flashbacks of ex in new relationship

LegacyUser

Hey,

I finished with my ex for good about a year and a half ago, but had been in the process of breaking up for the year prior. So really in all a good 2 and a half years we first split.

This was my first relationship, we'd been going out 5 years, deeply in love but by the end my confidence was down, self esteem, he had little respect for me or the relationship,would often make very nasty attacks verbally on me when he felt like it, in the end, we both were disillusioned and bitter, very bad split, left me very hurt for a long time after.

flashforward to now and I happened to meet a guy by accident. We've been sort of seeing each other for 3 months and it's teh first guy I've liked. He's very keen on me. I'm just having trouble because a lot of things he does/says reminds me of the ex and it's freaking me out. I sometimes have flashes of the ex when we have sex, like when we make love with feeling, I get a flash of the sessions I had with my ex and the feelings I felt making love to him.

or if he says something, or does something like play a song (the ex played the same instrument) it reminds me of the ex......these flashbacks are all of times we were in love.

Is this ok, normal? He is in some ways similar and I'm worried I've picked another copy of the ex. But he also seems better, but I'm worried that it only seems that way now.

Does it mean I should end it cos I'm not over the ex? Or should I just chill and these feelings/flashbacks will go away. It's making me uncomfortable - is it just that I was hurt over the ex, and now this is the first guy I like again....I'm afraid I'm colouring the new guy with these memories and I don't want to

Kimono-Girl

honestly i'm wondering about the intensity of these 'flashbacks', or how vivid they are,
you aren't going to forget all the good times you and your ex spent together, the memories will fade in time but you will still remember them, honestly and personally, yes at times when i am somewhere i have been before with an ex, or doing something i've done before with an ex then yes i would remember that, but i wouldn't call it a flashback. it's just an old memory!
but most definitely it hasn't happened to me during something as intimate as sex, that part would seem odd to me.
you said you picked a copy of your ex, is he truly just a copy, or does he have similar interests to you which your ex had too?


no offense but in my opinion if you are still thinking/obsessing about your ex, i would suggest you are not quite over him!

LegacyUser

it's the sex thing that is creeping me out - I have quite vivid flashbacks - say this new guy performs oral on me, I'll get a mental picture of my ex doing the same.....i try to push it out of my head and I do but I don't want that popping up in the first place.

this guy isn't a copy exactly - I don't mean that, he has similar interests though and the same things I liked about the ex, a love of life, a happiness, a carefree nature, social person...i'm worried he might have the same downsides, for a very social person, he was an insecure person and his insecurities lead to arguments or periods of depression.

I'm not really thinking or obsessing about him anymore - I mean sure, he comes to mind now and again, and I'm still angry from some things, but it's mostly just coming up with this new guy and that is the part that worries me.