Had a falling out with my only friend who was popular?

karaokeman

Hi all. I am a 19-year old lad with average self esteem.
I recently had a falling out with one of my closest friends. I was really close to him, he was one of the only 3 people I had over at my house on a regular basis (I'm still friends with the other 2). I have lots of other friends in school, but they have been to my house the odd time, not that they are associates or anything like that. They were just not as close as the friend I fell out with.

Problem is I have had less confidence in growing closer to my other friends since this falling out. Reason the friend I fell out with was very popular and I felt cool hanging out with him. I'm still happy with my other 2 really close friends.

cafecolour

Popularity is overrated. I'd spend time doing things with your two friends that you enjoy, and work on expanding your social circle a bit more with people who have similar interests (ie if the three of you are gaming, invite a friend from school who might be up for it. If they say yes, cool, if not, not a big deal).

LegacyUser

Sometimes I forget what it is like to be a teenager. Seeing threads like this with the obsession over 'popularity' (What a load of balls) reminds me how depressing and soul destroying that period of your life can be if you fall into that delusional existance.

Cheap Thrills!

Why are you so fixated on popularity? It's not important. Happiness is.

Firetrap

+1 to the others on the popularity thing. Quantity of friends does not = quality of them.

Two things strike me. One is that you feel you need to make your other two friends more popular. You should appreciate them for the people they are and not try to change them. So what if they don't have lots of friends? You like them, they like you and that is all there is to it. It is none of your concern who their other friends are. Do not even attempt to interfere with this! Some people go through life with a handful of good friends. Others have a much bigger circle of friends, some good, some not quite so close. Everyone is different.

Secondly, I get the impression that you may have been using this friend you fell out with to feel better about yourself. It might not feel like it now but perhaps this falling out might be good for you.

I'm guessing from what you've written that you're still in school, presumably going to sit your Leaving Cert next summer. All will change when you finish school and you will find yourself out in the big bad world. Regardless of what you end up doing, you will find yourself meeting new people and having less in common with your old classmates. Most people I know end up staying in touch with a small number of classmates but the majority of former classmates drop by the wayside.

If this is a Leaving Cert year you might be too busy to do much extra curricular activities but you should look into broadening your social circle. Perhaps take up a new sport or hobby and get your friends to come with you if they're interested. Most people find as they go through life that friends come and go depending on life circumstances. It would be very unusual if you end up in 5 years time with just those two friends in your life.

karaokeman

I apologise for any confusions caused.
I am not trying to change my 2 close friends, but I am always looking at ways we can show others we are not weak just because we are shy.
I know popularity is overrated but no one in my year (6th year) understands that and I want to show them that. That's the main reason I am concerned with my own popularity. Its a matter of people looking down on us.

LegacyUser

I am not trying to change my 2 close friends, but I am always looking at ways we can show others we are not weak just because we are shy.
I know popularity is overrated but no one in my year (6th year) understands that and I want to show them that.

Why bother? I mean really? You're in 6th year, next year you'll all go your separate ways and never see any of them again. Believe me they'll find out for themselves popularity means nothing when they grow up a little. college is an eyeopener. In a years time those 'popular' people won't even be in your life. Don't waste your energy on trying to make people "like" you. People either like you for you or they don't.

People who hide behind "popularity" do so because they have low self esteem.

The best way to "show them" is to just live your life for you, make a success of your life, don't even give them the time of day.