How do you get your children to be quiet, or should you at all?

di11on

Hi folks,

Our kids are great in almost every other respect, but they have the be the nosiest people in the solar system. We just can't get them to be quiet.

By being quiet, I don't mean sitting there and doing or saying nothing. I don't even mean not talking or anything... we just can't get them to keep the volume level down. Seems to be ok in places like a cinema where everyone is quiet.

Is this normal? Maybe it's unreasonable to expect them to keep the volume level down?

Every weekend, the other half and I take turns having a lie-in. One on Saturday and one on Sunday. Needless to say, it's during this "lie-in" that the issue is most noticeable and most irritating. Our two girls will be playing nicely together but they are JUST SO FLIPPIN LOUD!!!!!!! We'll tell them to keep it down and they will, for about 12 seconds or thereabouts, after which it's all back to normal.

So, is this normal? Is it unreasonable to expect them to keep it down? What do you guys do???

cynder

Mine are the same, ages 11, 5 and 3 the 3 year old cant talk that much only has a few words, im half deaf (need hearing aids) and i can still hear them......

They are quite in the cinema and when playing Nintendo, but not while playing the wii. Kids are noisy, it is good to get quite time but when they are playing together it does get noisy. I had a sleepover last week i had nine 11 year olds and boy it was noisy, it only went quite when they left, they were up all night.

How Strange

I just think it's normal when they're a certain age ( up to 8-9 imo) although you don't say how old they are. I think as kids get older they get quieter.

littlebug

I think my two are genetically programmed to be quiet and reserved. Even when (rarely) they're being boisterous they're not "that" noisy. The boy is slighter louder than the girl but still quiet. Not complaining :)

Cat Melodeon

I don't think there's anything unusual about it. My boy is only 14 months, only has two words, but knows how to shout already. There's a bit of an echo in the back hall and he'll happily womble up and down there for ages giving full exercise to his lungs and vocal chords, loving the acoustics. I love them less so - like you, we take it in turns to have a weekend lie-in and my husband doesn't seem to appreciate the importance of closed doors and quietness to a lie-in.

He (son not husband) also shouts at us during dinner because he wants what's on our plates, not his chopped up baby muck (which is actually exactly the same as what's on our plates, just in smaller pieces).

And when his cousins visit, they play at a fairly moderate volume, while he stands and shouts at them. He has yet to reach hoarseness, so I figure I'd just better get used to it. I've no idea how to shut him up.

I actually blame myself. We have 3 dogs and when they bark I shout at them. Son has been listening to me roaring at them since he was in the womb, so it's not surprising he roars at me. Maybe one of those bark collars...

Nevyn

"Indoor voices, Please"

Sometimes kids just don't understand how loud they are being and they spend so much time in school being quiet and when that restriction is gone they have at it.
Being considerate of other's is a big thing in this house and they get asked to use thier indoor voices.

I would suggest maybe recording them and playing it back or demoing for them what they are like so they get it, we've done that too, had a converstaion about if thier Dad wants a cup of tea and had it really loudly. It caused a lot of giggles but it drove the message home.

di11on

Thanks folks.

Someone wondered how old they are... they're 4 and 7.

@Thaed: "Indoor voices please"... I like it - that's exactly the point! I like the recording idea, I might give that ago. I think you;re right though, they really don't appreciate how loud they are being.

I think there's a protocol thing too, not all the time, but in some situations like at dinner. The competition to speak and be heard has one trying to shout over the other. We need some way to teach them how to behave in a group situation... the concept of waiting to speak and picking your moment. A valuable skill they need to learn. Not sure how best to do it only trying to enforce it every dinner time.

I wonder can you buy a decibel meter and it gives them an electric shock when they exceed a certain threshold :-)

Nevyn

It's part of manners and it's a case of keeping enforcing it.
Mine used to come into the room and start rabbiting on at me no matter what I was doing.
These days they come in and call me and wait for me to acknowledge them before they start and if I am trying to finish something I will tell them "one moment please" and then when I turn and address them they start.
They were awful for it when I was in the middle of dishing up dinner and a new rule of not interupting me was put in place after I burned myself. At first it was a case of
"Mam" "I am dishing up" "Sorry" but now they will come into the kitchen and notice what I am doing and then wander back out again or say "sorry Mam I will tell you over dinner".

As for manners at the table, mine like eating out and trying new food and few places and
I told them if they could learn good manners I'd take them out with me. That includes not yelling at the table and generally good table manners. Sounds like it's time to teach them it's rude to interupt and they have to learn to take thier turn talking. It's hard when they are small and they get frustrated if they wait to long but good manners will last them a life time.

littlebug

We also have a "no interrupting" rule as Thaedydal does... whether that be interrupting us when we're talking or talking over each other. Also if they have something to say to me they have to come to me and say it and not shout it from another room/ upstairs. So maybe we're not so quiet afterall now that I think about it

metrovelvet

Cat Melodeon wrote: »

I don't think there's anything unusual about it. My boy is only 14 months, only has two words, but knows how to shout already. There's a bit of an echo in the back hall and he'll happily womble up and down there for ages giving full exercise to his lungs and vocal chords, loving the acoustics. I love them less so - like you, we take it in turns to have a weekend lie-in and my husband doesn't seem to appreciate the importance of closed doors and quietness to a lie-in.

He (son not husband) also shouts at us during dinner because he wants what's on our plates, not his chopped up baby muck (which is actually exactly the same as what's on our plates, just in smaller pieces).

And when his cousins visit, they play at a fairly moderate volume, while he stands and shouts at them. He has yet to reach hoarseness, so I figure I'd just better get used to it. I've no idea how to shut him up.

I actually blame myself. We have 3 dogs and when they bark I shout at them. Son has been listening to me roaring at them since he was in the womb, so it's not surprising he roars at me. Maybe one of those bark collars...

When my son was around two or so I started using the angelus bells to signal be quiet. "Shhhh.... the bells....quiet..." in a very hushed tone. It gave me a full minute of peace and quiet, no one falling, crying, throwing, talking, or demanding.

We are still working on the not interrupting when Im on the phone.

we'llallhavetea_old

metrovelvet wrote: »

We are still working on the not interrupting when Im on the phone.

oh god, what is it with the phone?! i only have to look at it and my daughter's life is in peril and needs immediate attention. :rolleyes:

metrovelvet

we'llallhavetea wrote: »

oh god, what is it with the phone?! i only have to look at it and my daughter's life is in peril and needs immediate attention. :rolleyes:

It's the enemy. It's an oedipal complex with the phone. MY son wants to kill it.

Sleepy

"Indoor voices, Please" - the phrase I have used most for the last two years... Still not sinking in. I think it originates in part from their mam having terrible hearing from spending too much time in Rock clubs during her youth!!!

cbyrd

I have an opposite problem.. i'm half deaf and now my eldest is reaching the horrible tweens she's muttering and mumbling and it's so frustrating...

i end up saying what about 40 times before she speaks up, so over the weekend i sat her down and had a chat about how it made me feel when she spoke like this, it was basically, kids used to torment me at school speaking softly or whispering knowing i couldn't hear them properly, and this was making me sad and upset.. seems to have worked, for how long is the question though:rolleyes:

I had my mam forever telling me not to shout when i was young because i couldn't hear myself as loud it used to really annoy me with 6 brothers and i was the one always told to shut up...:(

With mine i used the indoor voices thing and when they have friends over and it's getting a bit loud i have no hesitation telling them to use the indoor voices too... i have been known to call a halt to a screaming match by shouting louder and they get such a fright they stop and i thank them for the quiet repitition and annoying them about being loud is sometimes the only solution, eventually they get the message

Fittle

While I don't really have the 'loudness' in my house, I most certainly have a chatterbox.

My 8yr old talks morning, noon and night (no idea where he gets it from;)) if I let him. It's like he doesn't see anything I'm doing - he'll talk through the bathroom door if I'm in the shower, he'll yap away during a tv programme I'm trying to watch, he'll yabber on if I'm on my knees cleaning the kitchen floor etc etc....

He sings and hums too, which drives me (and his teacher!) to distraction!

It's not even that he is demanding or wants anything - he's just chatting, telling me about his day, or yapping about the big spider him and his mate saw down the shore or chatting about what he's dressing up for at halloween.

Of course, I know it's my own fault at this stage, for not setting any boundaries for him - but last night, when he was at the bathroom door telling me all about what he wants to dress up as (in minute detail), I decided to start setting them today!

cynder

cbyrd wrote: »

i'm half deaf and now my eldest is reaching the horrible tweens she's muttering and mumbling and it's so frustrating...

i end up saying what about 40 times before she speaks up, so over the weekend i sat her down and had a chat about how it made me feel when she spoke like this, it was basically, kids used to torment me at school speaking softly or whispering knowing i couldn't hear them properly, and this was making me sad and upset.. seems to have worked, for how long is the question though:rolleyes:

Me too! She still mumbles when she talks to me, she is 11. Drives me nuts but at least i can hear my 2 boys.

Quality

I dont mind mine talking or shouting, I seem to be able to phase out when they get loud.


But the fighting with eachother.... Please someone tell me how to stop it...:o

di11on

metrovelvet wrote: »

When my son was around two or so I started using the angelus bells to signal be quiet. "Shhhh.... the bells....quiet..." in a very hushed tone. It gave me a full minute of peace and quiet, no one falling, crying, throwing, talking, or demanding....

My word, that's the only positive thing about the Angelus I've ever heard :-) Still not worth the license fee though!!! :-) Anyway, that's a totally different discussion!

we'llallhavetea wrote:

oh god, what is it with the phone?! i only have to look at it and my daughter's life is in peril and needs immediate attention.

Lol! Try running a business from home! They still manage to interrupt even when you have a spouse to try and intercept!

Thanks everyone for the replies :-) Really interesting. I have learned that it's definitely normal but that it's also seems to be possible to get them to be more mannerly!