Dating site.... facebook... date, to soon, false hope?

LegacyUser

So I siigned up to a few dating sites recently, on one of them I got a short message about something in my profile. Site wont let me reply so I had a quick look on facebook for the name she signed of with, sent here a reply there. 1 or 2 mail later I added her, no biggies so far Got chatting to her last night and not only is she pretty cute she seems to very nice as well, and maybe a little big of a geek to

Obviously I wouldn't have replied to her message if i didnt think she was cute or atractive (I know shallow, but not much else to go on if there's a short profile) Luckily she turned out to appear to be nice and she didnt seem to get away from the chat. I know it's only the 1st time I've spoken to her (in a chat conv).

When is it not to soon to ask someone out? I don't know if she wants to or not but I don't want to seem to pushy or anything. Even just to meet her in person and get a feel for her in real life. I'm not sure if age might matter here a little bit, she's 4 years younger (22) than I am, it doesn't bother me.

Nulty

I'd say you should drop the old "We should get a cup of coffee some time." Then next time or the time after your talking to her "So do you want to get that cup of coffee?"

I'm obsessed with this coffee idea but it is the easiest way to ask her out in a nonformal way. This must be how Starbucks came to get so big!

Exclamation Marc

I'd wait a little while. Find out if she's met anyone before off the dating site and you may be able to find out in a roundabout way how long she took before she met someone else.

Thing is, she mailed you first so the ball really is in your court. I'd wait a couple of days, maybe a week at most (depending on how often you chat of course). The last thing you want to do is rush it. Keep all the fun chatting going on and if you get to a point in a couple of days where you know each other a good bit better and the chatting feels 'comfortable' than pop the coffee question that Nulty mentioned above.

But wait a couple of days if not a week, you don't want her thinking you meet people without knowing them well enough or rushing it. But if you chat a good bit in the next few days, then maybe ask at the weekend if she wants to go for a coffee

Otherwise, sounds great and its good that ya met someone ya like so much.

LegacyUser

So basically wait a bit longer at least.

Not chatted to her since, she was online yest but we didn't chat (was going to say hi but though maybe I'll wait till tomorrow).

Only problem with going for a coffee (or tea for that matter) is that I drink neither Lunch might be nice but I rather eat with someone I already know or someone I've gotten to know a little.

There's something on in one of the pubs in town that she said looked good, i suggested it as an alternative to what she mailed me about initially.

Exclamation Marc

SoHereGoes wrote: »

So basically wait a bit longer at least.

Not chatted to her since, she was online yest but we didn't chat (was going to say hi but though maybe I'll wait till tomorrow).

Only problem with going for a coffee (or tea for that matter) is that I drink neither Lunch might be nice but I rather eat with someone I already know or someone I've gotten to know a little.

There's something on in one of the pubs in town that she said looked good, i suggested it as an alternative to what she mailed me about initially.

Nice move seeing her online and not chatting and leaving until tomorrow, its a good move Talking to her every two days is a good move, it shows you're interested but not dependant

How about Starbucks, do you drink any mochafrappaiceywhatchamacallits?

I understand the lunch thing, nobody likes getting messy with someone they're trying to impress, just yet

Just try to make sure that the first time you meet, you keep the alcohol intake down. I know people would disagree with me but I always feel being sober is best on a first meet, just makes it a lot more real and not an experience based on dutch courage.

If somethings been mentioned in a pub in town and there's been interest on her end in it, then that's a great idea, you could always drop in a "yeah i fancy going to this thing, why don't ya come with me?"

Good luck OP

IrishEyes19

I wouldnt just say perhaps we should have coffee something, because her reaction will be to say if positive. Ya sure that would be nice or something along those lines. Meaning the Op will have to ask her again.

Id most likely say "would you like to meet up for coffee perhaps this weekend?

it gives her the idea that first of all he's interested and second, some form of a time commitment. if she says she's busy, but is interested. Then answer back. No probs, how about sometime during the week.

and then a few days later, text or message her with a suggested day

LegacyUser

Got chatting to her again lastnight, was really tempted to ask her to meet up! Curious as to what she's like compared to chatting online...

I never in my life have drank any coffee at all, no intention to either after 27 years without, but with this cold a hot chocolate would be nice

I'm sort of in 2 minds about meeting for a drink, can't think of a quiet place and I hate trying to talk with someone when there's pub noise, on the other hand it might lead to a good night.

I'll see if she's online at any stage at all tonight and I might ask her to meet for a coffee somewhere near where she lives. Turns out we work relatively near each other though.

Just thinking this is the 1st time I'll be meeting someone or asking them out before having ever met them in person The few times I've been with a girl it's always been friend of a friend.

LighterGuy

As for "coffee" - it doesnt always have to be coffee You can do anything that gives off an impression of a short relaxed meet but where two people can communicate. Heck, you could ask a girl to meet for ice cream if you chamed / phrased it the right way :pac:

As for getting a pint?
Yes you have to pick the right pub. There are many pubs in Dublin's city centre that are quiet pubs. (I call them old man pubs :pac:) But there are even trendy places that just arent noisey pubs.

And dont worry about the fact this is the first time you ever asked someone out without meeting them. Meeting people online is become more and more common these days. It'll never replace meeting in the real world. But it will become more and more common.


So give her one for me op. lol. :pac:

end communcation :P

MRBEAVER

Just ask her if she wants to meet up. and stop obsessing. You can only tell so much from chatting online. Either she might be interested and will agree to meet or she is not interested and will say no. Either way you know where to stand. It is not "too soon"

LegacyUser

So I got chatting to her Thursday, asked her did she want to meet up for a coffee fri/sat. She did but she's away this weekend so it will have to be after the weekend, will see can we agree something after the weekend.