need somebody to give me hope

LegacyUser

Hello. I am wondering if somebody can give me a truthful answer here.

I am 21, male. I have been depressed for about the last 6 years..very badly so for the last 3...and in the last 2 my sex drive has diminshed greatly..and in the last year it has completely disappeared. I'm unable to work or study or function properly because every single source of pleasure and reason to do anything has evaporated from my life. I have zero motivation to do anything whatsoever, and while I once had suicidal thoughts, I now couldn't be bothered even thinking about it because my thought processes are so slow and listless. Over time, every thing I used to feel worth living for seems to have been just crossed out on a list and now I have nothing.

I've was diagnosed with depression a while ago, have been prescribed medication but they don't help, and make it physiologically very difficult to orgasm...again, rendering pointless any effort to get a girlfriend or get with women, and also giving me no reason to be enthusiastic about being 21 years of age.

So I'm wondering, does depression ever truly go away? Can anybody here honestly say that they have been genuinely depressed (not grief) and that it went away and they were back to the way they were previous to getting depressed? In other words, they fully regained sex drive, motivation to achieve goals, ability to concentrate, ability to have interests?

I don't see any objective reason for why I should eventually be not depressed at some point in the future....it feels as though my sense of control over my actions and thoughts is paralysed and I can't do anything. Whereas before I would have been a person who, when given a task to complete, could "just fcuking do it" if i wanted to, now I simply can't, like my reserve of mental stamina has vanished. I can't will myself to be sexually aroused by girls like I would very much have been 3 years ago for example.

Also, lately I've noticed that my mind is deteriorating like mad. my memory is getting worse and my level of intelligence feels to be decreasing.

So, is it bullshít when people say recovery from depression is possible?? I took the drugs for a while and they really don't fix anything. I feel constantly miserable and i pine for the days when i at least had the ability to fantasise about things and look forward to things...now i'm filled with rage at my minds inability to seize the day and it's inability to "want" anything.

Sorry if this is a mess but thanks for reading.

Oryx

I have been clinically depressed to the point where it was very hard to function. You do recover from it.

If your current medication is not working, go back to the person who prescribed it. Also if you dont go already, seek counselling, depression usually has a cause, counselling will help you unravel that.

Change can help, so consider changing small things that might help your outlook.

LegacyUser

Yes, depression can go away but it takes a lot of effort and help from others in my experience.

I went on and off meds plenty of times and they helped in the short term but I never got long term results (although some people do). I only got started to get better when I went to CBT in combination with meds and also making a huge effort to socialize and exercise.

This has only happened in the last few months and now I'm on 1/2 dose meds and will be off them soon. Previously I had been depressed for many years but tbh I didn't make a huge effort to fix things before. I guess this comes from the apathy which often accompanies depression

Monkey61

Yes it really can go away. I suffered from severe depression for most of my childhood. Two suicide attempts in secondary school followed by years more constantly wanting to do it again, self harm etc. College years were a mess and quickly followed by one of the worst years of my life. I could barely look after myself, dropped out of a masters, quit my job, barely left the house, washed etc, the simplest tasks were too much for me and I lived with constant torment. I lost interest in everything and motivation was a completely foreign concept. Oh and yes...absolutely no desire for sex for about two years.

I can't really explain what happened OP. After a million doctors, a few failed attempts at therapy and a million different meds...I just decided to stop. I broke up with my long term girlfriend and this was somehow the kick up the arse I needed to change my life. I have no idea how it happened. I just stopped taking my meds one day because I was sure that they were making me worse (not advisable obviously, but luckily it was okay) and pretty much just changed everything in my life.

I don't understand it. I really don't. And if I have a bad day or something goes wrong my first thought is still (two years on) "Oh maybe I should kill myself today" and I still have the odd moment of panic - but generally I am totally fine and happier than I have ever been in my life. So it can happen. Now it has only been two years and in that time I have had a few rough patches and obviously I am not naive enough to think that it will never come back. But for the moment I feel like I am free.

But first step is get back to the doctor. If the meds don't work, then you are on the wrong ones. The right ones can make a massive difference. One of my close friends spent years in a similar state to me and finally after trying about six or seven different meds found the one that works for her and has never looked back - finished her degree, and going to do a Phd in a field she loves, going travelling next year, just moved into her own flat with her boyfriend and is generally just delighted with her life.

But yes to summarise, there is hope!

LegacyUser

Thank you for the replies.

Any other input by anybody would be very welcome.

Monkey, how did you manage to get to a masters degree level while suffering severe depression? I did very well in school but since leaving, ive lost the ability to do well in college, despite a continued refusal to accept this and trying to keep up my former standards.
It feels like my thoughts are all slow and clunky....like my mind can simply no longer concieve anything as clearly as it once could...and i cant set myself short-term goals because i don't care about anything other than trying to just get through the day with minimal hinderance from depression. Any job i've tried to take on also I've had to leave because of my fcuked up moods making it impossible to concentrate. the future seems quite daunting and pointless to be honest. i would give absolutly anything to have the capacity for pleasure and fantasy and hope that I had when I was 13 or so...my brain feels hollow