Did bad things with a girl last night.

LegacyUser

I'm really freaking out over this.

Got with a girl last night and had sex, no condom. I was fairly drunk to be honest. I ended up ejaculating a bit early and was embarrassed so I horsed on regardless but now I think I might have made things worse. She didn't realise this and I don't know the situation with her pill wise. I'm dreading getting a call from her in a few months time. Is it even legal not to tell somebody you came if you agreed not to before?

Adam

there's no law regarding ejaculation, if you told her you didn't that's morally wrong, you should be giving her the opportunity to take the morning after pill instead of worrying about YOUR trouble should she end up pregnant. tell her.

FreudianSlippers

It's not illegal to do this, but if the consent was based on you wearing a condom and you did not then consent could be invalid.

If no agreement was made regarding wearing of a condom, you cannot get in "trouble" with the law because you ejaculated inside the woman.

This, however, does not mean that in about 9 months she won't be coming after you for child support payments.

Man up: you had unprotected sex and so did she. Ring her, or at the very least text her, and voice your concerns about having had unprotected sex. Find out if she was on the pill and if she wasn't you should tell her that she should get the morning after pill.
If she refuses to do so and is pregnant then you have to take responsibility for your actions - and no, I don't mean premature ejaculation, I mean having sex without a condom. It could be a costly mistake but it will teach you a lesson for the future.

WhodahWoodah

This is an unfortunate situation, however the one important fact is that you told her you didn't come when you did. The fact that she had you agree to this at all suggests that her plan for contraception was to rely on withdrawal. I have an older brother whose very existance is testament to the unreliability of this method.

The mature thing to do would be to just go to her and tell her now while it's still early enough for her to go get the morning after pill if she so chooses. You never know - maybe she is on the pill but I doubt it.

Also book yourself in for an STI test and in future when having sex take responsibility for your own contraception and wear a condom!!

lau1247

i agree with the above to tell the girl asap..
come clean and have less hassle long term wise..

although should the girl be bearing some responsibility also if she agree to sex without condom?? surely she should know that even with the withdrawal method, she might have a good chance of contracting release of some form of pre-cum in the midst of the action

LegacyUser

WhodahWoodah wrote: »

.

The mature thing to do would be to just go to her and tell her now while it's still early enough for her to go get the morning after pill if she so chooses. You never know - maybe she is on the pill but I doubt it!

Bit of scaremongering there if you ask me - why would you doubt she's on the pill?? You've no idea whether she is or not.

My thoughts are that she is probably on the pill OP - she'd want to be mental to have unprotected sex without it - although I'm sure there are girls who do. And how do you know she doesn't know you came OP? I'd say she knows - she may already have gotten the morning after pill OP. Just text her. Learn from this mistake and cover up next time.

star-pants

There's no question as to what you should do - cop on & contact her and explain it to her and if she's not taking some form of contraception she should get the morning after pill.

Miss Fluff

You have to tell her immediately so she can go and get the MAP in the morning.

kraggy

How did you keep going if you had come? Did you have a rest first?

Zen65

unregistered wrote: »

Bit of scaremongering there if you ask me - why would you doubt she's on the pill?? You've no idea whether she is or not.

Frankly it's irresponsible to assume she is, unless you know her well and she has told you she is.

she'd want to be mental to have unprotected sex without it

But OP had unprotected sex, so we're already 50% of the way to an unwanted pregnancy, "mental" or not. Again, it's a lazy, immature male attitude to assume she was the one being responsible.

OP - contact her and tell her. Give her the choice to do what she believes she should do.


Z

themadchef

Slyguy wrote: »

Got with a girl last night and had sex, no condom.

Zen65 wrote: »

Frankly it's irresponsible to assume she is, unless you know her well and she has told you she is.



But OP had unprotected sex, so we're already 50% of the way to an unwanted pregnancy, "mental" or not. Again, it's a lazy, immature male attitude to assume she was the one being responsible.

OP - contact her and tell her. Give her the choice to do what she believes she should do.


Z

She's prepared to have sex without a condom, and youre supposed to ring to tell her there might be sperm in there during the process

LegacyUser

She's prepared to have sex without a condom, and youre supposed to ring to tell her there might be sperm in there during the process

Well if she asked him not to cum inside her, one would presume she wasn't on the pill, if she was on the pill why would she ask him not to?? Unless she considers "pulling out" a form of contraception! either way its very very risky.

I don't think he should ring her because he came per se, but surely he should ring her to see if she has taken the morning after pill/ ask her to take the morning after pill, at the very least to ask her if she was on the pill (although i'd personally doubt she was) .

Yeah of course he can stick his head in the sand and hope she doesn't get pregnant....but again the girl did have unprotected sex and asked him not to cum inside her so it does sound rather dodgy (i know horrible double standards as op also didnt use protection, but shes the only one who can prevent pregnancy now..) Better to be safe than sorry. There is 18 years of bringing up a child involved after all...for the sake of a slightly embarrasing phone call....easy choice one would think...

FreudianSlippers

unregistered wrote: »

Bit of scaremongering there if you ask me - why would you doubt she's on the pill?? You've no idea whether she is or not.

My thoughts are that she is probably on the pill OP - she'd want to be mental to have unprotected sex without it - although I'm sure there are girls who do. And how do you know she doesn't know you came OP? I'd say she knows - she may already have gotten the morning after pill OP. Just text her. Learn from this mistake and cover up next time.

What on Earth would make you think anyone is 'probably' on the pill? Get a grip.

yours

Oh god the poor girl, you knew what you did and she didnt!!. Do the decent thing and tell her, you dont know what the implications this could have for this girls future or your own.
I know this may be tough and embarrassing to tell her, maybe just be nice about and say, your a little worried as yous didnt use anything and yous were a bit drunk etc, at least you have done your bit and it gives her the choice. Its not safe what you's were doing in the first instance at all.
This is your opportunity to be responsible and gives her the chance to be responsible.

Goodluck

rsta

So when you say you horsed on regardless, you kept going so you came? Of course she will know you came inside her. Drippage! She'll know!

Im sure she is already planning to go get the map first thing tommorrow.

Really though you should definatly ring her and tell her, so she doesn't think you are a jerk. We all know on here that you care, so ring her and tell her.

Exclamation Marc

Realistically, you're not going to be able to live with yourself if you hide away from her and this situation. It'll always be on your mind if you do nothing about it. And at least if she knows the situation, things can be done in this early stage.

As others have said, man up and get in contact with her.

LegacyUser

You can wait agonoizing months for a world altering phone call or text her today to ask her to get the morning after pill and explain that you are worried.
Sex between two consenting adults as a ONS can have many outcomes. You were man enough to have sex be man enough to sort things before they get anyworse..
Don't feel guilty, we all do silly things, I'm sure there isn't 1 person here that hasn't had a silly drunken fumble at one time or another..
Best of luck
Will all work out fine..
S

ztoical

Everyone is aware that it doesn't matter that he came inside her or not, that's why they tell you to put the condom on once hard and before you get anywhere near any girl parts as she can get pregnant without actually having full intercourse.

I'm amazed there are girls out there in this day and age who think withdrawing works in any way as a method of birth control.

Ignoring all that OP how well do you know this girl cus all that's been talked about is babies and not other issues like STI's.

blackbird98

wait and see what happens!!! but get checked for std's in the meantime.

surely she doesn't think that she can't get pregnant if you pull out in time??

I guess this was a one-night stand, so you don't know if somebody was there the night before or after. If she does get pregnant, how do you kow it's going to be yours?

cross that bridge when you come to it

Big Bag of Chips

I don't think "wait and see" is appropriate advice at the minute!

Time isn't on their side.. so "waiting" could be the reason he ends up being a father in 9 months time. Whereas one possibly slightly embarrassing phonecall now will save that!

OP, there's a chance she knows what happened... how drunk was she? If she told you not to come inside her.. would she not have wondered why you didn't come outside her?

How well do you know her? Do you even have her phone number? As someone else mentioned.. unprotected sex doesn't just carry a risk of pregnancy.

Either way, burying your head and hoping it's not going to happen, isn't going to make it go away. Although burying your head and hoping that the girl is a bit more responsible could work! There is that chance that she does this reasonably regularly, and "knows the drill" of what to do the following day. But that just means that if she is a bit "experienced" you definitely need to get yourself checked.

(or you can just ignore that too and hope nothing else shows up in a few months!)

LegacyUser

Just to update...well nothing so far. I don't have her number as I'd no interest but felt obliged to give her mine when she asked. That was before we went at it so I wasn't thinking straight as you can imagine.

I have no idea who she is, I'd probably know her first name but its one of a few options. I'm not usually out in Galway so I don't know if I will bump into her again. Fingers crossed it works out.

quibbles

OisinT wrote: »

It's not illegal to do this, but if the consent was based on you wearing a condom and you did not then consent could be invalid.

If no agreement was made regarding wearing of a condom, you cannot get in "trouble" with the law because you ejaculated inside the woman.

Thats interesting. So, if a man and a woman are getting it on, and the man puts a condom on, and then they are both ready to do the deed, but before it happens the man whips off the condom and carries on regardless, is that then ... Rape?



I have nothing more to add to the thread, other than, I'm sure the girl knew? surely, that you were not wearing a condom?

quibbles

"It's not illegal to do this, but if the consent was based on you wearing a condom and you did not then consent could be invalid."

Does that mean, if a man whips of a condom before entering a woman without her knowing, and knowingly ejaculates inside her, that he is guilty of a crime?

Is that true?

blackbird98

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

I don't think "wait and see" is appropriate advice at the minute!

what else can he do??? he doesn't know the girl, can't remember her name, doesn't know how to contact her........so all he can do is wait and see..........and hope for the best!!!

Toots

Slyguy wrote: »

Just to update...well nothing so far. I don't have her number as I'd no interest but felt obliged to give her mine when she asked. That was before we went at it so I wasn't thinking straight as you can imagine.

I have no idea who she is, I'd probably know her first name but its one of a few options. I'm not usually out in Galway so I don't know if I will bump into her again. Fingers crossed it works out.

Do you know if any of your friends would know who she was? It'd be worth checking out if you can get her number from someone else.

Exclamation Marc

quibbles wrote: »

"It's not illegal to do this, but if the consent was based on you wearing a condom and you did not then consent could be invalid."

Does that mean, if a man whips of a condom before entering a woman without her knowing, and knowingly ejaculates inside her, that he is guilty of a crime?

Is that true?

Effectively yes, as her constent was withdrawn the moment he whipped off the condom, or to put it another way her consent was deceptively attained. It's in the same vein as a girl saying "stop" half way through and the fella not stopping but carrying on until he climaxes, but obviously thats a lot further down the scale.

So yeah effectively it is a crime, but in practice it would be a nightmare to prove and gain a conviction for, as it would be his word versus her word.

nimrodsson

I'm sure if you give it some thought you'll be able to get contact details... for instance, did you go to her house...? her friends house? how did you meet her? was it really totally random? no common friends...? if you can think of her second name... or one of her friends, you'll get her on facebook? Did she or any of her friends put a missed call on your mobile? I'd imagine if you think carefully about it i'm sure you can fnd a way to contact her. If you are not too interested, then you may as well close the thread, as there is nothing else that can be really said other than if you want to tell he, then track her down. And if you're not bothered... well, then...

Big Bag of Chips

blackbird98 wrote: »

what else can he do??? he doesn't know the girl, can't remember her name, doesn't know how to contact her........so all he can do is wait and see..........and hope for the best!!!

Blackbird.. I posted "don't think wait and see is appropriate advice" 2 hours BEFORE he posted that he hadn't a clue who she was!

I think OP you must be either very young or very childish. Your whole attitude about this is peurile.

To be honest, whether or not there is a possibility this girl is pregnant, she'd probably do better to delete your number and never come near you again. It'd probably work out best for everyone. You don't seem capable of minding yourself, let alone being responsible for a small child.

TeeHeeHee

What the hell.

The girl consented to unprotected sex with a guy she didn't know either.
In fairness, regardless of whether he came or not, pregnancy can still occur.

I can't believe OP is getting a basting for this.

Unless the girl is stupid, she'll know he came.
And if she had any sense at all she'd go get the MAP regardless, and an STI check for that matter.

nordine

OP, is the phone number you gave her registered in your name with your provider?

ppink

huh! Of course she knows, unless she was in a coma at the time!

Exclamation Marc

I doubt the OP will reply given that the thread hasn't been active for nearly 2 months.