Bullying?

LegacyUser

Hi all,

I recently changed courses in college and moved into a course with a small class. I get on with everyone pretty well and everyone seems lovely, except for one girl who the moment I spoke to her, avoided eye contact with me. I wrote it off as a one-off thing, bad day or whatever, but since then there's been other instances where she has acted downright ignorant to me, ignoring, again, avoiding eye contact etc. I'm a guy btw, but I don't think that matters because it's not as if she fancies me, this behaviour is borderline agressive.

Just wondering what the **** makes people think they have the right to treat other people like this, and most of all, I'm wondering why? I mean, we've only just met and she's immediately acted like this to me. I'm seriously confused over this, so, whether it is bullying or not, I'd love to hear peoples experiences with bullying and the reasons why someone would act like this to someone else. Specifically, why do these people pick and choose people to target, rather than acting rudely to everyone or rebelling against society if they're "angry" or whatever?

LegacyUser

I'm not sure, but I think she may be shy. I'm a timid person, I often avoid eye contact with people. Shyness is not intentional, but it can cause a lot of anguish. Give her a chance, it may take a bit longer to get to know her.

coolcat63

She may be chronically shy, nervous or just very bad mannered. None of which are your concern. Where do you get the idea that she is bullying you from??

Jay Pentatonic

Well if she is bullying you, it says more about her than it does about you.

I was picked on in school & found out the main reason why bullying happens is to get a reaction from the person being picked on.
It gives them a reason to laugh & improve their own insecurities
I know it's so much easier than done, but the best thing to do is just completely ignore her back.
A kind of similar thing was happening to me in when I was in college.
I was getting along well with everyone (apart from this one guy.) it felt really unfair like I was back in school again, like he never gave me chance.
So eventually I became sick of the situation & I just said "f*ck it" & just ignored him.
It took a while, but eventually he started talking to me, I was quite surprised really. obviously I wasn't particularly friendly to him ( but I wasn't mean either). I was just sort of neutral to him.
I guess he just noticed everyone else was talking to me & he was the only one who wasn't. Maybe the other people in my course asked why he never spoke to me & maybe they defended me. I don't know

Whatever the reason was, he did end up speaking to me. And turned out to be a good guy himself.
I know getting her to speak to you isn't exactly your aim, but if you give up caring about her ignoring you (or at least pretend to) it's very likely this whole childish ignoring thing will disapear, & you can carry on with your life in peace

Hope this helped, if you feel it's getting to you, people on boards are always here to help.

All the best

LegacyUser

what exactly is your problem op? the girl avoided eye contact with you? shes obviously very shy. maybe try and ease yourself into conversation with her if your so desperate to talk to her? even if shes not shy and just plain dosent want to talk, she has the right to do so, shes not doing any harm, not every single person you meet in life is going to like you. you should drop the attitude of "what makes people think they have a right to do this" they of course have a right to be left alone if they want, i dont see how its your business.

poisonated

I agree with the essential parts of what the poster above is saying but feel that he/she could have been a bit nicer about it!

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies. RE: the answers which said "Oh, she avoided eye contact, so what?", I've already mentioned that I wrote that off as a once off thing until she was consistently rude to me in the following number of days. I specifically approached her out of courtesy during a class project, to which she replied very rudely and, after a few minutes, simply walked off home without acknowledging I'd said anything to her. This is all combined with a look which says "I'm extremely uncomfortable being around you right now".

I'm not stupid, I know when someone is simply shy and uncomfortable being around people, and I know when someone is acting like they've got an issue with someone.

The reason I posted this is because I'm not the type of person to carry out some petty vendetta against someone, i.e. I'm not going to ignore someone in a group because it's not me, I wouldn't be able to keep that up. We're going to be seeing each other a lot in future.

Ann22

That's a horrible situation op. I'd totally ignore her if I was you. Try not to let it get to you, she might be a bit of a loon.

LegacyUser

Personally, I wouldn't ignore her as such. I'd make no effort to include her in anything though - and I'd respond to her with sweetness and light, it'll drive her mad! Haven't encountered your situation socially, but I always find that this approach works for me in a work scenario. These kind of people get frustrated not getting the reaction that they expect/hope for, and tend to give up when they realize just how little they matter to you!

LegacyUser

Just another little thing that has worked for me: don't bitch about her to anyone but your close close friends, otherwise it will get back to her, she'll behave as though she were justified in her dislike of you in the first place, and it will degenerate into a tit for tat spat which will go around in never ending circles. Going on my experience anyway!

Chucky the tree

Curious89 wrote: »

Thanks for the replies. RE: the answers which said "Oh, she avoided eye contact, so what?", I've already mentioned that I wrote that off as a once off thing until she was consistently rude to me in the following number of days. I specifically approached her out of courtesy during a class project, to which she replied very rudely and, after a few minutes, simply walked off home without acknowledging I'd said anything to her. This is all combined with a look which says "I'm extremely uncomfortable being around you right now".

I'm not stupid, I know when someone is simply shy and uncomfortable being around people, and I know when someone is acting like they've got an issue with someone.

The reason I posted this is because I'm not the type of person to carry out some petty vendetta against someone, i.e. I'm not going to ignore someone in a group because it's not me, I wouldn't be able to keep that up. We're going to be seeing each other a lot in future.

Why? Take the hint, she doesn't like you for whatever reason so I'm not sure why you keep going up to her. If anything it's just going to make it worse as she'll think your more of a muppet then.

LegacyUser

Chucky the tree wrote: »

Why? Take the hint, she doesn't like you for whatever reason so I'm not sure why you keep going up to her. If anything it's just going to make it worse as she'll think your more of a muppet then.

Keep going up to her? I think I've already explained that that was the first time I'd confirmed that she was acting weirdly rude to me. It was just the two of us in a project room, unsure of what to do, and I, of my own accord, went looking for information, and came back and told her because she was the only other person there and was in the same boat as me.

Ever heard the expression "Treat others as you would like to be treated"? I wonder if I had said I was female would you have actually addressed the main points in my post about her behavior rather than saying I "look like a muppet cos I "keep going up to her".

LegacyUser

Who knows what her issue is OP - but I reckon the root of the issue is just that: her issue, not you.

As I was saying before, I'd keep it civil; don't pander to her by engaging with her by actively trying to including her. But equally, don't be seen to be ignoring her or bitching about her. Seriously, the sweetness and light option has worked for me any time I've had the misfortune to encounter someone like this.

I hope you can work past this to forget about this person. Really, don't allow her to have such power over your life! Good luck with it, hope it works out.

herosa

She could have this..http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoidant_personality_disorder. She could have anything. I agree with the advice given to you already. Just be polite and keep your distance. She might come round she might not. As the saying goes theres nowt so queer as other folks!

h8scobes

how is that bullying? is she hot? if so shes prob just stuk up