Reading to much into a drunken night out?

LegacyUser

Been mulling this over in my head for a while and thought I might throw it out there and see what people think. Basically I broke up with my girlfriend a couple of months ago and shortly after it I ended up going home with a girl from work. Usual story it was a going away party and everyone was pretty drunk. The girl I left with worked in another department and I had never really talked to her before. Anyway the next morning there was the usual awkwardness and sore heads. Nothing was really said between us other than that we’d keep it our little secret.
I tried emailing her the following week (was a leap of faith seeing as I didn’t know her last name:-p). There wasn’t much in the way of banter from her other than to say she suffered through the weekend.
Anyway it’s a couple of months later and I see her a couple of times a week in the canteen and stuff and we usually say “hi” to each other. I haven’t really had the opportunity to talk to her. But last week I thought I caught her looking at me. I decided I’d try and break the ice and send her an email – It was a throwaway line about something I saw that might interest her. She read my email but never got back to me.
I guess I’m wondering am I barking up the wrong tree here and I should move on? Last thing I’d want to do is be seen to be pestering the poor girl I’d appreciate a woman’s perspective and views in general
Thanks in advance

S23

Sorry but I'd say you are barking up the wrong tree completely. You haven't had one green light since you pair had a drunken one night stand. As for her 'looking at you' in the canteen, don't over analyse or read too much into it.

You tried to follow up and see if it was going anywhere. It's not. If she had any interest at all she'd have let you know by now. I'd leave it be if I was you.

Plenty more fish in the sea and all that. Don't get hung up on the first girl you fcuk on the rebound after a breakup.

Best of luck

I am a friend

She could also think that you are only interested in her as a one night stand and are looking for a repeat performance a few months later. She did reply to you last time. Did you reply to her?

How Strange

Sorry op I think you're def barking up the wrong tree. You've given her plenty of opportunity and she's completely unresponsive. I'd say leave it be now.

carolmon

from a woman's perspective........

This is just something that immediately jumped out at me from your post.

I'm wondering who decided to keep the night a secret, I'd find it pretty insulting if I'd just spent the night with somebody and this was the gist of the conversation the next morning, I'd also assume that this was something they regretted/ were embarrassed by if this was suggested to me, it makes it a bit seedy and dirty or something .

(there's a difference between deciding to be discreet/ not broadcasting all your business about the workplace and "it's our little secret")

Did you suggest this and she agreed or the other way around?

Also you didn't make the effort to approach her since that night, what's changed now?
Do you want a date or just another ons?
If you want a date just ask her out, you'll be no worse off.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies. I guess I was looking for a second opinion. From my perspective I was just out of a relationship back then so I wasn't sure what I wanted. So when I got little in the way of a response ( I sent the first and the last email) I thought it best to leave it. But that was a couple of months ago and now I’m thinking here’s a good looking girl what harm in seeing how things go (to correct a previous post I wasn't talking about just an one night stand). But like I say I was looking to see what other people made of the situation - I obviously see it from the guys perspective so I though what harm in asking what women made of it. I think the "barking up the tree" group seem to win out unfortunately.

For what it's worth I think it was her idea to keep things quiet. I wouldn't have dreamed of mentioning it to people at work. For the most part I like to keep private life and work separate. From my perspective I never thought it insulting to keep it quiet.

Anyway thanks again for points of view

chainsaws

No harm next time you see her to go over and chat her up.
Communicating by email and not going over to her when you see in her in the canteen is probably what you are doing wrong here.
Make it clear you like her, you want more than just a drunken one night stand and if she says no, leave it at that.
Take the bull by the horns.
If she says no, it's her loss. No big deal.

LegacyUser

chainsaws wrote: »

No harm next time you see her to go over and chat her up.
Communicating by email and not going over to her when you see in her in the canteen is probably what you are doing wrong here.
Make it clear you like her, you want more than just a drunken one night stand and if she says no, leave it at that.
Take the bull by the horns.
If she says no, it's her loss. No big deal.

Well I've been hoping that she'd go out on a Friday night when the rest of her department go out. It would have been easier to have a quick chat there. But I've only seen her out once before that night and not any night since. As for the canteen I go for lunch just as shes leaving so no real chance for a chat there. Guess we'll see how it goes

chainsaws

?_if_know wrote: »

Well I've been hoping that she'd go out on a Friday night when the rest of her department go out. It would have been easier to have a quick chat there. But I've only seen her out once before that night and not any night since. As for the canteen I go for lunch just as shes leaving so no real chance for a chat there. Guess we'll see how it goes

Why is there no real chance for a chat there? Are you scared of what other people think or something? Why are you going to wait until Friday for? Do you need to get drunk before you talk to women?
Do you want another drunken encounter or do you want to get together with her properly?
I think you are going about this all wrong.
Are you afraid?
Ask you yourself why are you afraid?

LegacyUser

Ah I don't think that's really fair Chainsaws - I know in my work canteen, there are long tables with loads of people, so she could be with a few of her own friends and beside a group of strangers. I don't think you could expect him to go up to her in that scenario! And I doubt she'd appreciate it either. A warm smile and an hello every time he sees her in the canteen would be better, I think - and then follow that up with a proper chat at the next work night out.

chainsaws

Wandering Wagon wrote: »

Ah I don't think that's really fair Chainsaws - I know in my work canteen, there are long tables with loads of people, so she could be with a few of her own friends and beside a group of strangers. I don't think you could expect him to go up to her in that scenario! And I doubt she'd appreciate it either. A warm smile and an hello every time he sees her in the canteen would be better, I think - and then follow that up with a proper chat at the next work night out.

Is there some rule that says a guy shouldn't talk to strangers?
Next time her sees her - whether in the canteen or elsewhere - he shouldn't waste anytime - just up and chat to her and ask her out.

HavingCrack

chainsaws wrote: »

Is there some rule that says a guy shouldn't talk to strangers?
Next time her sees her - whether in the canteen or elsewhere - he shouldn't waste anytime - just up and chat to her and ask her out.

It's a tad different in work in fairness if she's in a group with other people. You're really putting her on the spot which isn't a good way to approach women, ever. If she's on her own, I agree, fire ahead by all means but cornering her in the canteen in the company of her colleagues isn't a great idea.

LegacyUser

If I were her, I think a few definite and warm acknowledgements in the canteen, followed by an email on Thu or Fri asking if I was going to the post work pub, would be a good indication of interest - but still allow me the option of stepping back if I was not interested. I feel that if you do this, the setting is there to make a positive move when you are both out - and you'll know from her email reply (or lack of) if she is not interested.

Good luck OP, I hope you get your girl!

LegacyUser

Havingcrack will keep an eye out for you in the canteen sounds like you know my place well.

Wandering Wagon thats pretty much what I tried - I though a bit of email banter would be a good sign that she was interested. If things progressed I'd have definitly mentioned the pub. but where there was a response it was short.

Ah well live and learn

LegacyUser

Ah that's a pity OP - the email banter would be a defo sign for me. Maybe she just isn't one for that though, I dunno. In my personal experience, people who I tend to really tend to see eye to eye with are also into a bit of slagging/banter over email. Maybe she isn't great at emails ... or maybe isn't into the banter and you are? I'd take it as a not great sign though, sorry OP - sounds like you've tried, but aren't really getting much back. I'd be inclined to give it one last try the next time you see her out. Hope it works out and that she's just a bit bad at the banter thing!