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How do you get over it

  • 26-10-2010 8:26pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I broke up with my longterm boyfriend almost one year ago. I just found out he is seeing somebody new and I'm beyond devastated.

    Some history, the break up was a huge shock for me and for the most part we tried to remain friends or at least on speaking terms. In the past year though there have been several instances where we have kissed but this has ultimately led to nothing apart from heartache as I thought we may get back together but he always let me down. I tried to get over him as much as possible by dating and gererally trying to be as busy as possible. To be honest, I had always hoped that we would get back together at some stage, naive, but I really believed that he was the one. I think part of the problem is that I always had faith and hoped we would eventually get back together.

    I realise that he is fully entitled to move on and I wish him all of the best. I don't resent him or anything of the sort. Its just that when I heard I felt physically sick. I feel like I have broken up with him all over again and it hurts so badly.

    I am trying to deal with this as best as possible. I have already met briefly with a councellor and I made an appointment for a future visit.
    I have a good circle of friends who have been really good to me and I am trying to talk as much as possible.
    I have also made a list of goals to achieve by Chirstmas and I hope to travel in the New Year.

    I was hoping that other people who have went through this might be able to give me some perspective. I have 3 main questions;
    1. How long does it take to get over it? (in your experiences)
    2. Does anybody have any tips to help deal with this?
    3. Is there anybody who went through the same thing?

    Thanks so much in advance. I appreciate any input.x


Comments

  • #2
    Princess Peach
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,698 ✭✭✭✭Princess Peach


    I've been through the same. Well going through the same. I broke up with my boyfriend a few months ago but we were still in contact and did have a few instances of more than friends. Again I always had the hope that we were going to get back together. Its been a few weeks since we last got together but I know now that it was the last time for me. He knows I still like him and he uses me, knowing I will always go to him when he wants, and then just dump me again after.

    So I know I can't put myself through this anymore, it has to be the end now. I do still care for him, and think about him a lot, but I just keep reminding myself of all the bad ways he has treated me. I wrote a list of all his bad points, and wrote a long letter to him explaining all this, which I have no intention of giving to him, but it was good to get it out. If I miss him, and get the urge to talk to him, I just read over these. Keep reminding yourself of the bad points about him whenever you start to reminisce about the good!

    You seem to have a good system in place, it will just take time. A different length for everyone. Its totally normal to feel that way after seeing him with a girl, especially if you had been on again/ off again. The first time I saw my boyfriend just talking to a girl, I left crying. At least you know now that it is over for good, and that there is no going back. Its a horrible feeling, but it will help you to move on. I think why you feel you broke up again, is because you hoped you would get back together, like you said though he always let you down. Keep remembering how he did this and how you're better off without him.

    Take your time, you'll feel better soon and meet someone new who likes you and wants to be with you and treat you like you deserve to be treated. And you seem to be taking good care of yourself, so don't worry too much


  • #3
    Overheal
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 86,729 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    500 days of summer.... wrote: »
    I was hoping that other people who have went through this might be able to give me some perspective. I have 3 main questions;
    1. How long does it take to get over it? (in your experiences)
    2. Does anybody have any tips to help deal with this?
    3. Is there anybody who went through the same thing?

    Thanks so much in advance. I appreciate any input.x
    I would think roughly half of people that leave relationships experience the same thing...

    I found that I finally got over it when I had stopped dwelling on it and allowed myself to forget about it. These little kissing incidents you're talking about only exacerbate that problem and are the kind of experience you need to get past you.

    It takes a long time to get over this sort of thing. Months or years. But it becomes exponentially easier to live with as more time passes. At some point you won't even remember what it felt like to kiss them, or what they smelled like, or any of that; and that's about the point when you'll be over them; it'll be ancient history.


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