Don't know what going on with my friends....

LegacyUser

When I started college I met some great people who I thought I'd always be friends with. I was really ill in first year and didn't go out a lot because of it. But I did meet up with them. I also ended up canceling some meetings cuz I just didn't feel well enough to go out. So I started second year this year and am feeling a lot better (and my friends know this) but they haven't invited me to anything. And they all talk out going out when I'm there.

They never text me even though I was leaving them loads of comments and texts during the summer and had some of them stay for a few weeks.

But now they don't talk to me. I told one of them to text me if she wants to meet up but it was me that ended up texting her. It just annoys me off when I see all the photos of them on facebook having a great time.

And it's not like they don't understand my illness. A few of them have dealt with similar things.

Sorry if I rambled a bit there. Just annoyed. Is it my fault why they're like this?

kjl

OP, what you are describing is acquaintances. I'm not saying that some day they will not be your friends, but friendship grows out of shared experiences, compatibility, enjoying each others company.

The fact is that due to your illness they see you as someone who isn't in there gang, so you are probably not the first person they call when organising nights out.

You need to make the effort in social situations, and not just expect everyone to be your friend right away. You mention leaving comment, well going on facebook and commenting on pictures does not a friend make.

Ickle Magoo

Why don't you arrange a few nights out and invite everyone along? I know if someone hasn't been around in a while or is refusing all invitations for a while then sometimes you just fall out of habit of automatically asking. Make the effort to be the organiser for a while and I'm sure you'll back into the habit of being invited...I'd have to say though, they aren't great friends to require so much effort to get back into the social scene - could they be paranoid that you don't like them or something?

Might be worth joining some new clubs and activities and making some new friends.

All the best.

thefeatheredcat

It's fairly tough when people you perceive to be friends are all arranging social plans in front of you to not be invited, I've been through that a fair amount of times in life....but it's far worse when they call you up for advice on such a such place or ask what that restaurant was you went to and also call you up to tell you what a great time they're having (when you're not there), so be glad that isn't happening!

It does happen that when invites aren't taken up, people stop asking. It happens for various reasons such as assuming you wouldn't be interested in going to place x and therefore do not share the same interests and could have thought that you're not that interested in being in their company.

So you have the option to show more interest in them in gaining their attention on a personal level by sharing and showing desire to spend time and engage with them. If they're real friends, then there shouldn't be a problem in engaging with them socially and in a few weeks time you'll be happier for it. I think planning a night out/day out and inviting them would be a great idea too.

Broadening your horizons with new friends through clubs and societies or meeting new people from other courses in the college in some way or other is a great way to find diverse friends.

And no, it's not your fault. It happens, some people make assumptions, people drift apart a bit, people draw their own conclusions and well, it's all part of the learning in life. Don't let it get you down, I guarantee that come what may, you'll meet some lovely people either through new meetings or deepening of existing relationships

Oh and if during the time when you were ill, some friendships went wayside that you haven't heard from, maybe worth catching up on?

tenchi-fan

You shouldn't place too much reliance on workmates or classmates, particularly when you just fall in with a group of people. Don't take it too personally, just try to make genuine friends you have more in common with.