Is there any hope for us?

LegacyUser

Hi all, just looking for some friendly advice really. I'm with my boyfriend about 4 years now and love him to bits, He's divorced with two children and doesn't want anymore kids, something I've always known but have taken a while to come to terms with, he also doesn't want to get married again, which honestly isn't the biggest deal for me. We live together in his house and I pay my way with rent/bills etc. I'd like one day for us to buy a home together, however he's dragging his feet big style, said he wants to have a house to leave his children, I'm just starting to wonder if this is it. He has upon occassion kind of agreed that one day maybe this will happen but honestly I'm not sure whether to believe it or not. I nearly feel I'm being pawned off. I'm not in a huge hurry, but would just like to know somewhere some day this could happen, and in my darker hours feel that it's a completely one sided relationship.. I realise that we're obviously at different points in our life, he has done everything that I thought I would one day do, and that's nobodys fault but I also feel a little compromise is necessary..

LegacyUser

Hi, I think you need to look out for yourself here a little bit although I fully understand that he wants to leave his Children a home he is ultimately disregarding you being part of his future. You are effectively helping with bills etc with no hope of marraige, kids, security IMHO.

Do you work? How would he feel about you buying a house on your own, I know that in current climate most ppl cannot but think you need to do some soul searching here, it seems that he has been honest with you even though he dragging his heals!

Ask yourself are you happy never getting married or having children & never owning your own home?? I hope this helps

LegacyUser

hi, the initial issues marriage/children have been dealt with, no picnic but I kind of felt okay, we have a future, we love each other and this is the way it is. The house thing, while I understand him wanting something for his children, I know for a fact they are so happy that we're together and would support him 100 percent if this was the route we took. I work full time but honestly haven't a hope of buying somewhere on my own, and I don't really want to, I feel that as a couple this is something we should do together, we could between us afford a bigger/more expensive property and at the end of the day nobody would lose out.
He has been honest, with the other things but as I said I feel he's pawning me off a bit on this one. He tells me yes, that's something we can look at in the future, but I'm getting the feeling it's not. Thanks for your reply.

I am a friend

OP

Ive been there. He had seen and done it all but told me at the start he wanted all i.e. marriage and kids with me. As time went on, clock ticking etc, when I talked about it (over a year after we met and were already liivng together), he started to say he didnt know as he had changed job etc etc. In the end, he finally admitted 2 years later that he had never wanted either but told me so I would not leave... He was basically fine as long as I didnt challenge the status quo and in the end wanted everything HIS own way... Marriage or not, kids or not etc etc etc

I tried to live with it as I loved him but resented him so much for making and breaking all the rules...

Bottom line, if you are happy and I mean truly happy to give up marriage and kids for this guy then fine but it does look like he is being a puppet master...

My ex also wanted all his property for his daughter which was fine but didnt want to live in my house. So if he died and I were living there for 30 years, i would be out on my ear...

It was all so one sided, based on false truths and in the end crumbled over his lack of interest in compromise..

I wouldnt wish the same as you but your story sounds similar to mine..

Best of luck