I have fallen hard for a gay man for the umpteenth time . Ive actually shed a few tea

pattly

I have fallen hard for a gay man (100% and not confused + over 30 and obviously no interest in me as a female) . I never usually cry but ive actually shed a few tears this time. I have fallen for 2 other gay men who were also aware of my attractions in the past . I am at the end of my rope with other issues in my life and I am so worn out from falling for men who dont like me (Ive fallen for straights who nothing happened with aswell ) Why cant other people ever be liking me and I not liking them !! (joke) (Ive actually had a few relationships as well BTW haha )The embarrassment and feeling that they are feeling like Im pathetic is terrible. It has to be one of the worst feelings in the world - being rejected by gay men.
btw - I am aware what true love is and although I know that this is not that - infatuation and lust and love can be pretty BAD even when one knows that its not true love .
Please dont tell me that I need to find out whats wrong with me ,that I go for men I cant have, although I am working on this - at the same time I never asked to feel this way about him it just happened - I am nearly 30 and thought I had left this kinda thing behind - but here it is again.

I have felt bad when Ive realized that there was nothing further going to happen with straight men in past but I think its hell for a while anyway if its a gay man - its like HOW CAN I HAVE ALL THESE FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE WHO FEELS NOTHING IN RETURN like what causes them to be there - I mean ith straight men there has usually been something mutual there to start the feelings . HEARTBREAK OVER GAY MEN IS HELL .
I dont go out there looking for all this attraction to men whether they turn out to be straight or gay and I didnt know these men were gay until i had developed an attraction to them.

Im a silly twat I know , but a heartbroken silly twat at the same time.

I would like any thoughts :rolleyes::o prefrebly without attacking me with MOVE ON !! stuff - Ive decided that Im just going to accept how upset I am this time he knows how I feel and Im not going to have a conversation with him as Im actually pretty much ' a keeper to myself' (in my offline life at least hehe )and prefer it that way , Im so tired of findin ways to get rid of feelings - so Im just going to accept it and it will for better or worse pass in time
.
Is there something in me that causes this to happen - Even the famous people who Im attracted to turn out to be gay - I used to be IN LOVE with Michael Stipe ! years ago in my teens before he came out as even bisexual or gay .

Also ho do gay men view females who they are friends with who turn out to develop feelings for them - what is the most they can have in return - I find it hard to put myself in their shoes.

Annasopra

do you want advice? Or what?

Sir Ophiuchus

Plenty of people fall for people who don't return their feelings. The fact that some of these guys were gay isn't really relevant.

pattly

EDITED

LegacyUser

I'm a gay man.

My thoughts...

Given that only a certain smallish percentage of the population is gay, then it is statistically unlikely that a heterosexual woman would fall for such a relatively large number.

You could look at things other than homosexuality that these men have had in common. If they had few other similar traits, is it possible that you had some idea (even subconsciously) that they were gay, and found this in itself to be attractive?

I'm not sure of the ins and outs, but I have heard about studies showing that people who didn't particularly want relationships, but were expected to be looking, often went for the unattainable. Is it possible that this has happened to you to some degree?

Also, stereotypically, but also often in reality, a gay man would have more in common with women (again, stereotype but often true) than a straight man. Is a certain type of common ground very important to you?

Maybe try looking at where you're meeting these men. I'm not suggesting that you are unintentionally going to gay bars, but some places have higher concentrations than others.

A bit jumbled, I know, and probably very little use, but I tried!

Best of luck.

CdeC

Hi Op,
yes it is really annoying when you like someone who doesn't like you back. But in this issue it's fairkly balck and white. There has to be attraction from both sides or else it is doomed to failure.
3 times is a record mind so ask yourself, where are you socialising to meet all these (hot) gay men. Maybe try and move among straight circles a bit more often.
Good luck:)

pattly

EDITED

L.Jenkins

Either way pattly, stay positive. It will work out in the end.

pattly

JackWilliams wrote: »

I'm a gay man.

My thoughts...

Given that only a certain smallish percentage of the population is gay, then it is statistically unlikely that a heterosexual woman would fall for such a relatively large number.

You could look at things other than homosexuality that these men have had in common. If they had few other similar traits, is it possible that you had some idea (even subconsciously) that they were gay, and found this in itself to be attractive?

I'm not sure of the ins and outs, but I have heard about studies showing that people who didn't particularly want relationships, but were expected to be looking, often went for the unattainable. Is it possible that this has happened to you to some degree?

Also, stereotypically, but also often in reality, a gay man would have more in common with women (again, stereotype but often true) than a straight man. Is a certain type of common ground very important to you?

Maybe try looking at where you're meeting these men. I'm not suggesting that you are unintentionally going to gay bars, but some places have higher concentrations than others.

A bit jumbled, I know, and probably very little use, but I tried!

Best of luck.

just saw this reply now , thanks !

EDITED

Annasopra

moved to personal issues

LighterGuy

Well call me crazy on this one ( :P )
But it sounds that its either:

• You are in situations to meet alot of gay men (social life? hobby?)
• you are attracted to certain type of men. Gay men.

I think its no 2 :P
I think you are attracted by "metrosexual" men. But thing is, alot of them will just turn out not to be metrosexual... but gay.


my two cents anyways.

tenchi-fan

It's possible you see gay men as less threatening. Maybe you have issues with men or relationships - that might be something you could talk through with a professional. You really are wasting your time chasing after gay men unfortunately

pattly

LighterGuy wrote: »

Well call me crazy on this one ( :P )
But it sounds that its either:

• You are in situations to meet alot of gay men (social life? hobby?)
• you are attracted to certain type of men. Gay men.

I think its no 2 :P
I think you are attracted by "metrosexual" men. But thing is, alot of them will just turn out not to be metrosexual... but gay.


my two cents anyways.

haha ....
Ya maybe the metroseual thing is nearing it but it isnt something I can really controll ....and arent all men pretty much closet metrosexual types !??

Hmmm ....is there anything I can work on myself to stop me being the kinda person who is attracted to these people ..and what kinds of girls go for this type of person ....cound I be a bit masculine ?

LighterGuy

pattly wrote: »

haha ....
Ya maybe the metroseual thing is nearing it but it isnt something I can really controll ....and arent all men pretty much closet metrosexual types !??

nah, not all men are metrosexual types. Some are, some are not

pattly wrote: »

Hmmm ....is there anything I can work on myself to stop me being the kinda person who is attracted to these people ..and what kinds of girls go for this type of person ....cound I be a bit masculine ?

I dont think liking "metrosexual" men makes you automatically masculine.
I just think you should ask yourself why you like such men? .... i mean alot of metrosexual men have style (is it the style?) is it their attitudes? (again, maybe you like a sensitive man? a non-"bloke" acting type of guy?)

We are all turned on by a specfic charactistic of a person.

ordinary_girl

This tends to happen to me every so often, because I often go for metrosexual men. I like well groomed, fashion conscious men with a particular look and certain style so this usually means I end up being attracted to gay guys, not always but sometimes it happens to me but I've never told any of them that I 'like' them. I don't think there's really anything that you can do about it tbh, but rest assured you're not the only one this happens to!

LighterGuy wrote: »

I think you are attracted by "metrosexual" men. But thing is, alot of them will just turn out not to be metrosexual... but gay.

This is something I've been trying to figure out for the past while, if a guy is metrosexual does this mean it's very, very likely that he's gay? Or are there many straight metrosexuals?

tenchi-fan

ordinary_girl wrote: »

This is something I've been trying to figure out for the past while, if a guy is metrosexual does this mean it's very, very likely that he's gay? Or are there many straight metrosexuals?

Metrosexual is a play on the words "metropolitan" (I think!) and "heterosexual". So it actually refers to straight men (and possibly bi men) only. Gay men would not be considered metrosexual.

pattly

EDITED

LighterGuy

Tenchi is right.
A "metrosexual" man usually refers to a straight man. I do believe it spawned from a straight guy doing/having what is seen to be what "gay men do" (fashion, well grommed, the way he acts?) Im pretty sure that could open up its own debate :pac: But we all have the same idea of the meaning.


As for do alot of metrosexual men turn out to be gay or bi?
I dont think that could be ever truly answered but at the same time if you found out a "metrosexual" guy was really gay or bi - it wouldnt be shocking... you could even think to yourself "that makes sense".

wasper

I think you are a typical case of a martyr. You probably enjoy more the sufferings that comes from falling for people that are not interested in you whether they are gay or straight. If you are really in love with the new guy, then let him know & maybe a small maybe he might be interested in you. Otherwise why torture yourself every time you meet him & pretend nothing is happening inside you.
I wish you good luck in the pursuit of happiness.

pattly

I dont think Im a martyr but anyway .... thats your opinion...and like anyone i dont enjoy suffering .........but thanks for your other thoughts.

I had originally posted this in another section and wanted their views and ALSO their is only a short edit function I can not edit it so that people can't call me a martyr or give their opinions - if I could edit and delete I would by now. I probably posted more than I would like anyway.

Ickle Magoo

Pattly, if you hit the edit button and then the "go advanced" option you should be able to edit and delete your post as much as you want...

Ickle

Annasopra

Pattly I moved this from the LGBT forum because it didn't make sense to me that you specifically wanted advice from LGBT people