Need help at rock bottom

LegacyUser

always looking at these forums but have never posted.

All my life I've suffered with low confidence and low self esteem. i have managed to pick myself up before but not fully recover. And the last 6 months have no been good. I'll start at the beginning. I'm 21. I've been unemployed now for 2 years. during this time i've lapsed back in depression and self doubt. I've been looking for jobs left right and center but always get turned down due to no experience. During this time i also broke up with my gf or year and a half who i loved very much. this added to the depression.

As i write this i am at the lowest i've been in months. My friends have as good as disappeared now. don't hear from most of my friends anymore.i try to make contact and organise nights out card games etc..but usually met with excuses.

Don't quite know what i'm after here maybe just some advice on getting over the confidence thing and low self esteem.

Any advice or stories even would be a help as i'm out of ideas now and am quickly losing sight of the good in the future.

easynote

Hi, it sounds as if you are still living at home and haven't really explored that many new horizons yet in your life. Is there any chance you can go back to college or maybe do some fas course or something, just to meet more new people. When you can afford it move away from home and live with some mates or some strangers that you will get to know. I might have got you all wrong.

Mr. Loverman

You are young so you have PLENTY of time to turn your life around.

We may hate to admit it, but we live in a very shallow world. And by now I'm sure you've noticed the most confident people tend to be physically attractive. (I know this isn't always the case but it frequently is.)

So if I were you I would start building self esteem and confidence by making sure you are in great physical shape and look good.

This means things like:

• Clean up your diet
• Go to the gym to do cardio and lift weights. (A team sport would be a great way to do cardio and have a bit of a laugh.)
• Get nice clothes which suit you. Ask a female friend to help you with this. Like me you probably don't have a clue what suits you best.
• Get your teeth cleaned.
• Get a decent haircut.
• Walk straight with your shoulders back.
• Smile a lot.

If you project a positive image to the world, the world will respond to your positively!

The job situation is a little more tricky. This is just going to take a lot of patience. Make sure you are checking every job website (http://www.dole.ie is great for this) and make sure you are writing a great cover letter for each job you apply for. It WILL work out for you. You just gotta keep at it...

You could also consider going back to college. It'll be four years of fun and it's sort of a valid excuse to be unemployed.

But most of all remind yourself you WILL get out of this slump. Try to remain busy, try to spend more time with your friends, and try some of the above.

Good luck!

Pauleta

WOW! Its like i wrote this 4 years ago. I went through the exact same thing at about the same age. I finished in my job just before i hit 21, had just finished with my girlfriend and just went into myself and went slightly mental. I covered up the windows to let no light in and tried to sound proof my room. I just cut myself off from the world and my friends and lost confidence. This went on for nearly a year and it all ended when i plucked up the courage to go to my local FAS office to apply to start a course. When I started it I started socializing more and had a reason to get up in the morning. I got some decent computer skills in my course but more importantly it dragged me out of the rut that i was in and met a few people that im still friends with today. Im actually back on the dole now but not in a rut because ive dealt with it before.

I suggest get into a course or join something where you have to be somewhere everyday or some days. If not then make sure you are active. Make sure you have a plan to do something every single day. Nothing major everyday just spend an hour in a place that isnt your house. Even go to the boozer, have a pint and read a newspaper (everyone goes for a pint on their own, its not strange and nobody thinks anything about it). NEVER EVER! make an excuse not to do something in a day. Your subconsciously trying to drag yourself back in to your rut. Also do the lotto, for the reason that you have something to look forward to even though you know you are not going to win its still fun waiting for the numbers :mad:. Dont listen to any downbeat music, it does nothing good for you. Go for a long walk or to the beach (if there is one near you). I dont think anyone has ever felt worse after going for a long walk.

Im talking from personal experience and your life is obviously different because everyones is but thats how i got out of my rut. Tomorrow morning wake up and do something in your day and make NO EXCUSE not to do it . Good Luck with everything dude.

LegacyUser

I was pretty low until recently. Lasted for many years.

I found that the summer really helped me out. I started going to a market near me every Sunday and sat around reading. It really helped me as it became something to look forward to and looking back on my weekend even if I didn't do anything exciting I didn't feel like I did nothing.

Also I became active. If I was sitting in front of the TV doing nothing I went for a walk or to the gym. I never turned down an offer of a night out and put a lot of effort into it. I also joined some clubs in college.

I think being idle for a long time has taken its toll on you. You need to fix this. Also a trip to your GP may be in order.