Sex on the brain...

LegacyUser

Hi all,

Am a regular of boards so really need to be anno for this. Where do i start.....

Right... I am 36 and a bloke. I am sex mad... What i mean is i want sex every day. I want any sex i can get. Be it 60 sec or 60 min i want it all the time. I have been like this since i discovered sex at about 17.(Some might say a late starter these days but hay i respected my girl then and do now)

Anyway. My other half is different. When we start having sex regular we had it mon/wed/fri/sun type thing before that it was usually a friday or sat when everyone was pissed and went to bed...

Anyway...Sex was great at the start...We did everything except anal...Just never felt right for either of us.

So where is this going.....

The last few years sex has died when compared.... Maybe once a week. once every 10 days....While i would like to be adventureous she wants simplicity....Its strange...I actually feel like the women i read in magazines...ie I want more than wham bam thank you mam.....

Now dont get me wrong... My relationship is more than sex...If she lost the ability in the morning i would love her no less.... But is it normal...I would appreciate a womens opinion...

Like am i wrong to want sex every second day....


Before someone says it...Dont mentions masterbation....I would be going nuts if it was not for it....

LegacyUser

OP,

really you are 36 years old? I have to say I find that difficult to believe. When I first read your post I thought the reference to 17 was your age. Even the way the post is written has a real undertone of adolescent bragging. "I'm sex mad lads, can't get enough yada yada yada" Why did you not just say I have a high sex drive?

Anyway your post screams over compensation. Sounds like you are over compensating for other lacks in your life with your "sex madness" routine.

Have you ever tired discussing with your gf. Communication is essential to a proper relationship and you should tell her how you feel and come to some compromise.

You don't speak much about your gf as a person so is the relationship all about sex for you?
Are you going to leave her if she doesn't put out more?

LegacyUser

response11 you have not read my post correctly. I would hardly want to be annon if i was bragging and as for leaving my girl.

I answerd that. i would have reported your post because i consider it an attack....A possible reason you answered but then again i am amazed those viewing it did not see that so perhaps it is me.

As i cannot undo what i have done I can only apologise for seeming like i am bragging.

Genuine.I am not.

I am being honest....I find it annoying that i am like this. Perhaps there is truth in the fact i am missing something but i cannot see what.

FortyPlusHubby

response11 wrote: »

You don't speak much about your gf as a person so is the relationship all about sex for you?
Are you going to leave her if she doesn't put out more?

I don't see where that comment is coming from. I think that was explained pretty well by OP.

Now dont get me wrong... My relationship is more than sex...If she lost the ability in the morning i would love her no less.... But is it normal...I would appreciate a womens opinion...

His problem is that his sex drive is much higher than his partner, which is a common issue in couples, especially past their twenties. He wants sex more frequently and more ... adventurously.

What it comes down to is communication; OP you need to talk to your partner without being in any way critical of her. Let her know you love her, but explain that you would like to have sex more often. Be prepared for a response you did not expect ..... e.g. "I don't feel like having sex with you so much anymore, and partly that's because you don't spend quality time with me at weekends / evenings", or "you don't make me feel good about myself", or "I want kids".

To men, the equation is typically linear (not getting enough sex; get more sex) but to women this is not the case necessarily. In my experience the equation can be highly non-linear (don't feel like having more sex; want reassurance; want some other aspect of my life to improve; will feel like more sex then).

If your life outside the bedroom has become routine, that can define the bedroom agenda. Consider taking a short break someplace together, somewhere romantic. Try to under stand what she wants to kickstart the sex drive again.

Don't consider using third parties to satisfy your urges. That's certainly not where you want to be, and the pain it can lead to will make your current sexual frustration seem like a minor itch by comparison. Cheating on your partner will only make you feel bad about yourself, even if she never finds out. (No, I don't speak from experience, but I know I could not live with the guilt).

If she doesn't respond positively to discussion about this, maybe relationship counselling might help?


Best of luck,

40pH
(Obviously the views expressed are from a male)

Distorted

I think a few of us might feel a little repulsed by a 36 year old man describing himself as "sex mad" OP. Its quite a juvenile term and maybe indicates that you haven't really matured in dealing with your wants, needs and desires - "I am sex mad... What i mean is i want sex every day. I want any sex i can get. Be it 60 sec or 60 min i want it all the time."

In answer to your question, I would say that in a long term relationship, your current situation is probably quite normal. You still have sex. Maybe your partner has more in her life than sex though - there are other things and constantly thinking about sex and having it is quite time consuming. Do you have any hobbies at all that you could give you something else to think about? Because I guess if your current partner isn't equally as obsessed with sex as you, the solution is to cheat, explore your sexuality in other ways or go down the path of moving from partner to partner. Be wary of becoming sleazy.

curlzy

Distorted wrote: »

I think a few of us might feel a little repulsed by a 36 year old man describing himself as "sex mad" OP. Its quite a juvenile term and maybe indicates that you haven't really matured in dealing with your wants, needs and desires - "I am sex mad... What i mean is i want sex every day. I want any sex i can get. Be it 60 sec or 60 min i want it all the time."

Then again a few of us might feel repulsed by someone being so blatently ageist. Is the OP not allowed to be honest if it's not what we expect from certain age groups? The people with a problem with the OP's original post would want to grow up a bit. 36 year old sex mad guys may turn your stomach when your 18/19 but this forum is for everyone so if you find a 36 year old enjoying sex replusive you might wanna go join Bebo or something. 36 year olds can be "sex mad", what the hell is wrong with that??? Anyway back to the OP, if you were my boyfriend I would be pleased that you were still that hot for me. It's much better than having the problem of not wanting sex with your OH. My advise would be to talk to your OH and plan some romantic getaways, much the same as others have advised.

Best of luck OP

freakmagnet

Sexmad wrote: »

response11 you have not read my post correctly. I would hardly want to be annon if i was bragging and as for leaving my girl.

I answerd that. i would have reported your post because i consider it an attack....A possible reason you answered but then again i am amazed those viewing it did not see that so perhaps it is me.

As i cannot undo what i have done I can only apologise for seeming like i am bragging.

Genuine.I am not.

I am being honest....I find it annoying that i am like this. Perhaps there is truth in the fact i am missing something but i cannot see what.

I wouldn't worry too much about Distorted/Response11 's insensitivity, i've had personal experience of her ageism, sexism and misrepresenting of posts by males - nearly word for word as above. Quite uncalled for.

It's a possibility though OP that she could actually be bored of the sex? Maybe you both just need to find a way of igniting the lusty passion of yesteryear? Maybe do that thing where you both write down your top ten steamiest thoughts, pass each other the list and then work on it from there. The original passion has just got lost in the hum drum of everyday life and you just need to find ways of reclaiming it

LegacyUser

hello op,

I would like to apolgise for my earlier post which on reflection can understand was insensitive. I am not repulsed by a 36 year having a high sex drive.

I guess I found the way you went into detail was unnecessary and the piece about we have "never done anal" at bit TMI and slightly irrelevant. Also if she "lost the ability" just came accross to me as a strange thing to say.

I guess I would have expected a 36 year old to say I have a high sex drive and don't have sex as much I would like with my gf.

Sounded to me like you were trying to convince yourself of something, just something off about your posting style but like I said I apologise for upsetting you and wish you well.

Zillah

response11 wrote: »

OP,

really you are 36 years old? I have to say I find that difficult to believe. When I first read your post I thought the reference to 17 was your age. Even the way the post is written has a real undertone of adolescent bragging. "I'm sex mad lads, can't get enough yada yada yada" Why did you not just say I have a high sex drive?

Anyway your post screams over compensation. Sounds like you are over compensating for other lacks in your life with your "sex madness" routine.

Have you ever tired discussing with your gf. Communication is essential to a proper relationship and you should tell her how you feel and come to some compromise.

You don't speak much about your gf as a person so is the relationship all about sex for you?
Are you going to leave her if she doesn't put out more?

response11 wrote: »

hello op,

I would like to apolgise for my earlier post which on reflection can understand was insensitive. I am not repulsed by a 36 year having a high sex drive.

I guess I found the way you went into detail was unnecessary and the piece about we have "never done anal" at bit TMI and slightly irrelevant. Also if she "lost the ability" just came accross to me as a strange thing to say.

I guess I would have expected a 36 year old to say I have a high sex drive and don't have sex as much I would like with my gf.

Sounded to me like you were trying to convince yourself of something, just something off about your posting style but like I said I apologise for upsetting you and wish you well.

I think you'll find that everyone cares a hell of a lot less about your long winded opinions than you think we do.

Sexmad (this is a great name, use it as your regular account), you're really in a tricky situation. Obviously, as said, you could talk to her about it. Maybe she's more tired from work or stressed out about others things rather than just has less sex drive. Maybe with a few adjustments she could, er, accomodate you.

Do you watch porn? If so, stop. That is of course going to keep sex on your brain.

Ickle Magoo

Talk to her OP. If the sex is really good and she feels really good, she'll be feeling horny - and if it doesn't or she doesn't then you need to discuss why and get to the bottom of any issues.

Neyite

hey Sexmad

all relationships taper off a bit after a certain amount of time, thats normal, but you say that you want to be more adventurous while she wants simplicity - how do you mean? is it boring, but frequent enough, or is it infrequent but good, or a bit of a mix? is it tiredness? laziness? once you identify where you both feel the gaps are, then you can both figure out how to solve it.

so maybe try to introduce quickies during the week, and longer sessions at the weekends, or if its when you both do get to bed, she is too wrecked? try a pre-dinner siesta. or a morning shower together? toys or the like? snuggle up with a movie and a candle once in a while? more hugs and kisses during the day for no reason?

of course, these changes can only happen if you are both on the same page, and both want to spice it up. to do that you need to find out what is you need to have a nobody-gets-defensive type of chat. this is probably toughest, as its really hard to be open fully and be listened to fully. try to agree to give consideration to the others point of view, if she presents the problem, eg. tiredness, ask her what solution does she think would suit, if its more romance, then find out what she sees as romantic. etc. you may consider it romantic to give her flowers, but she might get all gooey over you taking over a household task she hates - these are all wild examples by the way and may not suit.

sex every single day might be unrealistic coming from a pattern of 10-7 days, so compromise, but dont rigidly stick to your agreement - eg if you agree every second night, then dont make her feel she 'owes' one if you both skip a night, if you get me?

hope it works out for you

LegacyUser

You are not alone with your high sex drive. My ex is also possessed of one of those. He would have liked sex every day, morning and night. The more sex he had the more he wanted. If we had had sex morning and night, then he would have wanted it in the afternoon too. I was bored, tired and uninterested and fed up of dangling from chandeliers. The older I got the more boring and vaguely ridiculous it got. Eventually, it was a bit like getting a gynae exam from a doctor - impersonal, slightly uncomfortable and I experienced an overwhelming desire (the only desire I felt) that he'd just get it over with and quit with the foreplay and new things to try out. There were other reasons why it became a chore but the initial one was that he was became selfish in his need for sex and never stopped to consider whether I was up for it or not.

I am not sure if this is of any help to you except to show you that you are not alone in your 'sex madness'. Also, I am not saying that you are like him in any fashion except your desire to have sex and lots of it.

Darlughda

Hia OP,

I'm 37, female and sex mad. So there ya go, all you pc types. Why cant we use such a juvenile word?

You are very lucky you have a partner, OP.
But, fair's fair. Time to say to her that you love her to bits, but the sex is seriously lacking and shyte.

The idea of being in a sexless or a dull missionary inandout vanilla business is anethema to me.
OP, if you honestly tell her what you want and what you need. let us know her respnse.

IrishEyes19

37 or 17, what does it matter? All humans crave intimacy and well it differs for everyone. I don't think your age, OP, should have been called into question here whatsoever, it has nothing to do with what you are looking for advice on.

I think you will need to speak to your, OP, about it. Even if you can sit her down and explain how you feel. Now I cant see her agreeing to it everyday if its not a regular thing. But perhaps you can come to some sort of agreement, however sex isnt a routined action, its based on desire and emotion. So since you've said its only every 10 days or so, that you have it. Is there a possibility that your OH might have an issue she hasnt disclosed with you yet, or stress going on. Perhaps there is, at least maybe try to talk with her and ask her. Best of luck

LegacyUser

Hi all.

I am back again... To be honest a little embarressed.Sorry. To answer you all as to why i am so graphic. A couple of reasons. I was trying to get across that i am up for nearly anything within reason in my relationship. In otherwords. I have never put any goal posts in the way of my partner.

Now to try anwer your answers as fair as i can.

Forthy plus: Yes my problem is clearly a higher sex drive. I read in many mags that its usually the man that calms down now. Its usually the women feeling insecure about lack of sex but in my relationship its me. I have spoken about it but I find it hard not to be clinical or seedy... For example... Clinical "Hi honey why do we only shave sex once a week" Seedy.." Hi Honey what are you doing for the next 5 min" . I accept my other half is tired. I dont really put pressure on her. I just wonder why we are like this. I asked her many times what she wants. She seems to like simple sex. The missionary as such. This is fine by me but I often feel she is missing out. For example I know from our early days she loves oral but does not seem to want to go back to this. I cannot understand why. Especially as i dont expect her to reciprecate as such. I just want to please her.

Curlzy. Get aways are a problem but I hate to arrange a sex hoilday too. ie I would be happier bringing my other half away for pure relaxation rather than having her feel she needs to perform

Freakmagnet. Is she bored of sex? I dont know. She always tells me i am the best ever. Which is a laugh as we have never been with anyone else. I have always read books on relationships. I have bought her various sex toys some solo toys which she expects me to use on her. So is she bored. I think not. Tirdness would be my opinion

Zillah. Do we watch porn...Redtube is speeddial on my computer ;-) But not as much lately. Its because she feels it must lead to something. Having said that she will use it as an initial phase if she is trying to give a hint.For example

Her " Is that porn your watching babe."

Me "No"

Her "Ah shame"


Icky: Talk to her.. This is the problem and what i am trying to get across. How do i broch it without seeming clinical or seedy. How do women like to be approched.. For example if your flowered and dinnered are you feeling pressured to perform. You catch my drift.

Neyite. I want adventure or extended time. I want to make love not just have sex. I want sex to last where as she wants to reach peak quickly. I cannot understnad this in a women. I want all you describe but she seems to tired to, Or maybe she does not want to be treated like a vessel as you say.

Old dog. Thank you. Where did it go. Did you get back on rhythum

Darlughda. Yes i am very lucky and yes i have let her know. she just saud she is happy.


Folks. I have no doubt i am misrepresenting myself and cannot explain myself right. Maybe I am usuing you as a sounding board.

What i am trying to understand is. Is it normal for a women to dry up like this. Does it not return. I must confress. I dont expect oral but I loved giving it. I loved the emotion and the physical closeness. I love more than missionary because I love the feeling of want in the middle of love. I hope that makes sense.

I am trying to understand that is it normal to go dry in a relationship and does it return. How do people approch talking to there repective partners...

I would be happy to answer any questions if it helps. Just understand, this is not lack of respect. I dont just love my partner. I adore her bones. I really love her and adore her body. I miss all we had and in time it will fade completly.

Neyite

Sexmad wrote: »

Neyite. I want adventure or extended time. I want to make love not just have sex. I want sex to last where as she wants to reach peak quickly. I cannot understnad this in a women. I want all you describe but she seems to tired to,

ok, i will try to answer this from a female point of view; if you want lingering sessions every time, then that can get boring for the wrong reasons- for instance, chocolate - its great and i love the stuff, but to have the exact same bar every single day? it would only be a matter of time before i couldnt stand the sight of it. same goes for long sex sessions. sometimes a person just doesnt have the energy, or maybe the time.

another thing to consider is chafing/discomfort. no matter how much lubracation is used, there can come a point where a girl is getting sore if there is lots of vigorous penetration. if that happens, it hurts the next day, which makes a girl even less likely to go for round 2 the next night.

if she is on hormonal contraceptive, it might have an impact on sex drive, some do, but some dont, as does depression and other medical causes but its not always the case.

if she is tired, then a quickie if she is up for it gives you both what you want - you did say in your OP that you want whatever kind of sex you can get?

wrote:

Or maybe she does not want to be treated like a vessel as you say.

i really dont see where i said that? if something i wrote is coming across like that, then thats not my intention.

LegacyUser

Sexmad wrote: »

Old dog. Thank you. Where did it go. Did you get back on rhythum

No, we didn't ever get it back, not for lack of trying on his part.

Where did it go? It went with the years, simple as that. We both changed - too much.
Amongst one circle of my friends (the 40 somethings) there isn't one of us who ended up with much interest in regular sex. Life became too busy and as we got older and more tired, sex became tedious and irrelevant. If I had a euro for each time I have heard one of them speak about dreading the night ahead because they know sex will be on their husbands agenda I would be a millionaire. It's either a case of get it over with till the next time or when I get into it it's alright, not amazing, just alright. It doesn't matter how many romantic weekends away are taken or how many sex toys are bought, how much porn watched or read or how many positions, variations etc are tried. It is still another household chore. I know that there are many women who will disagree but there are also many who will agree although maybe not aloud.

I have one friend whose mother is a district nurse in the UK. She told us how she used to make twice weekly visits to an old couple, man of 91 and his wife of 85. Normally, when she visited in the morning the husband would be in bed and the wife doing stuff around the house. One morning she arrived to find him in the kitchen singing away to himself and making his breakfast and his wife upstairs in bed. She commented on how unusual that was and he kept giggling. When she went up to the wife she queried as to what was wrong and the woman was nearly in tears saying, "I thought when we reached our age that he wouldn't want it and wouldn't be able to do it any more. He is wearing me out." I used to laugh at the image but at the same time my heart would sink at the thoughts of another 45+ years of that ahead of me.

I'm not trying to depress you or say that your wife feels the same, I'm just trying to give you a view of similar situations that I don't think many women will admit to.

I hope you manage to resolve things with your wife. You seem like a nice man.

Frei

I think it all comes down to communication. You seem to be approaching the subject with her so that is a start at least. Also, does she herself masturbate? To orgasm? It never ceases to surprise me how many women out there either don't masturbate at all or don't admit to it. I think it really helps, not only do women get to know what they like, but the more you do it the easier it is to climax. I'm female and I have always had a high sex drive, and I think that it's because I know my body so well and am used to having orgasms, it makes sex much more enjoyable and makes me want it more and more.