girlfriend diagnosed with genital herpes...?

LegacyUser

hi folks just wondering if you could share your wisdom or experience or advice,
just been on the phone to my girlfriend of 6mths, whom i adore, and she was in tears telling me her diagnosis. I took i very calmly, saying its something she'll just have to manage and life goes on and not to let it get her down.
She was really worried that i might break up with her, but to be honest the thought haden't crossed my mind. There's no question of any of us contracting it through being unfaithful so thats not an issue. The thing is now, do i have it?, which i expect i probably do (although no symptoms) and what are the implications for our sex life, (i hate using condoms). Also is there a test i can do bearing in mind i have no symptoms and what can i say to her to help her , i fear having this virus may have a big phycological effect on her.

Id really appreciate your opinions folks, thanks.

calex71

genital herpes is usually passed on through sexual contact. If you are 100% she and you have not strayed then you both need to look to previous partners. It could have been you who had it but not presented symptoms especially as you say you "hate using condoms". It is far worse for a girl to have it what with pregnancy etc.

Condoms reduce risk of infection not eliminate it you need to be tested too OP then consider the options, as there is no cure for genital herpes other than from what I am aware of anti viral meds for treating symptoms.

vicecreamsundae

one of my close friends is in a relationship with someone who has genital herpes, and he hasn't contracted it yet. his partner can tell when it's flaring up, and they just avoid sex during that period. though of course he's aware that's not failsafe, but they are pretty committed and he just accepts that it's a risk.

you can definitely get checked even if you don't have symptoms, so you should do that first thing.
did you both not get tested before you decided not to use condoms? i think most run-of-the-mill STI checks only check for the chlam and gonorrhea though..

i do feel for your girlfriend. i know i'd be pretty devestated if i got herpes. i knowww it's not the end of the world or anything but yeah, it would still hurt by self esteem pretty bad, especially as a single person! you should encourage her to tell her previous partners, and if you have it, tell yours to get checked too.

kjl

vicecreamsundae wrote: »

one of my close friends is in a relationship with someone who has genital herpes, and he hasn't contracted it yet. his partner can tell when it's flaring up, and they just avoid sex during that period. though of course he's aware that's not failsafe, but they are pretty committed and he just accepts that it's a risk.

you can definitely get checked even if you don't have symptoms, so you should do that first thing.
did you both not get tested before you decided not to use condoms? i think most run-of-the-mill STI checks only check for the chlam and gonorrhea though..

i do feel for your girlfriend. i know i'd be pretty devestated if i got herpes. i knowww it's not the end of the world or anything but yeah, it would still hurt by self esteem pretty bad, especially as a single person! you should encourage her to tell her previous partners, and if you have it, tell yours to get checked too.

You are completely overreacting, sorry, I hate to break it to you but most people don't go for sti tests when they decided to stop using condoms. So don't be surprised by that.

Herpes is only contractible when flaring, and to a lesser extent only when the sore is oozing. OP avoid contact when she feels sore down there. and for 5 days after.

It is possible she contacted it from you, do you suffer from cold-sores on your lips? If you had been giving fellatio during a flare up, you could have passed it on to her. It happened to a friend of mine not 2 weeks ago.

beks101

kjl wrote: »

You are completely overreacting, sorry, I hate to break it to you but most people don't go for sti tests when they decided to stop

Maybe they don't but they definitely should. I wouldn't risk it without an STI test no matter how long I was with a partner and I don't think that's an overreaction at all. I think it's cop on tbh

LegacyUser

OP again,
we both got tested before we started having sex and we both got the all clear but the trouble is they dont look for it in the standard std test! (im living in the UK). Why i dont know, but there we were thinking we're ok, and to be honest didnt even really know about herpes, ignorance was bliss. I went out with a girl years ago who occasionally got coldsore on her mouth but i never got them, but, i dunno, maybe i did get the virus??

I just want to know where to go from here, do i need to go back to a clinic and specify i want a ****ing test for herpes(if thats not too much trouble to ask them!!). And how do me a my g\f go on from here, can we have a normal sexlife without condoms when the virus is not flared up??
Is there anything i can say to her that will eas her mind, shes saying things like
"if we break up thats it, im finished with men, how could i keep a partner when i have to tell them i have Herpes?'' sort of thing. She seems very down, i just dont want this to knock her confidence.

Food for thought, but maybe everyone who has had a clear std test should get a herpes test since they dont even test for it, let alone highlight the fact!

Thanks in advance

Nevyn

You could be a carrier, it is possible for you to have it an be asymptomatic ie you have the virus but you don't get the sores. Please get tested, go to the clinic tell them your partner has it and you want a test.
Ask them about what precautions you need to take with your partner when she is not having a flare up.

There are many people who are living with the condition and as long they look after thier health flare ups are less likely to happened, some people will think they are damaged goods after they contract it but that is only
due to the way they feel as it is not a condition many people will talk about but there are people who are just getting on with their lives and meeting new people and dating who have learned to manage their condition.

Unregistered39

kjl wrote: »

Herpes is only contractible when flaring, and to a lesser extent only when the sore is oozing. OP avoid contact when she feels sore down there. and for 5 days after.

Absolutely wrong. It can be spread by a process known as 'shedding' through skin-to-skin contact where no symptoms at all need to be present. It's quite possible the OP is a carrier as Thaedydal said. A large percentage of carriers never have symptoms at all.

Get informed before you misinform!

Unregistered39

Also, OP, tell your girlfriend to start taking a Lysine supplement regularly. People swear by it for preventing/shortening outbreaks. There is a lot of buzz now about coconut oil actually killing the virus but I'll add the disclaimer that tests are still inconclusive. Worth investigating though.

Both Lysine and coconut oil are natural supplements so I hope this doesn't contravene the medical advice rule!

You sound very supportive and she's lucky to have you. Just make sure she takes good care of herself.

weatherguy

tut, tut. You don't like wearing condoms. Well, Iam not surprised at your gf contracting gh.

LegacyUser

Just to let your gf know...while there's every chance she may have another flare up..she also may not.

I'm 27 now and when I was 19, my ex-bf gave me herpes. He had a cold sore and we had oral sex. I went through HORRENDOUS pain at the time. I couldn't pee for days and had to be catheterized twice in A&E. I was so, so upset at the time..devastated..and irrationally angry at him for not being affected genitally and being spared all symptoms..

Eight years later, I've never had another flare-up. I've never had another STI either, but I am careful with my sexual health. She may never have symptoms again. It probably feels like the end of the world now to her, but in the grand scheme of things, it's really not.

As for your aversion to condoms, you may well have it yourself and have remained asymptomatic until now. If you're negative for herpes, I'd advise you keeping a much closer eye on your sexual health from here on in.

Bottle_of_Smoke

I think some people are immune to it from having caught the cold sore strain prior to exposure to the genital strain.

I don't know if that's proven though.

not sure there's much point in you being tested. She definitely has it. You may be too but if you do get confirmation there's nothing you can do to get rid of it. If you get tested now and get told you're negative you'll still have to get tested again if you ever break up and get with someone else.

She shouldn't be saying things like you breaking up with her is the end of her love life, that's a bit guilt-trippy and I would feel uncomfortable with that kind of suggestion

You have to decide if you're comfortable having sex with her knowing the risk of infection and you have to be sure you are, as you might be annoyed if it flared up on you down the line.

LegacyUser

tut, tut. You don't like wearing condoms. Well, Iam not surprised at your gf contracting gh.

You can still catch gh while using condoms.

Educate yourself before you decide to give irrelevant advice/opinions.

Also weatherguy it may of value to you to read up about stds before having sex yourself, seeing as you seem to be so misinformed.

Uriel.

OP, You cannot be tested in Ireland for HSV unless you are experiencing an outbreak. Sores etc.. are then swabbed and the matter is tested in that case.

You cannot get a HSV diagnosis in any other format. Some clinics in England, London particularly, offer the "herpes Select" test which is a blood test for the virus. It is quite accurate but not 100% as the results can be misleading due to the presence of HSV-1 (oral herpes) in the blood.
It is quite possible that you are a carrier of the infection. She may have only contracted HSV-1 in her genital area which has far less chance of a reacurrence than HSV-2.

Of course she may also have strayed recently - outbreak would usually happen within 15 days of (most often 7 - 10 days) primary infection. However, although not considered typical, one may have the infection for several years before outbreak (with stress, general health depletion being the cause of a primary outbreak).

Uriel.

weather_girl wrote: »

You can still catch gh while using condoms.

Educate yourself before you decide to give irrelevant advice/opinions.

Also weatherguy it may of value to you to read up about stds before having sex yourself, seeing as you seem to be so misinformed.

I assume the person you quoted was referring to the fact that you have a significantly increased chance of picking up an STI without condom use - I didn't see the poster saying condoms offer 100% protection.

Condoms offer something in the region of 70% protection against HSV (perhaps a bit more). I think it safe to say that, if you don't use condoms you have a great chance of picking up HSV from an infected person, if you do use condoms, you have a significantly reduced chance.

As the poster you quoted said "tut tut tut" - I agree with him/her, no condom use, means no wonder she may have picked up the infection from him. Picking up HSV while using a condom (and particularly with a person who is not showing symptoms) falls on the unlucky side of the spectrum.

Perhaps you shouldn't interpret posts to suit your own thinking/provide you an opportunity to have a go at someone.