pictures of his ex

LegacyUser

I'm not sure if this could be classed as an RI problem but it has been bugging me for the last few days and i feel like I am beginning to obsess over it.

Myself and my bf have been going out now for a little over a year. Everything is going great and we have gotten to know each other really well. My bf and I work alot and when we get free time we always spend it with each other.

One thing about my bf is that he has a stressful job and one thing I notice is that he likes to unwind by sketching. He has this big folder/box of sketches that he keeps all his drawings in and he is very protective of it and people seeing his work. So last week when I was over at his place and he had to go out to collect something and my curiosity got the best of me; I looked at his drawings! They are unbelievably good, houses, birds, plants and landscapes but the thing I noticed is that in a portion (about a quarter) of his sketches are of a particular woman. They are of his previous girlfriend because they are dated to before we met and all have the same name in the title on the back. Ever since I saw them i have felt that there is a different side to my bf that he doesn't show to me and in truth I feel insecure because it is obvious that he really loved this girl. Am I being silly by feeling insecure or should I have the ex's talk with him? From when we previously spoke of past relationships he has become distant from the topic and from what I gather he was badly hurt in the past..... should I ask him about the sketches or just leave it and try to deal with my own insecurities?

Exclamation Marc

It sounds like your other halfs sketching is his way of unwinding or whanot, much like you might read a book, go for a walk or whatever.

Once the pictures are dated pre-you then you have nothing to worry about. Sure I have love letters from one of my exes from years and years ago. Even in the relationship after that, I held onto them and never really did the whole "love-letter" thing again, but keeping them wasn't a sign of any feelings for her. Nor was the fact that I never wrote any more to other gfs a sign that I loved the previous girl more.

You never know the circumstances, maybe she asked him to sketch a drawing of her? Maybe he's just really proud of its accuracy that he didn't want to bin it. Maybe its just a reminder of someone he loved before. Either way it has no bearing on your relationship.

I think you're being really silly and irrationaly insecure over the drawings. They're not a currency of love and they certainly don't reflect on you in anyway. He may have been "into" sketching people back then and just isn't anymore, and he may love you a lot more than he ever did her, but either way sketches aren't going to prove or disprove it.

If he wants to talk about his ex, he will. If he wants to show you his sketches, he will. If you bring it up that you went through them, knowing that he's protective of them, you're probably just creating a problem that doesn't need to exist

You said everything is going great and you spend loads of time together, don't let that be ruined by something you shouldn't have any worries over. Sketches mean nothing, he's with you now because he loves ya and thats the important thing, no amount of sketches will change that

Neyite

MonaLisa cries wrote: »

Ever since I saw them i have felt that there is a different side to my bf that he doesn't show to me and in truth I feel insecure because it is obvious that he really loved this girl. Am I being silly by feeling insecure or should I have the ex's talk with him? From when we previously spoke of past relationships he has become distant from the topic and from what I gather he was badly hurt in the past..... should I ask him about the sketches or just leave it and try to deal with my own insecurities?

you are being silly and insecure in my opinion, but its not really your fault- your thinking as a girlfriend, not as an artist. if he is sketching in the evenings at home, then he will look around him to see what he can draw- she was there, so probably more of a sketching challenge than a coffee table. a series of drawings indicates more to me that he was honing his life-drawing skills - you practice until you capture the likeness of the subject.

i drew my dad loads of times when i was in secondary school, not necessarily because i loved him (though i did) but mainly because his face was a challenge to me, and because he was right in front of me.it was the ruggedness i tried to put on paper - i found drawing womens faces easy and wanted a craggy mans face with character, and i never managed to get 'him' down on paper- it just never turned out right.

i had sketchbooks full of inanimate objects - the usual bowl of fruit, close up of gears on a bike, a pair of glasses, you get the idea. these were not things i loved. they were subjects to practice my sketching.

dont talk to him about it. you snooped. in something you know he considers personal. my mum used to show my mediocre sketches to everyone and it was mortifying.

Dinkie

I think you are over analysing.

I nearly posted a similar problem here about a year ago. My OH had photos of his ex kept beside the bed on the bedside table ! After weeks of trying to keep emotions in check and over analysing, it ended up in a bit of a fight.

It turned out that the OH had forgotten all about them. They had been on his bedside locker for years (he had broken up with his GF a good while before going out with me) and he just didn't notice them any more.

When I thought about it, I have photos of my ex's in a box, and I would never get rid of them. Not because I still have feeling for them, but because they remind me of good times. Pot and kettle.

I suspect your BF is probably the same.