todd fights

dr ro

Our 4 year old started Montessori in sept. He's generally a good natured kid and never had any behavioural issues in the 3 years with the childminder(lots of other kids of all ages including friends). But since starting school we've been spoken to quite a bit about trouble between himself and 2-3 other boys. There is history with 2 boys, in that they seem to be quite aggressive and want to play boxing or wrestling. Our fella says to them that he doesn't want to, and suggests playing something else. We've seen this happening outside of school, in the playground but it tends to end up in wrestling anyway and in fairness he's capable of holding his own in wrestling matches that we've let go, monitored, just as boys horseplay. We do instill into him that hitting is not allowed and that if he hits someone that he'll be in trouble. If he's hit in school he's to go to his teacher. We are also aware that all these kids are getting used to new situations and are testing boundaries and will probably settle down once familiar with each other. It's happened now that he has been punched in the face and hasn't reacted. Probably out of shock more than fear of getting into trouble. We both feel that he shouldn't retaliate but also that he shouldn't be a punch bag as this will only encourage (don't want to call anyone bullies here as they're only 4, but left unchecked, there's definitely potential) others! Does anyone have experience of how to direct a 4 year old in this situation. There seems to be plenty of opportunity in the school, not sure about the supervision. Our childminder has expressed this opinion also but that's a sidenote to the issue. Thanks.

Cat Melodeon

I would DEFINITELY speak to the teacher about this, maybe even put it in writing. Wrestling and fighting should not be allowed in the playground. Apart from the very obvious health and safety dangers, as you pointed out yourself, tests of physical strength can set a culture of violence and bullying within a peer group.

It would be perfectly reasonable to ask the teacher (and the school) to install a 'no wrestling' policy at playtime and on the school grounds in general, across all age groups. Point out that even though your son can fend well for himself, he still got punched in the face and feels intimidated by the others. How must weaker children feel?

I would also express my concerns about the level of supervision - no horseplay is allowed in our local primary school = don't see why Montessori should be any different. 4-year olds shouldn't be left to fend for themselves.

lynski

What are the other parents doing when the horseplay is happening?
I have a nearly 4yr old, just started montessori and he loves wrestling or play fighting. This happens everyday after montessori in the grounds with a few other children, I let them off unless someone looks like they are uncomfortable or unhappy. When we go out around our estate there are a few older children and they definitely pick on my lad because he is younger and not able to deal with they very well. They took his shoes off the last day and only I was there they were gone over a wall something. I avoid going out around there now, until he is able to deal with it better.
It is supervision, if it is happening during school-time, then the teacher needs to break it up and I would be surprised if they did not. If it is outside of school time I would never hesitate to verballing correct someone else's child if they are trespassing on my child, deal with the parent afterwards if there is a problem; this has never happened to me.