Toilet roll in work

eagle10

The factory I work in has the worst toilet roll in the world. I've complained and complained but to no avail I've brought in my own but it keeps getting stolen and my locker is the other side of the building it just really grinds my gears.........

Anyone else stuck in a similar position

Redlion

if it keeps getting stolen, just replace some of it with sandpaper...problem solved.

nicklauski

Its a pain in the arse alright.

Dan Chipowski

Bringing your own toilet roll to work? I've heard it all now!

I once saw a member of the travelling community clean himself with a toilet brush, so count yourself lucky.

cson

Nothing quite like the work shite to be fair though.

Being paid to shite; no standard of toilet paper could ruin that.

eagle10

Redlion wrote: »

if it keeps getting stolen, just replace some of it with sandpaper...problem solved.

nicklauski wrote: »

Its a pain in the arse alright.

Brilliant my spirits are lifted already

Redlion

nicklauski wrote: »

Its a pain in the arse alright.

I saw what ya did there

iPlop

Yeah there is a guy in my job that brings his own jax roll and I nick it on him when he's not looking;)

nicklauski

cson wrote: »

Nothing quite like the work shite to be fair though.

Being paid to shite; no standard of toilet paper could ruin that.

Not even the 24 rolls of Lidl paper! Nothing like a WP (work poo) during the day

Oat23

Keep the roll in your locker but bring a bit with you in your pocket in the morning?

Reminds me of school, everyone was given their own little box of toilet roll. Some prick kept shoving the whole roll down the toilet which led to the individual boxes .

the keen edge

Problem solved, just check and confirm your diameter.

eagle10

This is the stuff they are using

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ergxDRrEr-8/S9Bu1l11XOI/AAAAAAAAATs/Va0kdocmv5s/s1600/sandpaper+roll.jpg

KeithM89_old

Just dont wipe - problem solved

mudokon

DIY bidet is your answer.

kfallon

Bring in some babywipes or alternatively wear 2 pairs of socks going to work but only 1 pair coming home

If you need to keep using the 'rough stuff' work provide then invest in some savlon cream....that'll stop your hoop looking like an angry dot

Son Of A Vidic

Send a PM to flutterinbantam, he's the expert on these matters.

Cranky Mc Funhouse

Just sit your bare ass in the sink and slosh water up there till its clean. Then its simply a matter of lying on your back under the hand dryer and turning it on with your feet.

AnonoBoy

Adult diapers.

What a time saver! I don't know how I lived without them.

knird evol

KeithM89 wrote: »

Just dont wipe - problem solved

Yes and after a few days your co-workers and supervisors will probably re-visit the cheap jacks roll issue, with a favorable outcome

Dravokivich

sh:t in yer co-workers lockers, that'll learn'em!

eagle10

knird evol wrote: »

Yes and after a few days your co-workers and supervisors will probably re-visit the cheap jacks roll issue, with a favorable outcome

Brilliant

orourkeda

eagle10 wrote: »

The factory I work in has the worst toilet roll in the world. I've complained and complained but to no avail I've brought in my own but it keeps getting stolen and my locker is the other side of the building it just really grinds my gears.........

Anyone else stuck in a similar position

Just f*ckin' wipe your arse.

Celly Smunt

we have to check the toilet roll in and out

orourkeda

the keen edge wrote: »

Problem solved, just check and confirm your diameter.

giggidy

FlutterinBantam

For fuck's sake what kind of idiots are you people?

Here's the plan.

Go into any Tesco/Woodies/B&Q or whatever and buy a little garden sprayer for less than €10 euro, the ones with the pressure handle are best.

Leave her in your locker, and prior to 'cutting some rope' fill her with lukewarm water,with a little Fairy liq,just a dropeen, if 'spread ' in anticipated.

Bring her into the stall with you.

When the load has been dumped and dispatched, spread the arse cheeks and 'puff out' the nipsy.

Crank your handle, set it to 'fine mist' for a clean dump, or strong jet if there was a bit of clagging involved, and 20 or thirty seconds later your badge is back to blue flag standard.

Females might find the ''April shower' setting ideal for 'awkward times' when the minge is...... erm:o.... a bit swampy.

Quick dab of a tissue and ready for all eventualities.

All it takes is a bit of preparation and the water is free!!

Son Of A Vidic

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

For fuck's sake what kind of idiots are you people?

Here's the plan.

Go into any Tesco/Woodies/B&Q or whatever and buy a little garden sprayer for less than €10 euro, the ones with the pressure handle are best.

Leave her in your locker, and prior to 'cutting some rope' fill her with lukewarm water,with a little Fairy liq,just a dropeen, if 'spread ' in anticipated.

Bring her into the stall with you.


When the load has been dumped and dispatched, spread the arse cheeks and 'puff out' the nipsy.

Crank your handle, set it to 'fine mist' for a clean dump, or strong jet if there was a bit of clagging involved, and 20 or thirty seconds later your badge is back to blue flag standard.

Females might find the ''April shower' setting ideal for 'awkward times' when the minge is...... erm:o.... a bit swampy.

Quick dab of a tissue and ready for all eventualities.

All it takes is a bit of preparation and the water is free!!

There ya go now folks! The Master has spoken - thread closing time?

CarrickMcJoe

Go to Joke shop and buy itching powder and dust it on the roll, meanwhile take a 2nd roll for yourself. Happy Days:D

Mr McBoatface

We use this fancy stuff at my place ...

knird evol

Sounds immaculate Flutterin.
Speckless - You'd eat your dinner off it.

Remember Folks, a clean hole, is a happy hole.

FlutterinBantam

knird evol wrote: »

Sounds immaculate Flutterin.
Speckless - You'd eat your dinner off it.

Remember Folks, a clean hole, is a happy hole.

Indeed... and if someone important was to go down on you... like Hilary Clinton. or Mary Hannafin or someone, you would have no worries about any 'fumes' from that area, totally sterile:D

policarp

eagle10 wrote: »

The factory I work in has the worst toilet roll in the world. I've complained and complained but to no avail I've brought in my own but it keeps getting stolen and my locker is the other side of the building it just really grinds my gears.........

Anyone else stuck in a similar position

What about the Star newspaper?
It's all it's fit for...

stoneill

We have that shiny square jayes paper stuff. About as absorbent as clingfilm.

kumate_champ07

just double/triple up, its free so use as much of it was you want. I dont know how anyone could use 1 or 2 sheets of single sheet industrial toilet roll, it breaks up too easy and you end up with brown fingers.

you could also try and adjust your diet so you drop nice solid bombs with no residue left on the anal lips, plenty of water, nuts, fruit and veg. throw a bit of toilet roll down first to avoid the splash.

mikerowsopht

NFSW toilet paper

NothingMan

Isn't that what your left hand is for anyway?