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  • 21-10-2010 3:08pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    hi guys decided to post anon here and need advice. ok my situation is im going out with a great guy with the last two years who i love dearly. Im 26 and he is 30. we live in different parts of the country. At the moment we spend on average about 3 to 4 days of the week together and get on famously. I'm lucky as my job is flexible i can spend so much time with him. we do alot together and enjoy each others company. we have had our ups and downs but so has everyone. In most senses he is my best friend and a good boyfriend.

    it has come to the stage in our relationship where he wants to up things a little. move in together get engaged, marriage and children. Not all at once obviously :-) i'm all for that i'm just frightened out of my wits end. I love him with all my heart and dont want to lose him however I dont think im at the stage in my life where i want so such a level of commitment. I suppose in one sense it feels so final. I know this has been coming with a while and it has weighed on my mind alot. I do like the idea of being with him every day however i way up the pro's and con's nearly on an hourly basis. I dont get on with his family they feel they can speak to me which ever way they like. There have been one or two incidents in recent times. i have voiced my concerns about this to by partner and told him i was upset and angry at the way ive been threated however he did not back me up on either matter which hurt. I know I'm not going out with his family but they are a huge aspect of his life. if we were to move in together I would have the pleasure of seeing them every day.

    I see all my friends moving in with their boyfriends getting engaged etc and i wonder what in gods name is wrong with me why is it so hard for me to grow up. I suppose its come to the stage where its either give that bit more to the relationship or end up single. the thoughts of losing my boyfriend scare me but equally the thought of commitment scares me. im sorry about this post i must seem like a total idiot but this is really getting me down and making me depressed. I have discussed this with my boyfriend and its really all or nothing for him which upsets me. I dont know should it be so hard if he was the one


Comments

  • #2
    Curry Addict
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,274 ✭✭✭Curry Addict


    follow your gut instinct imho, from your post it feels like u need to get more confidence that your relationship is very strong first and this is a normal enough feeling because u want to feel secure in your new living enviroment. tell him u will reconsider in a few months, your just not quite ready right now.

    talk to him about mutual support in general, he may not have thought much about this but its very important in a relationship. let the concept grow on him. later u can ask him again about supporting your issues with his family.


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