Starting line for my story

EducationFinder

I am Sarah...!?
“Shlya Do want to tell us why you killed Sarah....” They waited for an answer from the dark figure across the room. “Shlya you’re making life a lot harder than it needs to be....” The men who have stood in that room for over 7 hours were getting sick of not getting a reply, as the men left the little room surrounded by camera. The dark figure across the room started to speak, “I didn’t kill Sarah...”
All the men I the room looked at one another, “But Shlya your blood, you clothes, you D.N.A... Was found on her bones... Shlya do you understand that the evident we have against you is enough to send you away for life....Do you know that Shyla” the voice that said was the voice of Lenin a tall bold man who wanted to take the agresstive approach towards this case. “Listen to me!, you ask questions but never take time to listen to me... I didn’t do it!”. “Okay shyla we are all ears we’re listening tell us what happened”

EileenG

What's the question?

Delirium

EileenG wrote: »

What's the question?

From the original version of the post the OP put up, it was to get opinions from people on what they thought of the text as an opening to a story.

Also to see if people wanted to read the rest of the story based on the opening teaser.

It was a different block of text, but I'm guessing the same questions stand for the new version of the post.

stoneill

I suppose if the spelling and punctuation were correct it would entice you to read more.

krd

stoneill wrote: »

I suppose if the spelling and punctuation were correct it would entice you to read more.

Let he, who is without a comma, cast the first stone.

Orthodoxy in punctuation, spelling and grammar isn't everything.

I'm making my way through a few of Cormac MacCarthy novels at the minute. He uses very sparse punctuation. No apostrophes for speech. There's deliberate mistakes in the language. He uses things like 'should of' instead of 'should have'. Occasionally, invents his own portmanteaus.

A novel should probably start very little tension and emotion. If the very start has a climax, you have to work through an anti-climax to build the story. If you think about films, you'll notice they rarely start with a bang. Usually characters and locations are introduced with very little drama. In the first paragraph, you're not going to know or really care for the characters, or who they may or may not have murdered.

Maybe the first line or page or chapter shouldn't have that much action to it. The reader has to put a little work in. They have to imagine the characters and locations before they can feel for them. Banal situations in novels work because they make the characters and places realer.

You could probably get a good milage out of a police interrogation. Why blow so much in the opening paragraph.

It's like a striptease show. People are not gripped by the artiste arriving on stage naked, and then proceeding to get dressed.

EileenG

krd wrote: »

Let he, who is without a comma, cast the first stone.

Orthodoxy in punctuation, spelling and grammar isn't everything.

I'm making my way through a few of Cormac MacCarthy novels at the minute. He uses very sparse punctuation. No apostrophes for speech. There's deliberate mistakes in the language. He uses things like 'should of' instead of 'should have'. Occasionally, invents his own portmanteaus.

A novel should probably start very little tension and emotion. If the very start has a climax, you have to work through an anti-climax to build the story. If you think about films, you'll notice they rarely start with a bang. Usually characters and locations are introduced with very little drama. In the first paragraph, you're not going to know or really care for the characters, or who they may or may not have murdered.

Maybe the first line or page or chapter shouldn't have that much action to it. The reader has to put a little work in. They have to imagine the characters and locations before they can feel for them. Banal situations in novels work because they make the characters and places realer.

You could probably get a good milage out of a police interrogation. Why blow so much in the opening paragraph.

It's like a striptease show. People are not gripped by the artiste arriving on stage naked, and then proceeding to get dressed.

When did you last go to the cinema? Or read a book, for that matter?

Almost all films start with a bang, slow down a bit while they establish the characters and plot, then built to a mega climax. And the modern trend in books is to start with the inciting incident in the first few pages.

Cormac McCarthy is a writer who has been writing long enough to know how to bend or break the rules. He's the equivalent of a Formula one driver who can do turns at 100mph. That doesn't mean that turns at 100mph is the right way to drive a car.

Banal situations in the opening, except in the hands of a master storyteller, usually mean a banal novel.

krd

EileenG wrote: »

When did you last go to the cinema? Or read a book, for that matter?

I read all the time. Fiction and non-fiction. I always have at least one or two books on the go.

The last film I went to see was a Winters Bones. It evolves very slowly. For most of the time you have to guess the characters relationships. This is good. As it forces your imagination to create vivid narratives by itself. And since only you're only being drip fed the story, it makes you more curious.

Curiosity is what has you turning the pages over.

Almost all films start with a bang, slow down a bit while they establish the characters and plot, then built to a mega climax. And the modern trend in books is to start with the inciting incident in the first few pages.

The cinematic cliché of the big bang opening. The James Bond or Raiders of the lost arc opening. Lots of bangs and flashes then it quietens down in to the main narrative. You'll notice even the segments have quite openings. James Bond or Indiana Jones creeping around for a few minutes before the **** hits the fan.

The typical opening for a James Bond film is several minutes of music and hypnotic silhouettes of naked women floating over credits. (Worth the ticket price alone). Then a drop into suspenseful strings and quietness - then the ludicrous big bang. And the drop into the main narrative.

Children's films, like the latest transformers or other sparkly rubbish bore me, literally, to tears.

Cormac McCarthy is a writer who has been writing long enough to know how to bend or break the rules. He's the equivalent of a Formula one driver who can do turns at 100mph. That doesn't mean that turns at 100mph is the right way to drive a car.

Cormac McCarthy was a stubbornly unconventional writer from the word go. His earlier (unsuccessful for the time) books are full of gaps and puzzles. Breaking conventions adds novelty. Novels are about novelty. No Novelty, no novel worth reading.

Banal situations in the opening, except in the hands of a master storyteller, usually mean a banal novel.

Banality in a novel and banality in everyday life are two different things. Banality in a novel is an over dramatised cliché. "Cops", inspectors in their Columbo macs, pantomime murderers. Clichés, are only interesting when they have a twist.

We all know evil people in everyday life. People who are only constrained by the laws and social customs from committing acts of heinous barbarity. Instead these people give us acts of petty barbarousness. Swivelled eyed sneakiness and pointless cruelties. That is something that is very interesting in people. The ordinariness of evil.

indough

great books and movies always start with something interesting. every book on creative writing will tell you to begin with something that will captivate the readers attention rather than bore them to death. it doesn't mean you have to give away the entire plot in the first paragraph or have dozens of explosions and deaths, just whet their appetite. otherwise if someone picks up your story and the opening is mundane you can be pretty sure they wont be reading on.

and by the way, the dancing naked chicks arent at the very beginning of james bond movies. there is always an action piece first which leads into that. the best examples are probably the spy who loved me, casino royale and licence to kill.

krd

indough wrote: »

great books and movies always start with something interesting.

Well all books and movies should be interesting the whole way through. It doesn't mean something has to be happening. A bit like Tarkovsky's Stalker. It's like watching paint dry. It's very subjective - it's not Spiderman or in 3d - it still like watching paint dry. Though if you get it, it's possibly some of the most interesting paint there's ever been.

every book on creative writing will tell you to begin with something that will captivate the readers attention rather than bore them to death.

This is really subjective too. Those incredibly popular chick lit novels that sell literally by the truck load are incredibly mundane. Years ago I used to read 70s and 80s airport trash novels for entertainment - they were fun. A Celia Ahern book will have me wanting to claw my own eyes out after a few minutes. Shallow young woman and her shallow relationships, nothing really happens - dilute to taste. These books are incredibly popular. They are absolutely banal. Even Martine McCutcheon's publisher made her remove the racier bits of her novel.

it doesn't mean you have to give away the entire plot in the first paragraph or have dozens of explosions and deaths, just whet their appetite. otherwise if someone picks up your story and the opening is mundane you can be pretty sure they wont be reading on.

That depends on the book - mundane is fine for chick lit. In fact it's obligatory. Put an explosion or death in a chick lit novel and hear a thousand paperbacks flap closed.

and by the way, the dancing naked chicks arent at the very beginning of james bond movies. there is always an action piece first which leads into that. the best examples are probably the spy who loved me, casino royale and licence to kill.

Yeah, sorry, you're right. These are still more or less false starts. If I remember correctly, Pulp Fiction starts with a conversation on what the quarter pounder is called in Europe.

If you want an example of a book that is nearly excruciatingly banal, for I think at least the first 80 pages, then Bret Easton Ellis's American Psycho. Then it switches to another extreme. On both extremes he's being wilfully perverse. All creative writing books would possibly advise against doing what Easton Ellis did.