Staying in Contact With Ex...

Neadine

Is this ever a good idea???

I am in regular (daily) contact with ex since we split. And yes, I do initiate more than half of it, but he makes his share of effort too.

The thing is, I know I'm not over him, and realistically don't think I ever will while we are still in contact like this.

Xiney

Hi Neadine,

Since you are looking for advice specific to your own situation I've moved your thread to Relationship Issues.

Xiney

psycho-hope

im still in contact with one ex but not daily maybe once every 2 weeks or so, tho tbh probably wasnt the best of ideas at the start took me longer to get over him

Neadine

Xiney wrote: »

Hi Neadine,

Since you are looking for advice specific to your own situation I've moved your thread to Relationship Issues.

Xiney

Thanks Xiney, and also thanks for removing the first reply that was really productive!!! Some people...

Neadine

psycho-hope wrote: »

im still in contact with one ex but not daily maybe once every 2 weeks or so, tho tbh probably wasnt the best of ideas at the start took me longer to get over him

Yeah, I think if we weren't in contact I would be over him by now and have moved on.
But making a conscious effort to not talk to him is difficult, the whole time we were together we would have talking on and off through out the day, and evening if we didn't see each other. It's a very difficult habit to break.

Asphyxia

Hey OP

I am afraid the only thing you can do to get over him would be to break contact all together. It will be the most difficult part at the start but in the long run you will be a lot happier rather than carry all this heavy emotion around with you.

Neadine

Pocketfizz wrote: »

Hey OP

I am afraid the only thing you can do to get over him would be to break contact all together. It will be the most difficult part at the start but in the long run you will be a lot happier rather than carry all this heavy emotion around with you.

The sensible and logical part of me knows this, but the emotional part of me is winning out at the moment.

dilapidating

Neadine wrote: »

The sensible and logical part of me knows this, but the emotional part of me is winning out at the moment.

Same position.
Emotional side of me always wins no matter what.
Ah well. Head down, it'll come in time.
I hope.

Neadine

dilapidating wrote: »

Same position.
Emotional side of me always wins no matter what.
Ah well. Head down, it'll come in time.
I hope.

Why are these things never simple, and bless them, but men don't do anything to make it easier for anyone!

IrishEyes19

Hi OP, in the longrun, its not the best idea. I know its tough to get over someone and theres always that urge to keep talking, but unless its concrete that this is a method to get back together, and you both want it. You're just setting yourself up for heartbreak again.

seenitall

This is one of those Original Posts that present both the problem and the solution (albeit somewhat indirectly) - all in the Original Post itself!

They are real gems.

Best wishes!

Neadine

seenitall wrote: »

This is one of those Original Posts that present both the problem and the solution (albeit somewhat indirectly) - all in the Original Post itself!

They are real gems.

Best wishes!

Well, thanks so much for pointing that out.
So much appreciated, really.

MsHolloway

Hi Neadine,

You're doing yourself a massive disservice by staying in contact, but you already know this Its much easier for someone to say cut all contact, but by god can it be hard to do.

I've been there, hung in there because I still felt something. And you convince yourself that having them some way in your life is better than them not being apart of your life at all. But then they start getting in contact less and/or tell you about the new girl they flirted with/ went on a date with/ love, and by god does it hurt. This part of the story is unfortunately inevitable.

Do you know what hurts less (albeit marginally)? Cutting contact and trying to move on. You just need to decide how much pain you want to put yourself through.

LegacyUser

You answered your own question there - you know deep down that it's only prolonging your sadness. It's really tough for a few days, but you'll be MUCH happier in the long run. I remember deleting my ex from Facebook, I was actually bawling my eyes out and had my finger hovering over the mouse for ages until I did it - and while it was upsetting, I also felt a great sense of relief and felt like 'Now, I can finally start to move forward again'.

While you're still in touch and still have feelings for him, you will only move sideways. Life's too short!

kylith

You know that it's better to cut all contact, and you know that staying in contact is stopping you from moving on. It's also giving him a huge ego boost that he can say to his mates that you're still desperate to have him back.

If you don't feel you can do it yourself why not ask a friend to remove his number from your phone and remove the temptation to text him?

Good luck.

basecamp1

the only way to get over someone is to have no contact whatsoever with them for at LEAST a year. you will never move on if you have contact.

Princess Peach

I'm still in contact with my ex. It seems like a good idea because we have a lot of mutual friends, so if we were totally ignoring each other it would be very awkward for everyone when we get together.

It does go well most of the time, but the odd time it does cross the line beyond friendship, which really isn't good for trying to move on from the relationship.

But as I see him a good bit, it is best for us to be on speaking terms anyway

homerun_homer

Neadine wrote: »

The thing is, I know I'm not over him, and realistically don't think I ever will while we are still in contact like this.

My 2 cents - avoid contact if you feel this way. You'll feel worse in the end. You'll be devestated when you get wind of someone new on the scene. Ignorance is bliss when this is concerned.

Kiera

You need to cut contact till you’re over him. When you’re 100% you have no feelings for him, then you may find it easier to be friends.

LighterGuy

Never be friends with an ex.

If it was a clean breakup then yes you could become friends at one point. But you still need that space to get over the relationship / one another.

So when you breakup, dont look back.