Scared at thought of MArriage

LegacyUser

Hi,
I am now going out with my GF for 10yrs. I love her very much and we get on very well together. She is very keen now to get married and wants to have the traditional wedding with all friends, extended families and neighbours.

Me on the other hand - I am getting very anxious and terrified at the idea of a wedding. Just the thought of the day itself freaks me out. I just hate the thought of all the attention being focused on me and having to entertain everyone for the whole day and hoping everything goes perfectly and that everyone has a wonderful day.
I just get very anxious and nervous thinking about it and it has so far stopped me asking her to marry me.

Anyone experienced something similar? I hate it and wish I could just do it and make my wonderful gf happy!!

Thanks!

Ickle Magoo

Have you told her how you feel? I'm sure if you were honest about how you feel and that it is all that has stopped you asking, you could put your heads together and come up with a compromise you are both happy with.

Okay, your girlfriend has said she want the big do - but I'm sure she wouldn't want it at the expense of you, your relationship or your happiness. Talk to her.

All the best.

Miss Fluff

You have to tell her how you feel and agree on a compromise that you both feel comfortable with. I'm sure after ten years she is wondering why you haven't proposed and I'm sure if she thought it was simply down to you not wanting a big day/fuss (and I feel the exact same way about weddings as you do btw) I'm sure she will happily compromise so that you are both happy and comfortable with the arrangements for the day itself. Suggesting going abroad to get married would be a good start....

ABajaninCork

Or the pair of you could just slope off with two witnesses, have a registry office do, and a meal afterwards with your families?

Some friends of mine did just this. I was the only other guest. And it was one of the nicest weddings I've been to. I always thought this would be kind of do I would want too. But in the end, I went for the full Nuptial Mass, Bridesmaids, reception in a nice hotel - the works!! Had a wonderful day, and have never regretted it.

Good luck whatever you decide. Hope you get it sorted.

CathyMoran

OP, I can relate, am female but I felt the same. We ended up having a small church wedding with only 16 people (including ourselves) there and a small reception. I had got scared of the big wedding and all the pressure 2 times and my husband was wondering - I stupidly did not talk to him. We almost lost one another. I do not believe that getting married is the big deal - being married is.

chainsaws

Tell your girlfriend you feel anxious.
There's always the option of the registry office and you might a church ceremony some other time - a smaller ceremony with just family and close friends instead of a bigger crowd.
If you don't want to get married at all- the whole idea of marriage might not be your thing - tell her that too.

Silverfish

OP, first of all I think you need to separate out 'wedding' and 'marriage'.

Putting the big day aside, do you actually want to be married to her?

I always thought in theory that I'd like a big wedding too, I have a huge family and the thoughts of not inviting some of them put the fear in me, anyone who ever got married in my family invited everyone.

However, realistically, there's a huge difference between what we'd like and what is actually achievable, I know for a fact I won't be having a big wedding, and there's going to be a lot of disappointed heads, just not mine
Cost-wise it's just not practical.
I mean I'd like a Lamborghini Reventon, and I will state that to anyone, it doesn't mean that I'm not aware I'm not going to get one.

Figure out in your head first rather you want to be married to her first, after all the wedding is one day, but the marriage isn't.

bills

I would not worry about the wedding. You can always do a small wedding providing your girlfriend will compromise.

BUT you need to decide whether you want to marry her or marry in general.
You need to have a serious think & let her know asap because after 10 years, she deserves that.

LegacyUser

Forget about ensuring everyone else has a good day, your focus should be you and your bride. If you're stressed about the organisation side of things, delegate to a wedding planner&/your respective mothers (who'd probably love to help anyway). This can be as simple or as difficult as you decide to make it!

Beruthiel

OP
We got married last month. We didn't want a big wedding as we wanted a relaxed day with no pressure which wouldn't cost the earth.
So we had 32 people for a long, leisurely dinner with lots of wine.
No speeches, no frills or the usual hoopla that normally goes with such a day.
It was lovely and we throughly enjoyed it.

Sit down with your g/f and tell her you'd love to get married to her but want nothing to do with a big, over the top wedding.
Suggest immediate family (parents & siblings only) with a couple of close friends. See what she says.
Remind her that this is your day, a day ye get married, it should be just as enjoyable and relaxed for the both of you, otherwise, why bother?

dan_d

OP take the suggestions given.

A small wedding is possible. And you absolutely definitely need to talk to your GF.

I'll try and offer a small consolation by pointing out that most the attention is towards the bride rather than the groom...it's the dress...don't mean that in a bad way.