Finding it very hard to cope

LegacyUser

I lost a member of my family this year. :'-(

I am finding it very hard to cope. I am literally struggling to breathe. I can't think straight. I can't remember important things. I find it almost impossible to complete everyday tasks. I have no joy in life at the moment.

I know things will improve with time, but it is just so hard right now.

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

lifeistooshort

Drowning in Grief wrote: »

I lost a member of my family this year. :'-(

I am finding it very hard to cope. I am literally struggling to breathe. I can't think straight. I can't remember important things. I find it almost impossible to complete everyday tasks. I have no joy in life at the moment.

I know things will improve with time, but it is just so hard right now.

Hi Drowning in Grief

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know exactly what you mean when you say you can't remember inportant things etc...I was exactly the same when I lost my mom. Its been almost 2 years and my life is still nowhere near back on track - I dropped out of doing my PhD and went back to work but I know it will all work out for the best. My only advice is to take it day by day, and accept that life is changed forever, change because of death is awful but it does strenghten us. xxx

Deki

I really think you should tell your physician. I also think talking and realizing others have felt similar things after their losses is very helpful it may be that you need some help from a professional who can better assess your personal situation. It sounds as if you are having panic attacks and are suffering to the extreme. There are medications to help with anxiety and depression problems -these are often the result of bereavement. You should explain your feelings to your doctor. It may be a while before you feel joy return to your life and time can deal with that but in the meantime you need to be able to function. Take advantage of all that can be offered.

Dude111

I am so sorry and i understand exactly what you are going thru!!

Just keep remembering the good times you all had and asking god for healing and guidance,I KNOW ITS HARD!!

Peace and love to you

LegacyUser

Thanks to you all for taking the time to reply to me. You probably have no idea how grateful I am to feel that someone cares. I really appreciate it.

I am seeing someone about my loss and have been for several weeks. It is helpful to talk about things with her. We have discussed the possibility of medication, but I would rather not go down that road if at all possible. I have been advised to try some free-writing which I hope will help.

I've had a couple of 'better days', so am feeling a little more hopeful. At the same time, I am worried about the coming winter, as I don't cope well with winter at the best of times.

I will continue taking each day as it comes.

Once again, thank you...

Fittle

Hi drowning in grief - I'm really sorry for your loss.

Perhaps remembering them on here might even help - you don't have to give names, but I've seen some beautiful threads in the bereavement section, just telling stories about their loved ones - it all helps.

I hope you're doing ok today.
Take care

jos28

Hi OP,
I am so sorry for your loss. I have lost both my Mam and Dad and it sucks :mad:
I am glad that you are getting some help. The only advice I can give you is that when you are having a bad day, that's what it is..its a bad day. It will pass and tomorrow will be better. Somewhere along this awful journey the good days eventually outnumber the bad ones and the pain eases. I miss my Mam and Dad SO much but now I get a lovely warm comforting feeling when I think of them and not the awful gut-wrenching pain that I used to get. Be kind to yourself and don't expect too much of yourself. You are a human being not a robot.
Love and hugs to you.

Bill2673

Hi there,

I'm very sorry for your loss.

My younger brother died some years back.

The things I found that helped were:

I went to a grief counsellor at St Annes church on Dawson St, and found that very very helpful, it was just good to have someone unconnected that I could tell the whole thing to. (Note this person was not a psychologist, they aren't offering you solutions or treatments, they are really just listening but I found them great). The person was a volunteer, I didn't pay for it but I made a donation. I think I went in there 5 or 6 times and they were one to one meetings.

In general I tried to keep myself in very good physical shape afterwards, I did sports quite a bit. I was of the view, healthy body healthy mind. Plus a long distance run or a swim or a game of football or tennis is good for getting your mind off things.

I tried to treat myself, like buying nice food (not bingeing or spending mad amounts, but going to a nice restaurant once every few weeks, that sort of thing).

In general, I found people who had lost somebody to be good people to talk to.

Anyway, I hope you doing better in the coming months. Keep life simple for youself and be kind to yourself. I know its hard to appreciate now but you will have good times again.

SparkyTech

Thoughts are with you at this time OP

LegacyUser

Thanks to everyone for your kind thoughts and words.

I'm still trudging along, mostly just existing.

I'm enjoying the snow. I have lovely memories of my lost family member that took place in the big freeze in January, so this Arctic weather is reminding me of those.

I'm not looking forward to Christmas :'-(

jos28

Not looking forward to Christmas either. Try to make something positive out of what seems so difficult to face. Not sure if I am making myself clear but this is what I mean - My gorgeous little Mam died on 7th Aug. She loved Christmas, she spent weeks and weeks preparing for it. Loved buying presents and surprises. Her birthday is 22nd Dec so Christmas will be really tough.
In order to try and stay positive, myself and my sister have decided to go into town on the 22nd, do a bit of shopping (Mam's favourite pastime) then go for a meal and round off the day with a couple of cocktails. Mam would be delighted to see us enjoying ourselves so we are going to try and do that. Maybe you could organise something for Christmastime that your loved one would approve of and also give YOU something to look forward to instead of dreading. You must take care of yourself above everything else.