Fear that I'm not fun

LegacyUser

Going anonymous for this one. I am a 22 year old guy but I'm very self conscious and what follows is my problem and where I believe it may lie. Skip to the last paragraph if you want to cut to the chase!

Recently I was out with friends for a few drinks in a night club. After a couple of pints I went up to the bar with one of my mates and he said to me "Get a few more drinks into you. You're fun when you're drunk!".

Now, I maybe looking into that statement too much, but I thought about it and I worry that I'm not that fun (unless drunk). I tend to follow the rules, go on the straight and narrow and I think this is causing me to become, well, not boring per se, but not the most fun guy.

I'm well able to have a laugh but say if I'm with two (or more) other friends they always seem to have more laughs and chat more than I would.

I sometimes struggle with conversation. I would look for something to say to someone and it would be no more entertaining than watching paint dry. I tend to tell stories that in my head seem worth telling but once I tell them I'm like "why did I even think that would be interesting to say".

It could be that I'm shy - I'm not good at public speaking, or meeting new people. I would never dance sober as I would be too embarassed.

I also have an ongoing worry about what people think of me. If I think someone has misunderstood me or I believe they may think something untrue of me I would go out of my way to correct it. I try to get on with everyone even I don't like them. Quick example - that same night I was out I bumped into a guy I hated, but was all friendly to him. Once he went off I started saying to my mates that I hated the guy only to realise he was behind me. I really worried that he heard me. Another example, one night in a pub we were sitting near a lot of elderly people. Two of my friends were having a good time but they were swearing a lot and heres me grinding my teeth worrying that the elderly people would hear. I don't know why!

Its become apparent whilst typing this, besides the numerous problems I think I have, that I might overanalyse things!

So, enough rambling now. I think what I'm really wondering is what can I do to become more fun? Should I just live life on the wild side? Stop worrying about what people think? How can I improve my conversations? Sorry for the drawn out post but any help would be really appreciated.

Thanks.

Roselm

You say you tell a story and then wonder why you thought it would be interesting to tell. I think most stories aren't that amazing in reality but that it's the way they're told that makes them. Maybe you're gauging the merit of a story based on people's reactions but maybe they're reacting to something like:
Do you tell the story in a monotone or do you use intonation and facial expression to emphasise what you were feeling at that point when you were in the situation originally (or whatever). That sounds a bit ott but if you look at people i think they gesture and use their face, hands, bodies to "get into" the story.
Could this be where you are going wrong.
I hope that makes sense. It made sense in my head anyway!!!

greengiant09

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IrishEyes19

he probably meant, you're a lot more easy going when you've a bit of alcohol in you, OP, you sound like a tense person already from this post. However I wouldnt recomend alcohol as the solution here, that just leads to more serious problems. Maybe you need to talk to someone about this.

dudara

greengiant09 We cannot offer any diagnosis here on boards as we are not qualified medical personnel.

dudara

LegacyUser

IrishEyes: I think you're right - I am a tense person. I've no idea why. I tend to get embarrassed easily. I don't turn to alcohol as a solution at all. I rarely drink to be honest.

Roselm: I possibly am monotone, I've never really thought about how I tell stories or interact with people. Maybe I'm not expressive enough? It reminds me of another thing - when I tell jokes I start to tell it then once I get close to the punchline I get all nervous and worry that I'll mess it up. Most of the time I dont tell it very well for this reason but I can't help it.

I don't know if this was a wise decision but I am about to start a job where I deal with the public on a constant basis. Before I had a job where I had the option of interacting with customers but I avoided it at all costs. I don't know if regularly talking to people will help or make things worse!

Ann22

If you're out for a few with friends I find sometimes if one of you is sober some of the drinkers, (sometimes me included tbh:o) are uncomfortable. Like you can let yourself go and be silly, dance like a lapdancer and talk openly about stuff you'd never normally tell a soul:eek: once you're all in the same boat but if there's one of you sober, you're aware that the crap you're going to come out with will be seen clearly as the crap that it is and that it will be remembered the next morning:o. I think that's why there's a bit of pressure for non drinkers to get a 'few drinks into them'. It's not that they're no fun at all, it's so the drinkers can relax and behave like halfwits:).
Seriously op, don't take that personally, if you're aware of your surroundings and unwilling to embarrass or disturb people who may hear your conversation, it's down to the fact that you're a sensitive decent person.

honru

I would consider relaxation techniques. Diaphragmatic breathing is a start, and yoga, etc. Like you said you are over-analysing things and I think this is the core of your issues. Try not to takes things too seriously: look at life through a different set of eyes and learn to genuinely smile more. Have a good belly laugh every so often.

If you want to become a more "fun" conversationalist, just start looking out for the (even seemingly insignificant) absurdities you encounter in your day-to-day life, and be expressive about it. The more expressive you are the easier it will be for people to actually experience what you experienced. That's sense of humour in a nutshell really.

Personally, I think most people are naturally expressive, but we end up getting self-conscious and stuck in our heads. If you feel you actually have problems with your expressiveness, I highly recommend drama classes and/or workshops.

Also don't discount the value of active listening.