Date with a man I met on facebook?

LegacyUser

A couple of months back, a guy that I'd about ten friends in common with added me on facebook. I get a lot of random men adding me, maybe about 25 a week, and never accept any of them. Since this is anonymous, and probably is relevant, I should say that I'd be perceived as a very pretty girl and am liable to be messaged/added by a lot of messers on FB. My own profile is hyper private but obviously I'd be in photos with friends etc.

Anyway, I accepted him cos I'd a good look through his pictures and his profile and he seemed totally legit and was very chatty with our mutual friends...and looked very handsome in his photos! Plus nightclubs and bars are useless for meeting men for me so I thought maybe online could be the way to go, and you can gauge someone better from FB than dating sites I think. He messaged me initially, explaining the random add, saying that he thought I was very pretty. Nothing sleazy or dodgy. He gradually started messaging me more over the last couple of weeks. From as much as you can judge someone's personality online, I thought/think he seemed/seems lovely, very witty and sweet. He took my number there last week, texted when he said he would, kept texting, and has asked me out to dinner this week.

Now I agreed to this but I just mentioned it in passing to my sister and she's absolutely shocked. I'm no eejit. I'm very responsible in terms of personal safety; I never even get drunk on nights out in case I might make a poor judgement call, but my sister thinks I'm literally out of my mind to entertain the notion of meeting up with someone I don't know and have never met. She thinks my looks means I'd be far more likely to fall prey to some weird predatory guy and is all "oh I'll tell mum what you're doing and she'll go mad". Ridiculous since we're both in our mid to late twenties.

Isn't this how so many people meet these days? Sure if you meet a random guy in a club you're armed with even less info about him. She'll know when/where I'll be on the date and I intend on telling one of very reliable male friends. I'm all confused now. I really want to meet up with him and I asked one of the friends we have in common about him and he checks out as a sane person. Is it reasonable to go or is my head just turned with the attention and making me act a bit siily?

neveah

I think you should go for it OP, who cares what your sister thinks! So what if you met online. You seem like you want to meet up with him so you should, why not? At least you have corresponded with him for a while and you have mutual friends so he isn't a complete stranger anymore now is he

Faith

I'd go for it. You've got 10 friends in common; if you're that nervous, check with a couple of them that he's not a psychopath. I've met guys through boards and through dating sites and they've been much more anonymous. I've yet to meet a psychopath. I think you can guage pretty quickly through communication if someone is crazy. If he seems nice and you like him, then go for it. Just remember to tell someone where you'll be and meet him in a public place etc.

gandalf

There is nothing weird or strange about arranging a date through Facebook. Its a social networking site for gods sake. As others have said ensure you arrange the first date in a public place and let some one know you are there and who you are meeting. I'd suggest a lunch date as the first getting to know you date so you can have a good face to face talk. Nothing worse than going for a meal and realising that the online rapport you have has not translated into the real world.

St._Andalou

It sounds OK to me. Internet dating is so common these days. I met my boyfriend of two years online.

Words of advice:

* Check with mutual friends to make sure he is legit. It's easy to set up a fake Facebook profile. How long has his profile been there? Make sure lots of different people are writing on his wall, that the people tagging him in photos are all different, etc.

* Meet in a public place. Don't do anything you're not comfortable with.

* and finally, don't mention stuff you already know about him! Treat him as someone you don't know. Saying things like, oh yeah, I read that about you on Facebook could be a bit creepy!

Most importantly, have fun!

rathbaner

Go for it. But just remember you know nothing about the guy. What you've read on FB is not reliable info and he may be misleading you, so check that info out first.

LegacyUser

I'd be very cautious of meeting someone via facebook. Just because you have 10 friends in common doesn't mean much given a lot of people add total strangers to gather a high number of friends.

Google 'Katie Piper' before rushing into meeting anyone from facebook...

nickobrien1986

if you have mutual friends and he seems ok,
you nothing to lose by meeting up with him, and see how things pan out

Zen65

naiveop? wrote: »

....but my sister thinks I'm literally out of my mind to entertain the notion of meeting up with someone I don't know and have never met.

Your sister is being caring and is concerned about you, fair play to her.

The advice she is offering is generally good advice, but in her concern for you she has overlooked that this situation is very different to an internet "blind date". This guy has effectively been introduced you by your mutual friends, albeit that they played a passive role (because FB does the talking on the internet). It's basically as ordinary an introduction as would have happened 10 years ago, before FB.

Just reassure your sister that this is not an internet stalker, nor a completely unknown blind date. Do check with a few our your mutual friends that the guy is sound, and then for safety be sure your date plans are known to your sister and one or two other friends.

Have fun.


Bet at peace,

Z

winchesterj54

you can never really know if a persons sane by reading text on paper
it can be a very dangerous idea to meet someone you've never seen before offline
so i would advise that you have a mocho make friend follow you along
for your first encounter with this guy just to be safe
because there's alot of weirdos online nowadays
your sisters right to worry for your safety
but there's a slim line between worrying and being paranoid
he could be a nice guy so you should try to meet him just bring a friend
and a really big stick if need for one calls....hahaha

Darthhoob

go for it, just take the right measures to ensure your safety

i met my OH nearly 7 years ago online

for every Katie Piper there are 100 happy couples if not more than that! most people are not psychopaths lol, you just need to be careful

kjl

You have 10 mutual friends in common, why don't you ask them about him?

Distorted

Take safety precautions, ask your mutual friends about him but you might as well meet him since its gone as far as it has now. I would be wondering why you've never met him yet if you have so many friends in common? My reservation would also be that I'm not keen on guys who spend their time adding women they don't know on the internet, but I accept that might just be a personal thing.

I've had similar - I have quite an attractive profile photo up on FB and while I'd never accepted anyone I didn't know, I've accepted ones with mutual friends. Several of those have then taken to chatting to me on FB and I know I'm intolerant, but I really hate FB chat. To give you an example of what your sister might be thinking of, one interaction I had from a guy I'd never met was:-

"Hey, how r u?"

Me, out of politeness, annoyed my chat with my female friend had been interuppted: "I'm good, thanks"

"wat u bin up this week?"

Me, 10 minutes later, "Oh, just the usual"

Him: "Wat about I cum round to urs 2nite?"

Me: "No. Definately not. Theres no way I'd let some random off FB that I've never met into my house".

Him: "O, thot u were the girl I'd been wiv last week. R u lonely?"

!!!

neveah

OP I have wierdly found myself in the exact same situation as you!! A guy I don't know that well asked me to be friends on facebook, we have a few mutual friends and I know him from around even though I haven't really spoken to him a lot. He has asked me out and I was apprehensive about accepting the date at first but I decided to take my own advice and just go for it! Life is too short eh!:D

I am quite nervous about it now to be honest! I imagine it'll be so awkward when we first meet up. I feel like a school girl!!:o

Anyway know that you are not the only one meeting up with people from facebook! Enjoy your date, hope it goes well. If not who cares, nothing ventured nothing gained!:)

LegacyUser

Hi guys! OP here again!

I went on the date anyway! I let about three people know where I was going and when and in terms of mutual friends, I asked a couple of the lads what he was like and they all said he was very sound.

I saw that Katie Piper documentary and was SHOCKED but at the same time, yer man who attacked her so brutally was just an absolute sociopath and really an exception to the rule. (Not that that matters to that lovely girl.) It did make me take extra recautions though. I'd be cautious anyway..like I'd never just go home with a random from club/go to some stranger's afterparty etc.

Anyway the date was FAB. We got on fantastically and there were a few kisses at the end of it too! It was awkward for all of about five seconds and we were far more compatible than I imagined we would be! I was SICK with nerves beforehand!

Good luck on your date Neveah! I really hope your guy turns out to be lovely too. Thanks SO MUCH for all the sensible, concerned advice.xx

Snoopy1

Go for it. Its exactly the same as online dating or going on a blind date.
If your'e worried, get opinions of your mutual friends, and meet in the daylight.
Ive gone on loads of dates from the internet

silkworm53

naiveop? wrote: »

A couple of months back, a guy that I'd about ten friends in common with added me on facebook. I get a lot of random men adding me, maybe about 25 a week, and never accept any of them. Since this is anonymous, and probably is relevant, I should say that I'd be perceived as a very pretty girl and am liable to be messaged/added by a lot of messers on FB. My own profile is hyper private but obviously I'd be in photos with friends etc.

Anyway, I accepted him cos I'd a good look through his pictures and his profile and he seemed totally legit and was very chatty with our mutual friends...and looked very handsome in his photos! Plus nightclubs and bars are useless for meeting men for me so I thought maybe online could be the way to go, and you can gauge someone better from FB than dating sites I think. He messaged me initially, explaining the random add, saying that he thought I was very pretty. Nothing sleazy or dodgy. He gradually started messaging me more over the last couple of weeks. From as much as you can judge someone's personality online, I thought/think he seemed/seems lovely, very witty and sweet. He took my number there last week, texted when he said he would, kept texting, and has asked me out to dinner this week.

Now I agreed to this but I just mentioned it in passing to my sister and she's absolutely shocked. I'm no eejit. I'm very responsible in terms of personal safety; I never even get drunk on nights out in case I might make a poor judgement call, but my sister thinks I'm literally out of my mind to entertain the notion of meeting up with someone I don't know and have never met. She thinks my looks means I'd be far more likely to fall prey to some weird predatory guy and is all "oh I'll tell mum what you're doing and she'll go mad". Ridiculous since we're both in our mid to late twenties.

Isn't this how so many people meet these days? Sure if you meet a random guy in a club you're armed with even less info about him. She'll know when/where I'll be on the date and I intend on telling one of very reliable male friends. I'm all confused now. I really want to meet up with him and I asked one of the friends we have in common about him and he checks out as a sane person. Is it reasonable to go or is my head just turned with the attention and making me act a bit siily?

A nice man befriended you and asked you out to dinner.
That is the usual behaviour of a guy who is attracted to a nice girl.
Why don't you just relax, take him up on his pleasant offer and enjoy a nice date?
Couples don't always know each other or people who have just met can fall in love.
Take a chance.

I am a friend

Have you talked to him on the phone... It may be easy to have fun on messenger but the test is when you are actually talking to each other, either on phone or eventually face to face.