feel ugly

LegacyUser

mid 20s guy here.
had around 3 proper relationships. 2 of which ending bad. both cheated.

never really been great with girls.
i've used dating sites and social networking sites (tagged etc) and all I get is no replies... or the usual few mails then nothing.


feel so down.

LegacyUser

Op here
I guess what I am asking is, is this really normal?

i'll take using a website for an example. Just so many read mails. And when I do get replies it just fizzles.

Exclamation Marc

I really wouldn't be too worried about replies on dating sites.

There's usually about 25-50 guys for every 1 girl, so you have to remember that whilst some guys are looking for love, a lot are looking for sex and as such girls get bombarded with mails from guys. I've a friend who used a dating site and she received 40+ mails a day and found it completely unusable to find a date, and just gave up a few days in as she was literally swamped almost immediately.

You may be genuinely the sweetest guy out there, but there's jerks who've perfected the sweetest guy act online out there, and when everyone is mailing the same girl, its sometimes just pot luck on who'll they reply to.

Although there are net dating success stories out there, nowadays its rockhard to find someone online unless you use the expensive fancy ones, and even at that a lot of people won't pay the money so its a catch 22.

Don't get yourself down on net dating, it's a minefield out there. No-replies after a while are commonplace and are no reflection on you. Who you are and how fun and nice you are can never be defined by a web page, simple as.

kjl

Well OP, you are never going to attract anyone with that attitude.

You need to just accept who you are, maybe you are not good looking, but it's not all about looks in this world. You are definitely not as bad as you think you are.

Women are attracted to confidence. If you are happy with who you are, women will see this and see you for who you are.

LegacyUser

Op here.
thanks for the words FireballPitcher
and Kjl, no need to be rude - its hard to not have a bad attiude in life when you get the same thing over and over.

But... i really am in a rut. I dont know what to do.
Social life isnt the best.

LegacyUser

FireballPitcher wrote: »

I really wouldn't be too worried about replies on dating sites.

There's usually about 25-50 guys for every 1 girl, so you have to remember that whilst some guys are looking for love, a lot are looking for sex and as such girls get bombarded with mails from guys. I've a friend who used a dating site and she received 40+ mails a day and found it completely unusable to find a date, and just gave up a few days in as she was literally swamped almost immediately.

You may be genuinely the sweetest guy out there, but there's jerks who've perfected the sweetest guy act online out there, and when everyone is mailing the same girl, its sometimes just pot luck on who'll they reply to.

Although there are net dating success stories out there, nowadays its rockhard to find someone online unless you use the expensive fancy ones, and even at that a lot of people won't pay the money so its a catch 22.

Don't get yourself down on net dating, it's a minefield out there. No-replies after a while are commonplace and are no reflection on you. Who you are and how fun and nice you are can never be defined by a web page, simple as.

Hey, I'm not the OP, but I share his outlook. I'm 30. I've had a couple of relationships, but it's been a few years since the last serious one, and I've felt like I've lost whatever I had that got me those relationships in the first place. I tried online dating, but it's been absolutely soul-destroying in that I get no replies what so ever. And I cant help but feel it's because I'm not the best looking guy in the world. I've a good few friends, and I get on great with everyone. I'm a good-hearted person, but not too hot with the women folk. At least at first. So I put the whole net-dating failure down to my looks. But your words actually made me feel a whole lot better. Thank you!

shellyboo

feel_ugly wrote: »

Op here.
thanks for the words FireballPitcher
and Kjl, no need to be rude - its hard to not have a bad attiude in life when you get the same thing over and over.

But... i really am in a rut. I dont know what to do.
Social life isnt the best.

kjl hit it on the nose though. There is nothing more unattractive than someone wallowing in self-pity, which is kind of what you're doing. If you want your life to change, change something. Change your routine, do something different, go to different places. Something as simple as re-writing your dating profile.

What do you have written on it? How do you approach women on the site? I can tell you from experience that unless a guy has something interesting or unique to say about himself that a girl on a site isn't going to take any notice. That's not a reflection on you, it's a reflection on the medium itself. There are so many more men than women that it's the guys who stand out that succeed. It's as simple as that. If you don't rate yourself, nobody else is going to.

LegacyUser

SameAsOP wrote: »

I tried online dating, but it's been absolutely soul-destroying in that I get no replies what so ever. And I cant help but feel it's because I'm not the best looking guy in the world..So I put the whole net-dating failure down to my looks. But your words actually made me feel a whole lot better. Thank you!

Work on the profile, get some decent pics!

Would you expect to do well at a job interview if your CV is a few lines with spelling mistakes and bad grammar, then show up wearing an old dirty pair of runners, jeans and t shirt and expect to get the job do you?? Same idea with your online profile!

I have dated many nice girls from dating sites and am currently dating a 6ft Polish girl who turns heads when she walks down the street... am i tall, no!, good looking, not really!... but i have a good profile and pics with a positive attitude so try it!

LegacyUser

Ive tried the internet dating thing too. Im female , and as soon as I put pic up, just bombarded with trashy emails, its very off putting specially when you specify thats not what you are after. I agree with previous poster, what you say in your profile is kinda what starts conversations off, for me anyways, I personally,wouldnt be that bothered bou profile pics to be honest, i know i didnt take too much notice of them. Would be far more inclined to reply to someone whos profile came across as honest and humourous.
I would say dont put up a full face pic, even if your the best looking guy in the world, i find it very offputting ( & friends agree) , a casual pic thats not too staged ,looks the best.

As for no replies, I would say update your profile and when you do get replies , keep conversation light & jokey and just add in little bits of info bou yourself, until you get more comfortable with whomever you are chatting with. If you not sure what to put in your profile, have a poke around thro some other guys profiles and get a few ideas.