Gave a guy my number, i have a boyfriend

basecamp1

Let me start by saying that i have a wonderful boyfriend, i cannot think of one bad thing to say about him and our relationship has been totally free of game playing etc. its the best relationship iv ever had, we've been going out 8months.

However...i was out on a girly nite with one of my girlfriends. we met a group of 3 lads and had the laugh with them, no flirting, just banter between all 5 of us. its not like the two of us had paired up with two of them or anything. so after chatting for a while, my self and my girlfriend decided to move on to another club. we told this to the guys and one of them said, sure give us ur number and we'll give you a text and see where you are. my friend didnt have her phone out so i exchanged numbers. i didnt hear from the boys for the rest of the night, had a great nite out with my friend and totally forgot that id even given the number.

fast forward the next day and i get a txt from the boy of the previous nite. the way my boyfriend and i are lying, he sees the text, as it was in his line of vision, he wasnt checking up on me. i explained the whole situation in the same manner as iv just done here. he says he knows i wouldnt two time him but he thinks that im giving out an impression to boys. that this fella wouldnt have text me the next day unless he thougth he was in with a chance. i couldnt necessarily disagree with that but said that whatever impression he got, was unintentional on my part and i was not aware of givning that impression.

im just really worried he wont trust me now or that he'll retaliate or that iv introduced game playing into our relationship. he has been very quiet since. iv told him i would never do anything to jepordise our relationship, but that mayb i was guilty of bad judgement. i promised him that i would never do the dirt, or give my phone number out again. after my explaination i also said that if he had any other doubts or questions to speak to me about it again. im not going to bring it up again and just let him cool down in his own time and space (within reason)

my question is...have i done enough to explain the situation and convince him that there was nothing untoward about it? do you think he will retaliate. do you think he will trust me again?

Giblet

You didn't do anything wrong, tell the guy you have a boyfriend, or just don't text back at all. Your boyfriend might be a little hurt that you met some randomer on a night out and felt you had to give out your number, but if you are honest in your intentions, any well meaning guy should get over it quickly enough.
Relax, you had no intention of doing anything wrong.

basecamp1

thanks, i deleted the number and message straight away and have no intention of replying

LegacyUser

It sounds to me that this incident has exposed a part of your feelings about your relationship with your current boyfriend that show's perhaps that your feelings are not quite as strong as you think?

Point in case being how easily you gave out your number to a guy who wanted to meet up with you in another club later... All it would have taken was a simple "I don't think my boyfriend would be happy with me giving out my number", end of story, but instead it appears to me that you did not give him(your bf) a second thought, and again casually brushed it off to your bf the next day when this single guy text you back..

Your bf going quite means he is having his serious doubts about trusting you so you have some work to do to regain this trust, that is if he is willing to stick around with you...

basecamp1

yes but there had been no flirting etc prior to this, and the fella looked for either my friend or my number so i didnt think that there was anything behind it. i am guilty of bad judgement and not thinking of what my bf would think about it i suppose. but i feel so so bad now, and i'll never do it again. it was inappropriate behaviour, but i think i would question my feelings towards him if i didnt care about what he thought. my response or explaination to him was not casual and i did not brush it off. i took it very seriously, sincerely apologised, admitted i was wrong, and told him to talk to me about other doubts he had. but i cant take it back.

LegacyUser

The seed has been planted "i promised him that i would never do the dirt, or give my phone number out again. after my explaination i also said that if he had any other doubts or questions to speak to me about it again"

So you have a bit of work to do with your bf who it now appears has become a bit withdrawn from you...

Giblet

Nonumbers wrote: »

It sounds to me that this incident has exposed a part of your feelings about your relationship with your current boyfriend that show's perhaps that your feelings are not quite as strong as you think?

Point in case being how easily you gave out your number to a guy who wanted to meet up with you in another club later... All it would have taken was a simple "I don't think my boyfriend would be happy with me giving out my number", end of story, but instead it appears to me that you did not give him(your bf) a second thought, and again casually brushed it off to your bf the next day when this single guy text you back..

Your bf going quite means he is having his serious doubts about trusting you so you have some work to do to regain this trust, that is if he is willing to stick around with you...

I think you are reading far too much into it.

basecamp1

NoNumbers wrote: »

The seed has been planted "i promised him that i would never do the dirt, or give my phone number out again. after my explaination i also said that if he had any other doubts or questions to speak to me about it again"

So you have a bit of work to do with your bf who it now appears has become a bit withdrawn from you...

Well this only happened yesterday so i think its too early to tell if he is withdrawn, but id imagine he's mulling it over in his head. What seed? The seed of doubt. yes it probably has been planted unfortunately. but im confident i'll be able to prove im trustworthy given time. i wont do that again, and iv never done anything like it before so i cant see why id start now.

LighterGuy

basecamp1 wrote: »

...... he says he knows i wouldnt two time him but he thinks that im giving out an impression to boys. that this fella wouldnt have text me the next day unless he thougth he was in with a chance. i couldnt necessarily disagree with that but said that whatever impression he got, was unintentional on my part and i was not aware of givning that impression.
.....

Maybe you didnt give off an impression but if any guy gets a girls number on a night out they will assume they have a shot.
Personally I think while in a relationship a partner should not give out their number to any anyone of the opposite sex who is a randomer. I think it speaks volumes about the relationship and is often warning signals.


However Op I dont think so in your case I just think you gave your number out of friendly intentions. As for the problem with your boyfriend?

See heres the thing many a partner has gave out their number with intentions. But claiming "oh they are just my friend" - this actuallys makes a true story such as yours hard to believe. But hopefully you're bf will be alright in a few days. Just give him time

fungun

although you have explained it fine, i would prob feel a little odd about it tbf. I mean if you were chatting to a guy on the bus and he asked for your number you would prob tell him where to go. Id be slightly jealous thinking you liked the guy on a night out enough to give him your number....enough to make him think of the chance of there being more

Its a common issue though....woman being friendly....guy takes it as the possibility for more. Sounds like you just need to raise your awareness a little and if you have said this to him there is little more you can do. Be nice and attentive to him for a few days and he will prob snap out of it

thefeatheredcat

In hindsight you obviously shouldn't have given the number at all, just said, no sorry don't give out phone numbers (and have a boyfriend) and said maybe see you over there. There was really no necessity to give the phone number, chances are you wouldn't have even noticed a text in a busy/loud club anyway and would have run into the guys at the bar if they had been there.

But you can't turn back time, so learn from this - this is part of the learning curve of a relationship.

If your boyfriend is secure in himself, trusts you and is confident in your relationship then everything will be fine and I doubt he would 'retaliate'.

I think he's more upset that you gave out your number so easily and yes, it does give out the impression of something else (why else would you give out your phone number to a random stranger you've just met??), and you're only lucky that your boyfriend listened to you at all and took your honesty for face value.

Put this behind you and look forward in your relationship, give your boyfriend reassurance in complete honesty with nights out with the girls...he could get a bit wary of you doing this again, but I think he's been decent about it and does trust you.

tinkerbell

OP, in fairness - you give out your phone number to a guy on a night out and wonder why your boyfriend isn't speaking to you? You have a boyfriend, you should not be leading a guy on when out in a nightclub, regardless of whether your friend has her phone on her or not. I mean you giving out your number makes the guy think "oh I've got a chance with this wan!"

I'm in a relationship, and have been for a long time. When I'm out and if a guy approaches me, I just say "sorry, not interested". I have no interest in making small talk with a guy when I am in a relationship and there is no point in me being polite and nice to him and thus wasting his time coz he thinks he's in with a chance. Let him use his time chatting up someone who is interested, I see no point in letting a guy think for a second that he could be in with a chance with me. Some people would think that as rude, however I think of it that I would not want to waste someone's valuable time! And if I was out with a bunch of girls and one of them met a guy, I would no way in hell give out my number, even if my friend didn't have her phone on her. That's her problem - no random guy is getting my number.

OP - apologise for acting like a dumbass, and don't do it again. You did wrong but at least you didn't actually cheat on him. Yes he'll be hurt but cop onto yourself and don't be so foolish in the future.

up for anything

tinkerbell wrote: »

OP, in fairness - you give out your phone number to a guy on a night out and wonder why your boyfriend isn't speaking to you? You have a boyfriend, you should not be leading a guy on when out in a nightclub, regardless of whether your friend has her phone on her or not. I mean you giving out your number makes the guy think "oh I've got a chance with this wan!"

I'm in a relationship, and have been for a long time. When I'm out and if a guy approaches me, I just say "sorry, not interested". I have no interest in making small talk with a guy when I am in a relationship and there is no point in me being polite and nice to him and thus wasting his time coz he thinks he's in with a chance. Let him use his time chatting up someone who is interested, I see no point in letting a guy think for a second that he could be in with a chance with me. Some people would think that as rude, however I think of it that I would not want to waste someone's valuable time! And if I was out with a bunch of girls and one of them met a guy, I would no way in hell give out my number, even if my friend didn't have her phone on her. That's her problem - no random guy is getting my number.

OP - apologise for acting like a dumbass, and don't do it again. You did wrong but at least you didn't actually cheat on him. Yes he'll be hurt but cop onto yourself and don't be so foolish in the future.

Mountain out of molehill and so self-righteous with it.

OP, tell your boyfriend to cop on and stop sulking and ask him where is the trust. If he is going to start magnifying the incident at least you are seeing his true colours.

Maguined

Exactly what was written in this text might have a big influence in this? A simple "hey how are you? remember me?" will have far less impact on your boyfriends worries then "hey i had a really great time last night, do you want to meet up again?"

Would you find it easy to get over if the roles were reversed and you found a text from a woman when you boyfriend when out with the lads one night? Would there be anything your boyfriend could say or do to remove the doubt that he may have been flirting with the girl on the night?

Exclamation Marc

up for anything wrote: »

Mountain out of molehill and so self-righteous with it.

OP, tell your boyfriend to cop on and stop sulking and ask him where is the trust. If he is going to start magnifying the incident at least you are seeing his true colours.

I don't think its as straight forward as "telling the bf to cop on and start questioning the trust" and in fairness that could just start a new ream of issues.

Questions may be running through his head of "is she telling me the truth", "would she have told me if I hadn't of seen it", questions which he's entitled to ask himself, and you can't just determine that he has trust issues and these are his true colours. Remember, he found out about the texts, it wasnt as if she came to him with it. There's a huge difference.

Aggressively dismissing him like that is very indicative of a defence mechanism and turning the whole situation on him would cause more problems and to be honest it could sound to him like she's sidestepping the issue. You've no idea if he's the kind of guy who would react well or not to it being turned back on him, so creating a new problem is not recommended.

OP is guilty of poor judgement but her intentions are clear that she didn't mean it. All you can do is get past the blip and continue to treat your boyfriend well and let him know how happy you are in the relationship. You seem very committed and time will build up or repair the minor dent in your boyfriends trust. You've explained it, so try to put it behind ya

basecamp1

Thanks for the considered advice. In relation to never speaking to guys in a club cos i have a boyfriend, i think that is ridiculous. where is the trust if you cant go on a night out and have a few friendly chats. i overstepped the line mistakenly and i accept that, by giving my number, and i'll never do it again, but im not going to cut off any fella that ever comes near me in a night club. i think thats rude. i like talking to different people and i've always done it, and iv never cheated, and never been in a situation where iv given out my number before either. id hate to think that you have to give up being sociable and friendly towards the other sex when ur in a relationship. i know that my boyfriend chats away to girls on a night out and it doesnt bother me at all cos i trust him (you have to dont you)

you're right i would have been very annoyed if the situation had been reversed and he had given his number out. But i've learned, iv felt so bad about it, it was all i could think about yesterday, but i think he'll give me the benefit of the doubt. also he has evidence that i was definitely in the club on my own with my girlfriend and wasnt near any boys so that should put his mind at rest.

however i wouldnt dream of telling him to cop on, i think he was perfectly entitled to question me and to expect an explaination and to also be annoyed.

LegacyUser

Just to use the example and to generalise a bit;

Guy chats to girl in club, has a great laugh, guy thinks "nice one, she mite be into me", guy get's phone number easily, thinks "now i know she is into me!" and no mention of a boyfriend he thinks "im in there!"

While I'm not saying girls should just turn there head's and be ignorant, I think this simple statement should be applied: "I have a boyfriend, and you have no chance"

It would save a guys valuable time rather than he spending hours thinking he is onto a winner, only to be shot down at the end of the night when he could have been chatting to a single girl..

So come on girls, be upfront, dont waste a guys valuable time and give the single girls a chance!

Bottle_of_Smoke

It can be irking for a boyfriend to observe something like that.

However a reasonable man will only make a big deal out of it if it is part of a pattern.

nonumbers wrote:

''It sounds to me that this incident has exposed a part of your feelings about your relationship with your current boyfriend that show's perhaps that your feelings are not quite as strong as you think?

Well she said she took the number as her single friend had no phone. Was a matter of practicality. Would look like a loon if she refused

in case being how easily you gave out your number to a guy who wanted to meet up with you in another club later... All it would have taken was a simple "I don't think my boyfriend would be happy with me giving out my number", end of story, but instead it appears to me that you did not give him(your bf) a second thought, and again casually brushed it off to your bf the next day when this single guy text you back..

I think this is very conservative and if a girl did that to me I'd find it incredibly rude and assumative. Fair enough if a guy is obviously trying it on a girl in a relationship should not give him her number, but that wasn't the case here.

going quite means he is having his serious doubts about trusting you so you have some work to do to regain this trust, that is if he is willing to stick around with you... ''

No no no no... Doing work to regain his trust makes her look guilty. She did nothing wrong.

Bottle_of_Smoke

No time Waste wrote: »

Just to use the example and to generalise a bit;

Guy chats to girl in club, has a great laugh, guy thinks "nice one, she mite be into me", guy get's phone number easily, thinks "now i know she is into me!" and no mention of a boyfriend he thinks "im in there!"

While I'm not saying girls should just turn there head's and be ignorant, I think this simple statement should be applied: "I have a boyfriend, and you have no chance"
It would save a guys valuable time rather than he spending hours thinking he is onto a winner, only to be shot down at the end of the night when he could have been chatting to a single girl..

So come on girls, be upfront, dont waste a guys valuable time and give the single girls a chance!

Agree with general principle but that bolded line is just a bit kunt-ish. And its the kind of thing that causes after hours threads about how foreign women are easier to talk to than Irish ones!

I think in these scenarios the person in a relationship should mention their girl/boyfriend in passing somewhere earlyish in the conversation.

The reason people don't is they don't want to lose the attention of the person they're chatting too. I've been at parties in the past when I wasn't single, where I'm having a great chat with a girl, but once I mentioned that I had a girlfriend they'd make excuses and talk to someone else, and I've heard men are terrible for that too

LegacyUser

being upfront and honest and saying you have a Bf is kuntish?

Obviously you have not expierienced some of the put downs guys get in clubs?

Or even not getting a put down, just looked up and down as if you were dog poo just because you had the audactity to say hello to a nice looking girl?

The whole essence of my point is that so valuable time is not lost chating to someone in a relationship...


If i thought someone would walk away from you because you said you were in a relationship then maybe you were giving a single girl/guy a false impression of you(that you were single and intested) and would rather lead them on in thinking you were single?

tinkerbell

basecamp1 wrote: »

Thanks for the considered advice. In relation to never speaking to guys in a club cos i have a boyfriend, i think that is ridiculous. where is the trust if you cant go on a night out and have a few friendly chats. i overstepped the line mistakenly and i accept that, by giving my number, and i'll never do it again, but im not going to cut off any fella that ever comes near me in a night club. i think thats rude. i like talking to different people and i've always done it, and iv never cheated, and never been in a situation where iv given out my number before either. id hate to think that you have to give up being sociable and friendly towards the other sex when ur in a relationship. i know that my boyfriend chats away to girls on a night out and it doesnt bother me at all cos i trust him (you have to dont you)

I said nothing about not being friendly and unsociable when I'm out. And also it is nothing to do with trust either! Why would I have any interest to make small talk with strangers when I'm out with my friends and / or boyfriend in a night club where people are drunk / trying to chat people up, etc. If they say hello, I will say hello back but that's the end of it. If friends of mine are chatting with a bunch of lads they just met and are trying to get with them or whatever, I would just be polite. If someone is blatantly trying to chat me up, I just would tell him that I'm in a relationship and am not interested.

I mean what's the point of being friendly all night to a guy which obviously leads him to think that he's well in there, and then at the end of the night when he asks for your number, you're like "oh sorry I have a boyfriend!" Well, you're just after completely wasting that guy's night when he could be spending his time chatting up a girl who IS interested. It's not being rude. It's being considerate up front rather than just wasting their time!

I think it is completely different if you are approached when by yourself or somebody is blatantly trying to chat you up, than if your friend is getting chatted up and you just happen to get talking to the friend of the guy she's getting with.

Also, someone mentioned that it would've been rude not to give out her number. Her friend just met this guy on a night out, they don't know anything about him. He could be a nutcase for all they knew! And she gives out her phone number. I wouldn't give out my number to a randomer for anybody. If they think I'm odd, well that's their problem - her friend could easily have said "we're going to X pub" and he could have met her there. If the friend wants to go giving out her contact details, then let her do that herself rather than making her friend do it.

Anyway, OP - I'm glad that you realise your boyfriend has a right to be annoyed at you. Just learn from this and don't be so naive in the future. That's all - just have a bit of cop on next time, think before you hand out your number to random guys because your friend forgot her phone. As you say yourself, you would've been upset if your boyfriend had done what you did.

chainsaws

basecamp1 wrote: »

Let me start by saying that i have a wonderful boyfriend, i cannot think of one bad thing to say about him and our relationship has been totally free of game playing etc. its the best relationship iv ever had, we've been going out 8months.

However...i was out on a girly nite with one of my girlfriends. we met a group of 3 lads and had the laugh with them, no flirting, just banter between all 5 of us. its not like the two of us had paired up with two of them or anything. so after chatting for a while, my self and my girlfriend decided to move on to another club. we told this to the guys and one of them said, sure give us ur number and we'll give you a text and see where you are. my friend didnt have her phone out so i exchanged numbers. i didnt hear from the boys for the rest of the night, had a great nite out with my friend and totally forgot that id even given the number.

fast forward the next day and i get a txt from the boy of the previous nite. the way my boyfriend and i are lying, he sees the text, as it was in his line of vision, he wasnt checking up on me. i explained the whole situation in the same manner as iv just done here. he says he knows i wouldnt two time him but he thinks that im giving out an impression to boys. that this fella wouldnt have text me the next day unless he thougth he was in with a chance. i couldnt necessarily disagree with that but said that whatever impression he got, was unintentional on my part and i was not aware of givning that impression.

im just really worried he wont trust me now or that he'll retaliate or that iv introduced game playing into our relationship. he has been very quiet since. iv told him i would never do anything to jepordise our relationship, but that mayb i was guilty of bad judgement. i promised him that i would never do the dirt, or give my phone number out again. after my explaination i also said that if he had any other doubts or questions to speak to me about it again. im not going to bring it up again and just let him cool down in his own time and space (within reason)

my question is...have i done enough to explain the situation and convince him that there was nothing untoward about it? do you think he will retaliate. do you think he will trust me again?

Hi OP
Your boyfriend is being totally unfair and unrealistic.
You are a young attractive woman and any number of men could replace your boyfriend in a flash, as nice and all as he usually is to you.
He needs to grow up and realize that you are entitled to go out and have fun with your friends and just because guys are attracted to you, like that guy you met clearly was, this doesn't mean you will jump into bed at the drop of a hat.
Surely before you met and your boyfriend was single he must have tried it on with women got their numbers and found out they had boyfriends, were engaged or married?
I meet women in clubs all the time who tell me they were seeing someone but still gave me their number and persuaded them to come home with me.
Most women have boyfriends anyway because the simple truth if that very few attractive women are ever single and have had a string of boyfriends and male admirers since they were 15 years old. If they meet a man they like who is a better prospect than their boyfriend they will drop their current boyfriend like a hot potato and run off with the new guy. That's basic biology.
But if every boyfriend or husband believed his girlfriend or wife would sleep with another man at the drop of a hat, women wouldn't be let out of the house.
Maybe in Afghanistan they stone women for smiling at the wrong man.:D
You are loyal to your boyfriend and he should count himself lucky to have someone like you.
Tell him to grow up.:) He has to deal with the fact that he can lose you to another man at anytime so he really has to shape up or ship out.
He needs to work harder to keep you or next time when temptation comes along you might take a guy up on his better offer.

fungun

He has to deal with the fact that he can lose you to another man at anytime so he really has to shape up or ship out.
He needs to work harder to keep you or next time when temptation comes along you might take a guy up on his better offer.

er.....hardly the basis for a functioning balanced relationship, and hardly appropriate advice considering the OP said "Let me start by saying that i have a wonderful boyfriend, i cannot think of one bad thing to say about him and our relationship has been totally free of game playing etc. its the best relationship iv ever had, we've been going out 8months."

Exclamation Marc

chainsaws wrote: »

any number of men could replace your boyfriend in a flash, as nice and all as he usually is to you.

Ok, we'll call this point #1

chainsaws wrote: »

I meet women in clubs all the time who tell me they were seeing someone but still gave me their number and persuaded them to come home with me.

So that makes it ok for people to cheat, give out numbers and sleep with other people who are in relationships? Because everyone is doing it apparently?

chainsaws wrote: »

But if every boyfriend or husband believed his girlfriend or wife would sleep with another man at the drop of a hat, women wouldn't be let out of the house.

Refer back to point #1, are you not simply contradicting yourself?

chainsaws wrote: »

Tell him to grow up.:) He has to deal with the fact that he can lose you to another man at anytime so he really has to shape up or ship out.
He needs to work harder to keep you or next time when temptation comes along you might take a guy up on his better offer.

This is the most baffingly awful advice I've ever heard from anyone. What exactly has the boyfriend done wrong here? The girl has no issue with the boyfriend or anything he has done, she's merely looking for advice on what she has done.

Christ almighty, what sort of relationship is that if both parties need to be fully aware that they can be replaced at any moment, seemingly at the drop of a hat if temptation comes along soon????

"He needs to work harder to keep you"??? Have you even read the original post?

Please OP, just ignore this awful post.

basecamp1

I wont be taking your advice Chainsaws, while i thank you for it, and its always nice to look at thing from a different perspective, but im not sure i would find a replacement for my boyfriend at the drop of a hat. I'm am fully admitting that what i did was wrong, even if it was unintentional. i think that if you are in a relationship with someone, you should truely believe that there is no one better out there for you. why else would you stay in the relationship, surely that would be settling for second best, would it not?

chainsaws

basecamp1 wrote: »

I wont be taking your advice Chainsaws, while i thank you for it, and its always nice to look at thing from a different perspective, but im not sure i would find a replacement for my boyfriend at the drop of a hat. I'm am fully admitting that what i did was wrong, even if it was unintentional. i think that if you are in a relationship with someone, you should truely believe that there is no one better out there for you. why else would you stay in the relationship, surely that would be settling for second best, would it not?

I don't believe in happy ever after.
There is no so such thing as true love because if our lives were slightly different and we never met our girlfriend or boyfriend or future spouse - we didn't go out that night and stayed home instead or we didn't take that holiday and meet them on the beac etc - we would simply meet someone else instead.
When a couple are together they can easily fall apart again if they both don't work at it no matter how in love they were when they first met.
The temptation to cheat is always always there no matter how long a couple have been together or married and you can easily fall out of love with someone and easily fall in love with someone else.
A guy who thinks he is happily married might be unaware that his wife is having sex with another man while he is at work and he thinks she is alone minding the kids.
A husband can only be sure he is the real father of his kids only because his wife says so.
Obviously he can't get a DNA test and risk showing her he doesn't trust her.
A man sees beautiful women everywhere he goes and married men in the their late 50's still get erections when they meet their daughter's college friends.
Most don't act on it but some do.
Every single day could make or break the relationship.
Love is hard work and nobody can take anything for granted.
If a husband or wife is not attentive or loving enough, it can cause their other half to stray.
Lot's of women lose interest in sex after having kids and their husband often cannot help himself from cheating if he hasn't had sex for years.
A man who is overworked, is too tired to have sex and has gained weight becomes less attractive to a woman who might find herself falling for a much younger guy.
A girl who has been going out with the same guy since she was in school and has only had sex with him, might wonder what it might be like to be with another man.
People are human not angels.
Thats the point I'm trying to make.

S23

Completely irrelvant to what the OP asked. Just a big load of waffle that has nothing to do with the point of the thread.

You were silly OP and you know not to do it again. I'm sure you and your boyfriend will be fine if you both have had a steady, stable and happy relationship up until now.

basecamp1

while i dont necessarily agree in happily ever after for everyone, it does happen to some people.

I also dont agree with the one person in the world for everyone and soul mates, i think there are many people in the world that one may be compatible with but we end up meeting certain people and fall for them.

while i dont disagree with you that many men and womens eyes wonder, they cheat, they Fanaticise about others etc., not everyone cheats, and not everyone sets out to cheat. also i dont thing peopel are going around constantly trying to curb and rein in their animal urges to cheat at any given moment.

how can you have a relationship or be secure in yourself if you dont allow yourself to trust anyone. i am by no means the most trusting person in the world, but i know that you have to take the risk and go for it. and if you get hurt, you get hurt. if someone is going to cheat on you, they'll do it whether you trust them or not, whether you monitor their every move or are laid back about it. its not something you can control. i think most people have been screwed over and some point in their lives, but you have to dust yourself down and get on with it and believe that someday you'll meet someone lovely, who thinks you're great despite your imperfections and will try their best always to be faithful and loyal to you. its all about making calculated risks.

chainsaws

basecamp1 wrote: »

while i dont necessarily agree in happily ever after for everyone, it does happen to some people.

I also dont agree with the one person in the world for everyone and soul mates, i think there are many people in the world that one may be compatible with but we end up meeting certain people and fall for them.

while i dont disagree with you that many men and womens eyes wonder, they cheat, they Fanaticise about others etc., not everyone cheats, and not everyone sets out to cheat. also i dont thing peopel are going around constantly trying to curb and rein in their animal urges to cheat at any given moment.

how can you have a relationship or be secure in yourself if you dont allow yourself to trust anyone. i am by no means the most trusting person in the world, but i know that you have to take the risk and go for it. and if you get hurt, you get hurt. if someone is going to cheat on you, they'll do it whether you trust them or not, whether you monitor their every move or are laid back about it. its not something you can control. i think most people have been screwed over and some point in their lives, but you have to dust yourself down and get on with it and believe that someday you'll meet someone lovely, who thinks you're great despite your imperfections and will try their best always to be faithful and loyal to you. its all about making calculated risks.

That's what I've been trying to tell you.:)

fungun

The problem with your view, chainsaws, is that if you always think that way then you will never trust or never be able to behave as your natural self. If you think that every day your spouse might be cheating then you would not argue/discuss/stand up for yourself 'just in case'. Every day someone might cheat yes, but you cannot live like that. imo this is possibly why famous people struggle to have solid relns.

The basis of any reln is the trust that you are both in it together as a partnership. You love your partner but you also love yourself.

If they meet a man they like who is a better prospect than their boyfriend they will drop their current boyfriend like a hot potato and run off with the new guy. That's basic biology.

If you actually think this you are sadly mistaken. Although I could have married many people I chose my wife....and I stand by that decision.

And once you experience proper love, you realise that when you love someone properly you actually are not really susceptible to falling in love with other people. If you 'meet someone better' you have to be in a mindset to notice which means you werent that happy in the first place.

basecamp1

Well i met my boyfriend last nite, we made a nice dinner together and had a very chilled evening. he completely back to his normal self, no sign of anything troubling him at all. so i think he believes me and has moved on...thank god. i hope thats it over and done with. so relieved and happy.:o