One thing after another

LegacyUser

The last few days I've found myself in over my head. I can't focus on anything. Too many incidents over the last few weeks as well as a few changes in my life have just added up and I need to vent this. I feel if one or two of these things had happened then I wouldn't be here writing this but all of them together and my head is just a jumble at the moment.

I'm currently in third year of college, I do like my course and I'm in no danger of dropping out, it's just gotten so much more demanding this year and I've to make a big decision soon about whether or not I want to go on erasmus for 3 months next year. I'm stressing over this as I've heard good and bad things about doing this, it could potentially give my degree a greater look or it could flounder it completely as I'd be missing out on vital dissertation preparation classes.

Before the college year started I had nursed myself back to fitness after a lengthy spell out of football. I was really enjoying the hard work that I was putting in and I was delighted to be back playing competitively. Unfortunately though my college timetable has interfered with this greatly and I'm not able to continue playing as I can't make any of the training sessions. On top of this I've also had to walk away from a band I was playing with for years, something I built up with my bare hands but fell apart for various reasons. Now I've taken on a part-time job. I had 22 hours on top of college this week but given how times are, I can't pass those up as the household needs the money.

My social life is in rag order as well. Rarely do I get to go on a night out as the few friends that I have all have girlfriends so they're usually not around when I need a wing man. I'm quite bitter over this as well as 3 of my friends actually know their partners through me. In all three cases, the girl was part of a group I got to know initially and in all three cases I've been forgotten about to a large extent. I was fortunate enough to get asked to a debs which was last Tuesday there, my first proper night out in ages. What did I do? I made a complete arse of myself at it. I haven't got a very high tolerance for alcohol and most of the night is a complete blackout. I've been apologizing endlessly to my debs date but I still feel awful.

Then there's the love life which just shows no signs of ever changing. I've been single over 3 years, those relationships didn't count for much though as none lasted longer than a month. I don't ever enjoy the single life, I don't think it's for me but it would appear that the alternative isn't for me either. I've has sex once, that was also 3 years ago and at that, it lasted less than 5 minutes.

I'm always exhausted now, I've to leave my house at half 7 every morning to be in college for 9. I then work from 6pm until 10pm and I'm not home until midnight. I'm trying to take each day as it comes but the way I feel at the moment I'm just not getting any real enjoyment out of life whatsoever. I can see that my issues may seem trivial compared to others' on here but I'm not really sure where to start or how to feel upbeat about things. There's nothing going on that'd make me consider doing anything drastic but I just can't comprehend anything at the moment. I'd really appreciate it if some people could constructively put some things into perspective for me.

Velocitee

Hi OP,

Good for you for venting, we all need to some times.

I feel if one or two of these things had happened then I wouldn't be here writing this but all of them together and my head is just a jumble at the moment.

Yes, life is like that, rarely does everything happen as we like. If I find the world is caving in on me, I take a deep breath and tackle everything in little steps (climbing a mountain looks massive but breaking it down to small steps such as buying the plane tickets, booking accomodation, go for a few weeks training etc etc. is all manageable - I find most problems are like this.

About college, it sounds like a good opportunity and nothing to stress over. talk to people who have done it. I know a guy who went to Japan on a college exchange, all he had to pay for was flights (his college had a programme for it to pay for everything else and v few people applied) so he said why not. He had a ball, not sure what it's like in your situation but like I said break it down into the pros and cons and decide for yourself if it's right for you.

About football, see if you can join another team in the area with a different schedule, even try tag rugby or something? there may be teams etc looking to make up numbers. Very important to have "me" time so you have an outlet (I swim/go to the gym and would not give it up if I was paid).

Yes money is tight for a lot of people at the moment and *usually* the more work you can get the better. In your case though I would say the opposite, maybe weigh up here if you can get/ afford a day off, or if not a couple of hours. cut back on non essentials such as sky etc if your are not around to watch it/ gym if you don't use it/ that coffee at lunch (these add up)

Also look for higher paying jobs (they are out there, and I wager if you're a student you may be in an entry level job etc so there may be a job that pays a bit more round the corner, fast food, retail, waiter, bar staff etc) no harm in looking while you have your current job (you don't have to do a whole pile here just stick cv on jobs sites and keep an eye out for "staff wanted signs" on local business windows/ jobs online/ in the paper.) Do up one good CV and when applying for a job you want, do a good cover letter highlighting especially the traits they are looking for in your CV. When I was in college a friend worked in a petrol station for 8 euro an hour, I was on 12 euro, 20 metres away in a shop and it was less effort. Let your friends know you may be looking for a job if you go down this route.

Re: the going out and everyone in relationships, yep been there too. this could tie into your football or whatever above, go to after match drinks, meet other single people and hang out with them. As someone who has been on both sides of the relationship fence, guys especially in relationships can make their friends a very low priority. Chatting to people in lectures/ cafes/after tutorials etc is a good way of meeting people too....

Relationship will happen in it's own time, usually when you get fed up and aren't looking any more! I know people who've had success on dating sites etc but you have to be careful and meet in public places/ let someone know where you're going etc. You just have to make sure you read up on safety guidelines etc with internet dating if you go this way.

Exhaustion is no fun and it's no wonder you're fed up! I know through college my body was still adjusting from teen to adult sleep cycles (even at 21). I think I read somewhere that people tend to sleep in 4 hour sleep cycles and the middle of the 4 hours is your deep sleep. So you wake up feeling disoriented if say you wake up after 6 hours. I get about 7 hours sleep and that does me, apart from cutting the hours, you could look at drinking more water (helps a LOT) no coffee/sugar/stimulants after 6/7/8pm (see what works for you.) don't watch tv/read before bed as you're brain will be overstimulated, maybe have a shower/ hot bath or something to get you in the zone, listen to some soothing music, all helps.

Best of luck, the post above is just based on my personal experience and if some of it works for you great, take it handy, I know what life is like when it feels like everything is rushing at you :)

Velocitee

I just saw your commute :eek:

I'm up at 6 to be in work for 8 (but I have my own reasons for doing this so it's preference).

I take it you're still living at home so moving closer isn't an option as it would be more expensive?