balls to ask her out but a real man is gracious in defeat.

nickobrien1986

Speaking in a general sense what is the point of being nice to a woman who rejected you?

S23

She had no reason not to reject you. In fact you rejected her first. Then out of the blue you ask a stranger on a date and she says no so you react badly.

To answer your question "Speaking in a general sense what is the point of being nice to a woman who rejected you?"

because not every woman should be viewed in terms of a potential conquest and it's normal and healthy to have female friends with whom you have no interest in sleeping with.

nickobrien1986

Yes, but most people have enough male and female friends the way it is
There are women who you with whom you want to have a relationship with, not a quote 'conquest'. If they reject you, what's the point of being Facebook friends, or chatting to her in a nightclub/bar, it's wasted energy IMO, they've already blown u off, and they don't want to feel like bitches by being nasty to you.

silkworm53

nickobrien1986 wrote: »

I've a friend on Facebook,
we don't each other that well,
but we actually have really close mutual friends.
When I met her previously there definitely was some sexual tension in the air,
and as we have mutual friends she knows I'm not nuts and vice-versa.

I've asked our mutual friends to get me and her in the same bar/club for the last few weeks but they've been so bloody inactive.
I hate stalling around, its annoying, so should I ask her to met up for a drink on Facebook? Or is it a real wuss way to ask a girl, shows a lack of masculinity??

I think you are scared of rejection.
Firstly why would she think you are nuts for asking her out?
Secondly why are you depending on mutual friends to get together with her? Thirdly why do you believe getting together with her will only happen in a bar/club?
You have to sit down and have a think about why you seem convinced that taking a chance and asking this girl out will be such a disaster.
That is the real issue here.

Adelie

nickobrien1986 wrote: »

Speaking in a general sense what is the point of being nice to a woman who rejected you?

For one, if you're unpleasant or weird to her then she'll probably share that information with her female friends.

S23

How old are you? You should know better than this unless you're very young.

If you have enough female friends fair enough. However, you claimed at the start you have a lot of mutual friends. If you start being weird (as said above) word will get round. Also you wanted to know if you had another shot with her or was there no chance. You were told you could try actually talking to her and being patient then asking her out again but you don't want to do that.

If you don't want to talk to her again fine. No need to delete her because it will just make you look like a petulant brat. Honestly, I'm learning that this facebook craic seems to be the bane of some peoples existence. Younger people seem to put a lot of stock on what goes on with these social networking sites.

nickobrien1986

She's not my friend so I don't need her on Facebook.
She also said she's seeing someone at the moment which is a lie, mutual friends told me so.
I don't want to polite, she lost out here.

silkworm53

nickobrien1986 wrote: »

She's not my friend so I don't need her on Facebook.
She also said she's seeing someone at the moment which is a lie, mutual friends told me so.
I don't want to polite, she lost out here.

You are coming across as very hostile and quite bitter tbh.
Are you too pushy? Maybe that is why she said no and lied?
You can't wave a wand over a girl and make her like you.
You need to move on.

nickobrien1986

To hell with her.
She could have met up with me for an hour.
It would have been no bother to her.
Then she goes and lies to me by saying she with someone else?
No, no

S23

I'm sure Georgia Salpa has an hour of her day at some stage during the week she could easily spend meeting me if I asked her. It doesn't mean I'd expect her to do it, it doesn't mean she should do it just because she can and it doesn't mean I should go off on a hostile rant because she doesn't.

If you are being serious in what you say then I think you have some serious issues regarding the opposite sex that you may want to take a harder look at

silkworm53

nickobrien1986 wrote: »

To hell with her.
She could have met up with me for an hour.
It would have been no bother to her.
Then she goes and lies to me by saying she with someone else?
No, no

You need to think. I mean THINK.
An attractive woman is going to have guys like you - demanding she go out with them - coming on to her all the time.
So by demanding and needing her attention you come across as just one more guy.
She rejected you. Suprise, suprise.
You come across as a guy who is in a hurry and thinks he should have a girl by right.
She is NOT a piece of meat. She is a human being.
She has the right to tell you no and she doesn't have to explain.
Move on and learn from your mistake.

Distorted

nickobrien1986 wrote: »

Speaking in a general sense what is the point of being nice to a woman who rejected you?

Sheer decency and humanity? Not wanting to come across as someone who only speaks to people they can get something out of?

Despite her not really knowing you, sounds like she knew you well enough!

moco

nickobrien1986 wrote: »

Speaking in a general sense what is the point of being nice to a woman who rejected you?

You rejected her first by declining her friend request! Then you jump in and ask her out. She's obviously going to be wary of you.

Deleting her now will just make her glad she rejected you. As you say yourself, you're bitter and you've shown this to her.

If you'd spent a bit of time getting to know her she may have seen you're a nice guy and changed her mind. It would have shown her that you're properly interested in her.