Texts from other girl

LegacyUser

With my bf nearly 3 years, expecting a baby at the end of November.

Just to give some context to what happened. We are pretty open in our relationship, use each others phones, use each others facebook accounts (mainly to look after each others Mafia Wars) etc. So it's it's not unusual for us to answer each others phone calls etc.

We were in the car yesterday and he was driving when a text came through & he asked me to read it. It was a message from a girl I've never heard of wishing him a happy birthday, she signed it lots of love and threw in a couple of x's. I told him what it said and asked who it was. He then grabbed the phone from me and put it down on the far side of him. He said it was just one of the girls. I said what girls, I've never heard of her before in all the time we've been together and he said just a a girl from Home, I thought it strange that someone he obviously never sees or talks to is sending him loves & kisses, he said she has a boyfriend & he seemed to be getting a bit defensive so I left it. He was very protective of his phone for the rest of the day, never left his side and he seemed to be texting quite a bit.

This morning I noticed she posted on his facebook page too so curiosity got the better of me and I checked out her page. It doesn't look like she has a boyfriend at all, every second picture is her with another guy and there is no relationship status on it.

My BF has lots of female friends that I have met and I've become friends with a lot of them also. If it was one of them I would think nothing of it. I just find it strange that it is some random girl all of a sudden.

I don't know if I'm being paranoid or not but it has really unsettled me. I thought we were solid but not I'm not so sure

LighterGuy

Hmmmm,
I can see why you are second guessing certain things now.

It could just be nothing but a friend but his behaviour is unusal.
I would suggest digging around a bit more. His behaviour warrents it I think. Its the type of thing that you dont want going on in the back of your mind.

Its best to get closure on this one. It probably would be best to find out if she really does have a boyfriend. Because is she does not then you know your boyfriend is clearly lying.

jessiejam

Was in a similar situation a couple of years back.
He insisted she was just a friend
Way too many texts and keeping the phone in his pocket etc to be just a friend I thought.
So bit the bullet got her number and rang her.
She confirmed they were just friends met through work. Turned out she was married, I even spoke to the husband and he confirmed all of this. She was also pregnant with their second child.!

Felt like a complete stalker afterwards, but it gave my head peace!
If he won't answer your questions and give you a reasonable explaination, i would dig deeper. Otherwise it will eat away at you and every time his phone beeps, your heart will miss a beat!

Just one other point, gut feeling with this one is it may have been an ex girlfriend that just remembered his birthday, or you know the way these things are plastered all over FB. If he had anything to hide, he probably wouldn't have asked you to read the text in the first place, and it may have taken him by surprise as well as you. He can't help who texts. What would bug me is his reaction to it. This would be more of an issue for me than anything

LighterGuy

jessiejam wrote: »

.....What would bug me is his reaction to it. This would be more of an issue for me than anything....

I agree 100%. It seems that by sharing his phone and facebook (etc) it appears he should be trusted. But this reaction doesnt sit well.

My commonsense tells me that he wants to hide this girl. The question is why? ... which doesnt look good when you think about it.

LegacyUser

Had something similar this summer and in my opinion you should ask him again whether there's anything going on or not I think that it's inapproprate for her to be sending rubbishy texts like that. If you ask him straight out he should have no probs telling you the truth. A good dig might be no harm too.

thefeatheredcat

jessiejam wrote: »

Just one other point, gut feeling with this one is it may have been an ex girlfriend that just remembered his birthday, or you know the way these things are plastered all over FB. If he had anything to hide, he probably wouldn't have asked you to read the text in the first place, and it may have taken him by surprise as well as you. He can't help who texts. What would bug me is his reaction to it. This would be more of an issue for me than anything

OP,

my gut feeling says it's an ex from way before you that ended badly (for him, getting screwed over), and if not an ex-girlfriend then someone he used to be friends with or held a flame for. Or an estranged family member?

I'd get this one out in the open but be patient with him, don't push him too hard that he clams up about it.

I doubt you have anything to worry about really - his reaction could have been out of shock/surprise that this girl has been in contact and hence the defensiveness. If she's a girl from his home town, maybe his folks/friends know something about it?

Don't see her as a threat though - after all he's with you so put some trust in him. He seems to be quite comfortable being open with you on other things, so I would say in time he will be upfront with you on this.

grizzly

It sounds like she's into him and he knows she is. But does this mean he'll act on it? Maybe you should trust him until evidence points otherwise. If you go poking around you may damage what you have now.

Johnny Bitte

I would sit him down and tell him how you can't stop thinking about it and can he just tell you who this person is?
You obviously trust each other a lot, so he should be able to tell you what is going on.

If this does not resolve things then look into ringing her etc.

LegacyUser

I don't really think it's an ex, he's told me about his two significant previous relationships (and I've met them, he's from a small town so hard to avoid people) so I'm sure if it was someone of note I would know her.

I don't know if I've maybe left it go on a bit too long now, if I bring it up again it might seem like I'm making a massive deal out of it.

Maybe it's just hormones making me paranoid but it just doesn't feel right and it's making me worry

ilovefridays

jessiejam wrote: »

Just one other point, gut feeling with this one is it may have been an ex girlfriend that just remembered his birthday, or you know the way these things are plastered all over FB. If he had anything to hide, he probably wouldn't have asked you to read the text in the first place, and it may have taken him by surprise as well as you. He can't help who texts. What would bug me is his reaction to it. This would be more of an issue for me than anything

this is exactly what i thought too, could be an ex-girlfriend that remembered his b'day. i wouldnt let it bother ya. if he allows you to go through his phone and FB then he's obviously nothing to hide.

vicecreamsundae

for the fact that he is so open with you and lets you read his texts and access his facebook etc i wouldnt worry about it. i'd say for some reason he just doesnt want to talk about her. if the texts keep up, just be honest and ask him whats the story. but if its just the one off birthday texts then dont even watse time thinking about it.

R.D. aka MR.D

I've found that there are some girls in this world who are all 'lots of love and kisses' despite whether the guy has a girlfriend or not. I honestly think it's an attention thing with some girls. So don't worry about that part.

I would worry about his reaction. Is he still being secretive? If so don't mention that particular instance but maybe ask is there some wrong? etc etc

SHH

He's cheating on you, definitely.

I am a friend

I am all for openness and honesty as long as both parties are acting that way. I don't normally advocate snooping but you need to know the facts here. I am not saying he is cheating but he is acting weird given his previous openness.

If it were me and I were 8 months pregnant with his kid then I would check his phone bill to see how many texts are being exchanged. They you will have more info to go on....

tbh

"Hey <his name> look I'm sorry I'm bringing this up again, but I'm sure you can see why I'd be a bit curious about this - exactly what's the story with you and this girl again? There's nothing going on, right?"

seenitall

tbh wrote: »

"Hey <his name> look I'm sorry I'm bringing this up again, but I'm sure you can see why I'd be a bit curious about this - exactly what's the story with you and this girl again? There's nothing going on, right?"

In an ideal world, this would be the ideal thing to say. In the real world, it is highly likely that it will be pointless and solve exactly nothing.

IF he is up to no good (and it is a big if), he has absolutely no incentive to own up to it. If I was suspecting my OH of cheating while I was 8 months pregnant, somehow him saying: "No love, there is nothing going on, how could you even think it?" would do very little for me, tbh

OP, try to relax as much as you can and not think about it too much. I think if something is going on, it will come to light sooner or later, especially as he is obviously very careless when it comes to his mobile etc. Just look after yourself and the baby, that's your priority now.

Best wishes!

spinandscribble

I think you have a right to question it given his reaction. Girls and to an extent guys who send these silly hugs and kisses texts are troublesome. The way i see it, why put them in texts unless you'd give them in reality? its stupid.