Badly need some advice

yours

Hi all,
Not sure if this is the right or wrong place to post.
When I was 3 I had a really accident with scalding oil which left me scarred badly on my head, leaving bald patches which never grew back.
I had several operations from when I was 12 until 20 which only helped a small bit.
I am 27 now and have been living with hair extensions to cover this for the last few years although they help they dont completely cover it.
I was blonde for about 8 years, I decided to go back to my natural colour about 6 months ago (near black).
When I was getting a new set of extensions in about 3 months I had to take all of the others out first.
I was never so horrified in my entire life how bad my head was. I have numerous bald patches, absolutely no hair, probobly more noticeable through time and growing and from going back dark. This has completely haunted me, I dont feel normal and really upset and down about it.
I asked my friend to take photos, she could hardly speak and told me her honest opinion, "she felt really sorry for me and she would find it difficult to deal with it".
I enquired into a hair transplant a few years ago and the health board at the time at first it was cosmetic but after my doctor sent letters they eventually agreed to pay half. After research at the time it was not a good way for me to go.
I discovered a new technique a couple of months ago. They completed a test patch, whiere I have been delighted so far it seems to be working.However huge problem now exists, when i go back in february to get docs opinion if it works, I know I could never afford this.
I spoke to my doc last week and she said "the health board now has no money and def would not entertain cosmetic things".

I was working up until a couple of years ago, I would not hesitate to pay for this myself, but I just know I could not pay for this with still paying for college fees, and debt and not being able to obtain work. I hate the thought of not being able to pay for this myself .

I know it would be very expensive as approx 40% of my head is like this.
This is devasting me, I always was afraid of leaving the house without hair extensions, I dont want to go back blonde as I couldnt afford the maintenance and it was bad for my hair. I feel people staring at me, I cant cover it completely with hair extensions no matter how hard I try, but they do help a bit. I feel this has ruined relationships in the past and some men might get scared for potential relationships in the future.

When I saw them photographs about 3 months ago, I actually didnt realise it was bad, these photographs horrified and scared me, I cried for days.

I understand the health board has money problems, and there are people out there a lot worse off than me.

My parents could not afford my operations (approx 18) so they were covered on a medical card until they could not do anymore.

I just dont know who to turn to or what to do.

Things have been that bad that I was counting change yest to buy a bottle of rogaine that i know wont work, but may help the rest of my hair grow to try and cover more. When I explained the case to the girl in the chemist yest, she said the medical card should pay for the rogaine, she said "your a beautiful girl and that she could totally understand why any women would feel so bad about it", she was so nice about it, i left in tears.
Just need some advice, my doctor didnt look at it, said it was cosmetic, i dont see the health board helping me, is it worth going to them? Just dont know who to turn to or what to do??

Sorry about the long message, thanks for reading

Wibbs

Yours, I think you may get a wider set of advice here

easynote

Seeming as you have only since going back to your original haircolour noticed the extent of this, how bad you actually feel it is- is to try to go back to blonde.
It might even look stranger if you keep your hair dark and have transplants that may not look fantastic or natural.
You can get a blonde spray in the chemist that contains hydrogen peroxide and lemon I think it is called sun-in. You can use some of it on your roots every other day, and thereby keep the blonde hair colour low cost to mantain.
There are other natural ways to keep your hair blonde such as chamomile.

Maybe also try counselling to get a chance to express the feelings you have around this. There might have been traumatic events as you grew up and had operations from age 12. It must have been hard to go to hospital so often and also the trauma of the accident itself might have to be talked about with a counsellor.

I am sure you are sick of people telling you it is not so bad, it could be worse etc. But at least it s not a disease that is progressing such as alopecia, and the fact that you have been in an accident makes it a lot more attractive (for want of a better word) than if it was a disease or cancer-treatment that caused it.

Sorry if that sounds awful, but that is how I would try to cope with it- although I understand it might not be politically correct.

curlzy

Hey OP,

I have a close relative that started going bald at 17. She waited until she was 45 to go and get a hairpiece/wig but when she did she said she really regretted not getting one sooner!!! Then another relative of mine asked me to go with her so she could get one (female baldness runs in my family), I went anyway and she was delighted when she saw the amount of wigs that looked great. She really found her confidence again.

I think it took them about a week to get used to it, no one ever commented on either of their fabulous hair other than to compliment it and say the love the colour she'd dyed it, she learned to smile and says thanks and I'd say only 1 or 2 people have even copped it.

I think they both realised that hair is as unimportant as hats so why not fake it? They actually love getting a new one and showing it off.

It sounds like this is really getting you down but it really shouldn't. I had braces and got laser eye surgery to get rid of my glasses, everyone has things they don't like but you shouldn't let it get you down.

If you get one, anyone worth knowing won't give a fig that it's a hairpiece and you really will feel alot less self conscious. That's my only experience with the issue but my thought is that if you don't like something about yourself and it's getting you down and you can change it then you really should give it some consideration. It can take some guts I suppose but if you bring a friend / relative you can make a fun shopping day out of it, that's what we did.

Best of luck.

yours

Hi, Thanks for the advice guys. It just seems like a road where I dont know where to turn.

Easynote-I also had the extensions in when I was blonde, I had to go back dark as it was completely distroying my hair, my roots had to be touched up every two weeks. I was sick of people telling me it wasnt that bad, because I spent so much time and effort trying to cover it so it sometimes it doesnt look that bad. My best friend who I have known years actually thought I was over doing a bit until I asked her to take the photos. When I showed her the extent, she stood back in shock, I asked her to tell me the honest truth and she could hardly speak.
I know exactly how cancer patients feel, its really hard, except for I know my hair is never going to grow back.
I tried a hair piece, it killed me with itching etc and felt really heavy.
At this minute in time, I have a fair idea that this new hair transplant procedure will work, I am thrilled watching it grow, as I was told it might not grow at all as it is scar tissue. I just cant afford it and prob never will for a really long time.
Sad part the bit of hair that I have (prob the same thickness as a 5 year old girl) is beatiful for the little that I have.
I dont remeber the accident, my mam said I didnt cry because i was in shock, i remember the operations and years of pain.

It is really getting me down, its not something that is common or that a lot of people have, i got bullied at school over it.
I am really upset and down about it and I just dont know how to live and cope or deal with it.
I could post photos, but I would be too embarrassed because I know the reactions would be really shocking

m'lady

Yours, do you have a medical card?? I personally know of a person who actually got a boob job on a medical card because it was 'damaging her psychologically'.

There has to be a way for you to get the treatment, I'd keep at the HSE I really would, I know they are not paying out for anything at the minute but if this is as damaging to you as it sounds, they have to help..

easynote

Apart from having the transplantation costs covered
it also seems like you feel you are not getting eneogh sympathy from people around you, that they don't understand the effort you put into it to make it look normal, and they have not considered how it might have effected you growing up. You were in a lot of pain as a child, those kind of accidents are horrific, and you went through bullying in school and repeated operations. You feel as not a lot of people go through this (which is true) and maybe it would be good for you to be able to meet people that also have burn damaged-skin to be able to relate to eachother. Can you ask in your local hospital if there is any support group for people with severe burn injuries, or if they know of any?

Also talk to your doctor about the whole trauma of it and it might change his/her mind on whether it is cosmetic or not, and you might be able to get a referal to a therapist.

foxinsox

I agree with other posters that have said to talk to your doctor again.

Or maybe get a different doctor..

I have had some plastic surgery done .. nothing Beverly Hills type

But it really really bothered me.. to some doctors it may have been considered cosmetic... but it made me really self-concious.
It was done a good few years back when I was had a medical card.

Do not give up on getting it done on your medical card.
EDIT: Even if you don't have a medical card there still could be an option of HSE covering some or all cost of treatment.

Also have you ever spoken to a Trichologist?
You may also be able to get a referral from a doctor. I think it would be well worth a try.

Best of luck

m'lady

m'lady wrote: »

Yours, do you have a medical card?? I personally know of a person who actually got a boob job on a medical card because it was 'damaging her psychologically'.

There has to be a way for you to get the treatment, I'd keep at the HSE I really would, I know they are not paying out for anything at the minute but if this is as damaging to you as it sounds, they have to help..

I wasn't aware that the medical card did cover plastic or cosmetic surgery when it was damaging a person's mental health. It's good to know so thanks!

I have alopecia, I am not a candidate for a hair transplant so can't help you there. However I know quite a lot about hiding and disguising hair loss! I used to wear a wig but quit because it was too uncomfortable, but most people I know are either unaware that I have any hair loss, or those who did know me wearing my wig are "glad my hair grew back". It didn't, and it never will, I just got good at hiding it.

I know you are looking for options regarding your hair transplant but I can't help you there. I would tell you to steer clear of splashing out on minoxidl (Rogain) or Nourkin (makes your existing hair grow lovely and thick and faster, but does not cause regrowth). Where you are scarred you will not be able to grow hair unless you have the transplant, so please don't spend money on the snake oils that appear in the market.

I could help you out on products and also wig advice (if you wanted to go this road) but cannot help advise on the hair transplant.

Feel for you, hair loss is a terrible condition no matter what the cause.

Chuchoter

Fixing your hair after burns is hardly cosmetic. Is minimizing scars 'cosmetic'? No. You deserve the chance to be happy with the way you look. Ask a different doctor, he is wrong.

crayolastereo

crayolastereo wrote: »

Is minimizing scars 'cosmetic'?

As someone with scarring from a condition (a lot of the scarring occured before birth even) I can tell you that the HSE treats all scars as a cosmetic condition.

LegacyUser

Hi Op,

As a female i just want to say how i can completely understand how this would effect your life so much, we have to look in the mirror every day and we have to get dressed up, meet people, go on dates, etc you must be constantly reminded of it all the time which perpetuates a negative self image because all we say then is oh the state of me, etc and any form of negative self talk is going to keep you feeling low.

I am wondering if the actual traumatic experience is hard to think of too, would there be any underlining fears there that when you saw the extent of the patches that you remembered the extent of the trauma and pain?

I wonder would it be worth seeing a therapist about it too because if there is any issues left from the past it can dramatically effect your life today because you are identifying with this one side of you to the extent it is all you are seeing. If the woman in the chemist said you were a beautiful girl then you have lots to be proud of and it is not what others are seeing in you but it is all you are seeing in yourself, i just feel like mentioning it from the psychological view point and what having to deal with something like this has done to you when your forming a self image.


I have not the same issue to deal with but i have had to heal from being abused as a kid and how i felt it defined me as a person, like i had to change the image i had of myself to a more positive one, i found that affirmations really worked for me, like i wrote them beside my mirror which said i love and approve of myself, every time i looked in the mirror i could then read that to push out the negative thoughts i was saying everyday, it eventually became the dominant thought and my confidence grew and grew.

I dont know if any of that helps at all but i do think an element of acceptance needs to be found where you can be comfortable with it, and embrace it as part of you as hard as that may sound so you are not letting this traumatic experience completely define you. Maybe others have made you feel self conscious about it too, but i swear if i was your friend, i would defo not judge you for that, if my BF had bald patches i would not be uncomfortable with that either, sounds like you have been dealing with this on your own OP, there are people out there who will accept you exactly as you are.

Best of luck with the treatments and i really hope you find something you are happy with, you deserve it after all these years of worrying about it and after what happened to you when you were just a little girl, LOVELIGHT XOXO

yours

snooki in your second paragraph where you said the pictures brought back something, i think you may be right with that.
I always knew it was bad, always got extensions, always tried covering it and always worried about people seeing it, it was like when I saw the photo's, it was almost like all someone made it worse, it felt like all of the operations didnt do much at all.
If anyone could imagine waking up after a night out and finding someone shaved big loads of hair of them, only knowing it would never grow back.

With no exageration i would say near half of my head on the left side is bald, a quite a large patch at the top middle and a few small patches with my right side having no density due to all the stretching from previous surgeries.
I honestly dont think I can ever learn to live with this problem for life, I wont always be able to wear extensions, they will prob damage it further at some point. If even for a split second now as it, if the wind blows and moves it and I think someone stares, i feel horrible, i dont feel normal, I feel strange and I really dont want sympathy.

Maybe talking to a different doctor might help, I need to do something, but def since seeing them photo's, things have got a lot worse, when I didnt think that they could.

curlzy

yours wrote: »

snooki in your second paragraph where you said the pictures brought back something, i think you may be right with that.
I always knew it was bad, always got extensions, always tried covering it and always worried about people seeing it, it was like when I saw the photo's, it was almost like all someone made it worse, it felt like all of the operations didnt do much at all.

Hey OP,
Me again. After reading the above just thought I'd hop back in. I have a degree in photography and I can tell you that a camera picks up bald patches WAY more than the naked eye, FACT. Your scalp is white, when a flash goes off it picks up the white in the scalp and makes your hair look a hell of a lot thinner. My own hair is good and thick but I've photos were I look like I'm balding on top, but I'm not, the camera just emphasises the whiteness and therefore makes the bald patches bigger. Don't obsess about bad photos. Burn them and don't get anyone to take more unless you do so in natural light without a flash, it'll make a big difference.

Also, big HUG.

yours

never thought of that before.....mayve that is why it has hit me so bad

thanks curlsy,