Dont want to go to a wedding

LegacyUser

Just wondering what are peoples opinions on this, Im not working at the moment. Thankfully i dont have a mortgage or anything but Im still always broke. I rarely go out drinking or rarely spend any money on anything stupid, mainly cause I cant afford it.

But heres the issue, I know a couple that are getting married, now while I know them for quite some time I was never GREAT friends with them, like we have alot of mutual friends, we have each others phone numbers and we have had alot of nights out together but I dont think we've ever chatted or met up independently of our mutual friends. I just never felt I knew them well enough for that despite how well I get on with the two of them.

Theyre getting married next month and Im really really broke, the thought of the present alone is starting to stress me out, and im single so its not like I could half it with someone. It would be a massive relief for me not to go but I fear some of our mutual friends will be wondering wtf?? If the truth be told I dont think even the couple themselves will be too put out.
What do you think? Is this one of these things in life I should just be putting up with and go?

Beruthiel

You're stressing over nothing.
Drop them an rsvp, apologise and say you cannot make it due to a prior commitment but you hope they have the best day of their lives.
Problem solved.

John Mason

Just send them an RSVP card and say "i regret i cannot make your celebration. i hope you have lovely day"

simples

CDfm

If you dont get out much the invite may be , well OP is a nice guy etc he might meet someone.Sometimes people do seating arrangements like that.

Also -wedding presents need not be expensive and I have picked up decent half sets of ware for 30 euro in the sales. My local centra currently are doing a deal on a discount bed throw for 30. People do not expect huge presents.

I recently replaced our "dinner service" at Carrig Dunn with two half sets for 60 yoyo's in total.

John Mason

CDfm wrote: »

If you dont get out much the invite may be , well OP is a nice guy etc he might meet someone.

Also -wedding presents need not be expensive and I have picked up decent half sets of ware for 30 euro in the sales.People do not expect huge presents.

I recently replaced our "dinner service" at Carrig Dunn with to half sets for 60 yoyo's.

CDFM, when you are on the dole E30 IS a lot of money, plus then you have to think about how you are going to get to the church, then from the church to the hotel and the hotel home.

then there is beer money, weddings are long days to just drink water (i know i have done on far too many ocassions)

OP, we didnt go to a few weddings during the summer, my partner was out of work and it just wasnt worth the stress of not being able to eat for 3 weeks either side of the wedding.

Most reasonable people should understand this

solovely

You shouldn't feel you have to go, but at the same time if you are going to turn them down, I would make up a genuine sounding excuse. If you just say "osrry I can't make it" to the couple and to all your friends, they will wonder what it is, and either put it down to you not liking them or rub their brain cells together and figure out it's cos you're broke. Either way, you may lose out on future invitations to stuff as a result (i.e. he won't be interested/ can't afford it).

I would say on the RSVP "I'm really sorry I can't make it, I hope you have a fantastic day" and then put the word out there that you have a family do, course, job interview, sick relative to look after, other friend's 30th, etc....that sounds like a genuine reason and not just that you couldn't be bothered. Using money as an excuse, while genuine, is not always appreciated as an excuse....which is really unfair I know, but people will reason that if it was important enough to you, you would have prioritised the wedding months ago. And as you say, they are not good friends, so they aren't a monetary priority right now, but you don't want to have to spell that out in those words.

But seriously, don't stress or feel bad about it. Just let them know, as you say, they will have enough on that day and really won't mind at all!

Not to freak you out or whatever, but I do know that you are still expected to give a (small) present, even if you turn down a wedding invite. I'm not saying I think this is right though!!

Beruthiel

solovely wrote: »

put the word out there that you have a family do, course, job interview, sick relative to look after, other friend's 30th

There is absolutely no need to make things that complicated.
A card declining the invitation is all that is required.

CDfm

IrishBird - I know 30 Euro can be a lot of money and have often existed on a shoestring budget ,but, I am making the point to the that people do understand this too on presents.

The OP is stressed out about the present and if that is the only thing stressing you out -well it should not be.

However, if the cost of the whole day will break the bank and will mean you will have to do without, then you should not go and send the RSVP.

little lady

As most people are saying just RSVP and decline the invitation. If anyone asks why not just be honest and say that you can't afford it, they will understand.

I had to turn down an invite to a wedding of goodish friends, same as you, friends of friends but had know them about 10 years. They were having the wedding abroad and I just couldn't afford it. I rang the groom, who I knew better, offered my apologies and told him I couldn't afford it. That was it, he understood and it was no big deal.

Don't stress about it, people are more understanding than we give them credit for.

Cheap Thrills!

Just decline....honestly the couple don't care as long as they know how many heads they have for dinner.

It's nice that they asked you but as you said they are more aquaintances than friends so they'll be grand with you declining.

LegacyUser

Hey everyone thanks for the advice, I probably just needed to hear it from someone else. I guess its not that big a deal. I know one or two of my friends will be wondering why not, but thats gonna be because they are better friends with the couple than I am.

Its a strange one, because its a situation where I definitely know them well enough to be invited yet I couldnt ever see myself ringing either one of them or arranging a drinking session with them without at least one our mutual friends being involved.

Also I know if I was getting married Id orefer someone not go if I thought it was going to be very inconvenient (unless it was a really good mate obviously).

tinkerbell

I don't understand why so many people think that they are obliged to give a gift or attend a wedding day just because they got an invitation. You are not. You don't owe someone a gift just because they are getting married.

Don't go - you have bigger priorities, and besides - they ain't even close friends of yours. As for the excuse to give? There is none required - just send back the RSVP with a "decline" rather than an "accept". Problem sorted.