Trivial Problem

LegacyUser

Really trivial problem, maybe too trivial for this forum, feel free to move it...

Just wondering about etiquette i guess, recently i've been having problems with men "getting the wrong impression", on a few nights out i've been approached by some really nice guys and we get chatting, now i'm fairly easy going if someone starts chatting to me i'll chat back, maybe i'm being unintentionally flirty or something i don't know, but on numerous occasions these guys have tried to kiss me (unfortunately totally unwanted by me, lovely guys but not my cup of tea looks wise).

Anyway this keeps happening to me, just wondering on how to let these guys down nicely? I don't want to be a complete cow. it happened again last night, he tried to kiss me, i just pulled back, thought that would give him the message, but no. So i tried the old "i have a boyfriend" line (even though i don't) and he got really really p****d off with me telling me i was attention seeking and obviously not much of a gf! This really got to me as it couldn't be further from the truth, but it got me thinking that pretending i have a bf (which is what i usually say) is probably not the best way to deter them because i suppose it does reflect badly on me if they think i'm flirting..

Obviously i can't just turn to these guys and go sorry i don't find you attractive, so what's a girl supposed to say/do in this situation??!

Cheap Thrills!

I dont know the answer to this one but I doubt it's anything you personally are doing. I always found the same thing in bars/clubs etc, the guys are literally just looking for one thing, so don't blame yourself.

Unfortunately sometimes there IS no 'nice' way to let some people down lightly. And think about this, they are not worrying about being nice and polite to you when they grab at you or lunge in for an unwelcome kiss.

It IS difficult to strike a balance and Irish girls already have a reputation for being pr!ck teasy arrogant b!tches so I know what you mean, you don't want to come off like that!

I think you need to be very clear with your body language from the get go. I always notice these approaches begin long before they actually touch you unwantedly. They will look for a nice/sound girl who isn't 'up herself' and maybe play on that so watch that. Don't accept any touch that you don't want even if it's just ostensibly 'friendly' or 'plantonic' -you decide who gets to touch you, not anybody else.

Simply take their hands off your body, look them in the eye and state clearly you don't want to be touched etc. If you feel threatened get the feck out of there. If you just feel annoyed and they've approached you and invaded your space in an unwelcome way, be calm and assertive. The more you do it the easier it will be.

You will often get a bitter anti-female rant (tarring us all with the same brush) but you know you're not like that. It's that person with the problem not you!

You don't have to be nasty BUT don't be apologetic or overly submissive either. Be robustly defensive of your physical person in your demeanour!

seenitall

Cheap Thrills! wrote: »

I dont know the answer to this one but I doubt it's anything you personally are doing. I always found the same thing in bars/clubs etc, the guys are literally just looking for one thing, so don't blame yourself.

Unfortunately sometimes there IS no 'nice' way to let some people down lightly. And think about this, they are not worrying about being nice and polite to you when they grab at you or lunge in for an unwelcome kiss.

It IS difficult to strike a balance and Irish girls already have a reputation for being pr!ck teasy arrogant b!tches so I know what you mean, you don't want to come off like that!

I think you need to be very clear with your body language from the get go. I always notice these approaches begin long before they actually touch you unwantedly. They will look for a nice/sound girl who isn't 'up herself' and maybe play on that so watch that. Don't accept any touch that you don't want even if it's just ostensibly 'friendly' or 'plantonic' -you decide who gets to touch you, not anybody else.

Simply take their hands off your body, look them in the eye and state clearly you don't want to be touched etc. If you feel threatened get the feck out of there. If you just feel annoyed and they've approached you and invaded your space in an unwelcome way, be calm and assertive. The more you do it the easier it will be.

You will often get a bitter anti-female rant (tarring us all with the same brush) but you know you're not like that. It's that person with the problem not you!

You don't have to be nasty BUT don't be apologetic or overly submissive either. Be robustly defensive of your physical person in your demeanour!

+ 1.

Excellent. Especially the second paragraph. I could have written this myself!

chainsaws

trivial_girl wrote: »

Really trivial problem, maybe too trivial for this forum, feel free to move it...

Just wondering about etiquette i guess, recently i've been having problems with men "getting the wrong impression", on a few nights out i've been approached by some really nice guys and we get chatting, now i'm fairly easy going if someone starts chatting to me i'll chat back, maybe i'm being unintentionally flirty or something i don't know, but on numerous occasions these guys have tried to kiss me (unfortunately totally unwanted by me, lovely guys but not my cup of tea looks wise).

Anyway this keeps happening to me, just wondering on how to let these guys down nicely? I don't want to be a complete cow. it happened again last night, he tried to kiss me, i just pulled back, thought that would give him the message, but no. So i tried the old "i have a boyfriend" line (even though i don't) and he got really really p****d off with me telling me i was attention seeking and obviously not much of a gf! This really got to me as it couldn't be further from the truth, but it got me thinking that pretending i have a bf (which is what i usually say) is probably not the best way to deter them because i suppose it does reflect badly on me if they think i'm flirting..

Obviously i can't just turn to these guys and go sorry i don't find you attractive, so what's a girl supposed to say/do in this situation??!

Hi OP
If a man approaches an attractive woman and she responds, he will automatically think she is up for it.
He will try to run with it as far as he can possibly go as long as he meets no resistance.
He will move in closer to her, put his arm around her waist, buy her a drink, steer her into a seat where they can talk more, work the charm, get a kiss and persuade her to have sex with him.
There are some guys, real old school charmers, who have a lot of experience with women and can often persuade women who were not immediately interested and did not see him as an obvious sexual partner, to go to bed with them within only a few hours of meeting them.
But guys like that the rare exception rather than the rule.
Most guys make obvious passes at women that are instantly rebuffed.
So if you want to stop unwanted advances, just tell a guy who approaches you straight away that you are not interested and not looking to hook up with anybody and then turn your back on him. If he persists just keep telling him you are not interested until he goes away and tries some other girl.
If a guy starts getting aggressive and abusive, that is NOT your fault.
That is HIS fault.
Tell him that you will have him thrown out if he keeps pestering you.
You don't have to tolerate the stupidity of a man who has got the wrong impression and throws a tantrum because you don't think he is God's gift to women.
A guy who makes a clumsy attempt at seduction and starts calling you - a complete stranger he just met - a bitch is a scumbag and should be threated like one.

Supercell

Wear a plain ring on the finger beside your little finger on your left hand..should send a message to most men!

LegacyUser

thanks for all the replies guys, especially Cheap Thrills! makes a lot of sense

Wear a plain ring on the finger beside your little finger on your left hand..should send a message to most men!

haha good idea, but it might also scare off the men i'm interested in