Sex on first date??

LegacyUser

Ok, so I'm gonna cut to the chase.
Was with a guy a week ago, met him on a night out, and he happens to be a friend of a friend... ok, took him back to my apt, had great sex, but I was very drunk and was up for anything! Well, he phoned me the other day and said he would like to take me out for dinner.
So, here's the thing; I like him, so should I sleep with him on this, our first 'date' or be coy and lady-like??

Male opinions would be great, please.

MagicSean

unregistered wrote: »

Ok, so I'm gonna cut to the chase.
Was with a guy a week ago, met him on a night out, and he happens to be a friend of a friend... ok, took him back to my apt, had great sex, but I was very drunk and was up for anything! Well, he phoned me the other day and said he would like to take me out for dinner.
So, here's the thing; I like him, so should I sleep with him on this, our first 'date' or be coy and lady-like??

Male opinions would be great, please.

Hard to say without knowing what kinda fella he is. He might be expecting it. if you're thinking long term relationship you should hold off. Make it clear to him at the beginning of the date that you don't wanna jump back into bed and see how he reacts. You can always change your mind and surprise him if things are goin good and it feels right to you.

If you're not thinking long term relationship just do whatever feels right at the end of the night.

Stacks Mad

If you like him really and want to see a future , do not sleep with him for a while again , if I meet a girl and we had sex the first night drunk ,fine great night but when your sober and of good sound mind don't let your self go.

If you have sex again so early then to me it sounds like you have no respect for your self and therefore he won't respect you.
It's just my opinion I'm not trying to judge just give you my independent view on it.

Miss Fluff

I personally don't see the point of suddenly shifting the goal-posts and adopting a holier than thou attitude. Regardless of drink being involved, you both agreed to have sex and it was really hot. He is now asking you out to dinner which is nice and doesn't automatically suggest that he just wants to come round in the dead of night after the pub for a shag.

If you want to have sex with him, have sex with him. It's not like you haven't already. If you set up "rules" and want to shift the goal posts like I said then he may just think you are slightly nuts and not be bothered with you as he'll think you are into headgames.

What I'm saying is, don't second guess yourself. If you want to have an action replay then go for it, and if not don't. But don't sit there before your starter has arrived telling him you're Sister Wendy....he won't buy it.

MrMojoRising

male opinion here:

would never date a girl i'd had sex with on the first night.

i would however contact one after, with the intention of having sex again.

so if you're up for it again, and so is he, then why not?

just don't expect the love affair of the century

Miss Fluff

I know a lot of couples (married and LTRs) who had sex on the first night so telling her "not to expect the love affair of the century" is pretty narrow-minded tbh...

not yet

Makes no sense coming across all coy and virgin-like havin been up for it the first night..... you could seem like a nut job.

shellyboo

If you're interested in a relationship with this guy, just be yourself. There's no point in affecting a nun-like disposition in case he judges you for being "slutty" or whatever. If you enjoyed the sex and want to have sex with him again and he's the kind of guy who'd judge you for that -- why would you want to go out with him?

Do whatever feels right on the night. Be true to yourself, and if he likes *you*, whatever you do will be the right thing.

IrishEyes19

MrMojoRising wrote: »

male opinion here:

would never date a girl i'd had sex with on the first night.

i would however contact one after, with the intention of having sex again.

so if you're up for it again, and so is he, then why not?

just don't expect the love affair of the century

Hmm, its a bit shallow there, MrMojo, I assume its because you feel how many times has she done this before? But then how many times have you done this before and are you un-dateable so too!!! Id see how it pans out, Im not saying you should go out and sleep around, not at all. But people make mistakes, and could still be potential partners.

@OP, I would say hold off. Not that Im being prude, but you know give a bit of time to show this guy your other qualities, and when you know you like him and he likes you that bit more, then go for it. Its just I think really if he respects you, he'll want to tread carefully to make sure your not just "there" for whenever he wants you. Relationships sink fast on those terms I think.

magneticimpulse

id say go for it. no point playing silly mind games. the guy either likes you or he doesnt. you already had sex with him and he has asked out out for another date, so it obviously doesnt bother him.

if you start to act strange, it might turn him off. just do whatever feels right for you. if you want sex with him, go for it. you dont have to be a saint, to date a guy and it shows your really into him.

calex71

Hmmmm from a guy point of view......

Asking you for dinner would a positive in my book for the I want more than just sex argument. If he was just after that he could have just asked you out for a drink or 10 in hope of more of the same?

LighterGuy

Also from another guys stand point it would be a bad idea to change "rules";


If I had sex with a girl on the first date, asked her out again and she imposed a "no sex" rule for a few more dates I would be thinking in the back of my mind that she is unsure about me. Which in turn would make me unsure about her.
Its not that you have to have sex again but by not wanting to, as a guy I would see that as something was up.

I agree that the fact that he asked you to dinner is a good thing. I've been on dates before with girls I'd slept with on the 1st night, and if I was only after round 2, so to speak, I'd ask her out for a drink. I only would go to dinner with someone if I was really into them.

Also, don't go in with the intention of having sex again/not having sex. Just go in and play it by ear. Otherwise you'll be slightly edgy all night.

unregistered

unregistered wrote: »

Male opinions would be great, please.

As a guy I would tell you that I have more respect for a girl who does what is right for her, than a girl who is influenced by what people…. People who are not even on the date with us…. Decide for their own reasons to consider to be “lady like” or not.

Do what is right for you and for him and forget what some imaginary busy body wagging their finger at you might think of your choices.

Darthhoob

i'm not male..but wouldn't you saying you want to take things slowly (after sleeping with hm already) make him think you regret sleeping with him? make him think he wasn't good in the sack or whatever?

it's best to be you...if you both feel like hving sex again...do so. me and my OH had sex on our first date and we are still together and happy now 7 years later you do what feels best and natural to you.

username123

MrMojoRising wrote: »

male opinion here:

would never date a girl i'd had sex with on the first night.

i would however contact one after, with the intention of having sex again.

so if you're up for it again, and so is he, then why not?

just don't expect the love affair of the century

hmmmm...if I had sex with a guy on the first night and he considered me not dating material as a result of that Id be darn glad Id seen his true hypocritical colours early on and hadnt wasted any more time on him because Id never be happy with someone who has double standards and hang ups about a potential partners sexual history. He would automatically become 'not dating material' in my eyes.

Do what feels right OP - if the guy isnt interested because you slept with him (as he also slept with you) on the first night, then he isnt worth dating.

John Mason

if you feel comfortable and the sex situation comes up go for it - i dont see why you wouldnt, if you both want it

i was in a similar situation 3 years ago and i cant get him out of my house now

The Corinthian

Something to do with a gate, a horse and bolting comes to mind.

TBH, after already having taken things to a sexual level, suddenly doing a u-turn is going to send out the wrong message; at best you're playing games, at worst you're a nutcase.

As others have pointed out, sex on a first date is not the death-knell of any serious relationship - as long as both parties are mature enough to realize this.

LegacyUser

OP, if you don't sleep with him after this date, this does not mean you will come across as a nut case.

I totally agree with the rationale behind wanting to take things slow and weeding out whether he wants sex or something else.

My advice would be to just tell him at the end of the date that you're up really early for work in the morning. If he really likes you, he won't mind. You could kiss him, show affection other ways during the night so hes not thinking you've gone off him.

However, if he loses interest or throws his toys out of the pram, then you can be sure he only had the one thing in mind.....

gandalf

As others have said if you are both mature enough you should be able to handle things then you shouldn't bring a new "rule" in. BTW whoever brought all these rules in about relationships and how people interact should be shot.

The fact that he has asked you out for dinner means he is interested. Maybe he wants to see if your personality matches the great night he had. You're an adult so you can decide on the night if you want to go down that path again or not. Maybe without the aid of social liquid lubricant you may not find him as interesting and it could fizzle out anyway? One piece of advice is do not drink too much this time round.

Good luck with the date btw

LegacyUser

OP here. Thanks for all the replies, guys. Some sound advice there, and I've enjoyed reading through them all.

An update for anyone who's interested - I the date last night.
Quaint restaurant: roasted escallops for main, créme brulée for desert, washed down with some pinot grigio.
We got on well, but not sure how interested I am. He seems quite keen, though.
Typical.

But the man is a machine in bed......Shagged him senseless.

LegacyUser

Hi, OP here.
Thought I responded earlier. Perhaps my post was too graphic or something?
Anyway, thanks all for the responses, I've enjoyed reading them all.

For anyone who's interested, yes I did sleep with him. An all nighter. It was really good.

Thanks for the follow up, it is always nice to hear how things turned out.

silkworm53

unregistered wrote: »

Ok, so I'm gonna cut to the chase.
Was with a guy a week ago, met him on a night out, and he happens to be a friend of a friend... ok, took him back to my apt, had great sex, but I was very drunk and was up for anything! Well, he phoned me the other day and said he would like to take me out for dinner.
So, here's the thing; I like him, so should I sleep with him on this, our first 'date' or be coy and lady-like??

Male opinions would be great, please.

There are no rules.
If you feel comfortable about having sex with him go right ahead.
It's an advantage more than anything that you have had sex already.
Enjoy yourself!:)

magneticimpulse

silkworm53 wrote: »

There are no rules.
If you feel comfortable about having sex with him go right ahead.
It's an advantage more than anything that you have had sex already.
Enjoy yourself!:)

Op just responded to say she did...and had a great time